SOME QUOTES

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"

When there's a will, I want to be in it."

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.";

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.";

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.";

People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.";

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?";

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?";

IT'S STARTING TO RAIN

Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

A LETTER TO GOD

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,