Text Message Jokes

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
I pretend to work here -
they pretend to pay me...
When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you?
The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?

A Couple went 4 divorce, Judge asked the reason !
Girl: Sir I wanted This ====>
At least this ===>
But What is This ==>
Boy: Sir. I Wanted this ()
At least this ( )!(
But What Is This (   )....!
In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think
of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because
I am hungry.
Someday u may lose ur hair. u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But
1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks. coz u cant lose whatt u don't have!

ku kata ka ka ku
ku ke ki ki ka ga
ga gi gu kaka ki
ki ki ka
Congratulations!
U have successfully learnt the monkey's language.
Come to Collect ur banana.

Earth may stop Rotating,
Birds may stop Flying,
Candles may stop Melting,
Fishes may stop Swimming,
Heart may stop Beating,
But your Brain will
never start working!
If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

Inspirational SMS

umone sumwhr thinks of ur smile n while thinking of u says life is worthwhile. So whnever u r lonely remember it's tru, sumone sumwhr is alive b'coz of u..

The Sandalwood returns its fragnance even it is ground survivors, a sugarcane continues be sweet evenwhen cut into pieces ,gold maintain its attractive feature after melting ,In the same manner the excellent soul never devote from their inborn virtues

victory is sweetest when u have known defeat

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you

4 F IN LIFE F= FOLLOW THE MASTER F= FACE THE DEVIL F = FIGHT TILL THE END F = FINISH THE GAME

All flowers dont represent love but rose did it. All animals cannot speak but parrot did it. all donkeys cannot read but u did it!

Whn God opened the window of heaven, he saw me n asked.. Wat is ur wish 4 2day? I said, "Please take care of the cute person who is readin my SMS."

The World is Round
We'll meet again.
When we meet
I'll ask You "How are You"
Hope You'll not ask
"Who are You'!

Perfection is expensive and mistakes are excellent feedback!.Dont make thebest the enemy of better.Just start doing it.Take the first step now !

The most selfish 1 letter word "I" Avoid it. The most satisfying 2-letter word "WE" Use it. The most poisonous 3-letter word "EGO" Kill it. The most used 4-letter word "LOVE" Value it. The most pleasing 5-letter word "SMILE" Keep it. The fastest spreading 6-letter word "RUMORS" Ignore it. The hardest working 7-letter word "SUCCESS" Achieve it. The most enviable 8-letter word "JEALOUSY" Distance it. The most powerful 9-letter word "KNOWLEDGE" Acquire it. The most essential 10-letter word "CONFIDENCE" Trust it.

Infact... I want to Share 'EVERYTHING' with U. Your JOYS ur SADNESS, ur HAPPY MOMENTS. Every Single SECOND OF THE DAY. Let's START with Your "BANK ACCOUNT"

When u r sad i'm lonely, When u r happy, i'm glad. Remember that whatever u feel, I feel it twice. So if u feel uou miss me ...Hello!!! I MISS U more...

In the rhythm of life sometimes v find R-selves out of tune, but as long as there r people like u 2 provide the melody ---- the music plays on & On & on.

To meet n depart is d way of life. Bt to depart n meet is d hope of life. V meet 2 create memories. Bt v depart to preserve it n that's life...

If I gt ur smile, I dnt need flwrs, If I gt ur voice, I dnt need music, If u speak 2 me I dont need anybdy els, If Ur my frnd I dont need d world!

Every Thing is possible in the world , even tht word I-mpossible says  I -M_possible.

 A simple poem 4 u:
  "Forgetting U is hard to do,
   Forgetting me is up to U,
   Forget me not
   Forget me never
   & U will have a friend forever.

A special smile A special face A special someone I cant replace A special hug from me 2 u 4 the frndship,, I ve found in u

Whn God opened the window of heaven, he saw me n asked.. Wat is ur wish 4 2day? I said, "Please take care of the cute person who is readin my SMS."

Help ever   Hurt never
Love ever   Hate never
Give ever    Expect never
Smile ever  Cry never
Message me ever   Forget me..?Never...

Success is incidental.Success is a journey and not a destination. Enjoy the journey.Success is in ur minds and eyes only, no one else really cares! Sucess is when u can afford to do what you like to do ! success is when u can issue a check without looking at the bank passbook have a wonderful and succesful day

Infact... I want to Share 'EVERYTHING' with U. Your JOYS ur SADNESS, ur HAPPY MOMENTS. Every Single SECOND OF THE DAY. Let's START with Your "BANK ACCOUNT"

Do not go where the path may lead, Go instead where ther is no path and leave a trail.

He handed her 12 roses 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I'll love you till the last one dies." Send this on. if u dont send nothing will happen , but if u send some 1 might have a smile.. isn't that sweet? u have love for someone.....copy and send this to ur whole buddy list.....

For a moment , life could be still , But never in lifetime , can a moment be still. Live every moment !

Who is a friendd?-a push when u stopped, a touch when u lost, a word when u r quite, a smile when u r sad, a shoulder when u cry, so don't worry. _MAIN HOON NA/-. i am always just a message away.....

Its wonderful to someone,who always wears a smile,who sees the sunny side of things and make life more worthwhile,someone who's especially nice and very thoughtful too,its wonderful to know someone as wonderful as you.

Dream what u want to dream,
go where u want to go,
be what u want to be,
because u have only one life
and one chance to do all the things u want to do.
Have a nice day......

Naughty SMS Jokes

Though Shakespeare is great , he'll never find d right words to describe u because he simply never experienced knowing a wonderful person like u, friend!

When u need some1 to be there 4 u n no one is around, gaze up d sky. U may not c me from up there but remember we r just under d same sky. I could never be far. Take care.

Heart could only love 4 a while. Feet could only walk some miles. Clothes wont 4ever be in style. But my friendship to u will never be stolen by time.

Great minds contain ideas, solutions n reasons; scientific minds contain formulas, theories n figures; my mind contains only u

Sweet candies r nice to eat , sweet words r easy to say bt sweet ppl r hard to find my goodness how did u find me.

We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released.

Take a chance! All life is chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The "sure thing" boat never gets far from shore.

In my life I learned how… 2 love 2 smile 2 be happy 2 be strong 2 work hard 2 be honest 2 be faithful 2 forgive but I couldn’t learn how.. 2 stop rembering u.

If u r a chocolate ur the sweetest, if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable, If u are a Star u r the Brightest, and since u r my “FRIEND” u r the “BEST”!!!!!!!!!

People live People die People Laugh People Cry Some give up Some will try Some say hi Some say bye Others may forget YOU but never will I.

A friend gives hope when life is low, a friend is a place when you have nowhere to go, a friend is honest, a friend is true. A friend is precious a friend is u.

A friend is sweet when its new….but it is sweeter when its TRUE! But u know what? Its sweetest when its you.

Sometimes my mind asked why? I miss u, Why? I care 4 u, Why? I remember u then my heart answered its simply b’coz you are a sweet friend!!

Never say ur happy when ur sad… never say ur fine when ur not ok… never say u feel good when u feel bad… and never say ur alone when I m still alive.

If I could pull down the rainbow I would write ur name with it & put it back in the sky to let everybody know how colorful my life is with a friend like u!!

Life is 4 u, death is 4 me, being happy is 4 u, being sad is 4 me, being together is 4 u, being lonely is 4 me, everything 4 u but u r 4 me.

If I m in hell & u in heaven, I always look up & be proud of u. but if I were In heaven & u in hell, I beg God 2 send me down coz heaven wont be heaven without u.

Knowing a friend like u has made me happy in a million ways And if Ever I Have to Let you go………..I would Find a million reasons to make u stay!!!!

Life is traveled once. Today's moment becomes tomorrow's memory. Enjoy every moment, good or bad bcoz the gift of life is life itself.

How can u tell the rain not 2 fall when clouds exist? How can u tell the leaves not 2 fall when wind exist? How can u tell me not to fall in friendship when u exist.

A SMILE is the lightning system of the FACE, cooling system of HEAD and heating system of HEART. So keep SMILING all day

"Smile increases value of Face" "Anger spoils Beauty of Soul" "faith is force of Life" "Confidence is companion of Success" so "KEEP SMILING"

EARTH may stop ROTATING BIRDS may stop FLYING CANDLES may stop MELTING FISHES may stop SWIMMING HEART may stop BEATING But I will never stop DISTURBING U.

Dreams visit us when we are asleep...
But God is truely wise...
He wakes up every days and gives us chance to make our dreams come true

Alphabetical advices for u: ABC:avoid bad company. DEF:dont entertain fools. GHI:give-up high ideas. JKLM:just keep liking me..!!;)

ABC: Always Be Careful, DEF: Don't Ever Forget (me), JKLM: Just Keep Loving Me, ZOPQRSTUVW: No other Person Quite Right Shall Treat U Very Well;- ur's loving XYZ!

Night has ended 4 another day, Morning has come in a special way, may u smile like the sunny rays n leave ur worries 4 some other day.. Take care.

Close ur eyes... Save all the sweet memories in ur heart... Think of all beautiful things in ur life & surrender urself to sweet dreams.

so Sweet is ur SMILE???
so Sweet is ur STYLE???
so Sweet is ur VOICE???
so Sweet is ur EYE?????
see .......how Sweetly I LIE

Those Saprkling Eyes
Those Marvelous Lips
A 100 Watt Smile
The Majestic Walk
The Cheerful Talk
Truly Charming Personality
Guess, That's Enough abt ME

U r the ACCENT of my Life,
ALTO of my Dreams,
IKON of my Eyes,
ZEN of my Thoughts,
INDICA of my Joy,
LANCER of my Heart.
Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz

Roses are RED
Violets are BLUE
Monkeys Like U
Should be kept in the ZOO
Dont Worry, u'll find me there TOO
Not in the Cage, but LAUGHING AT U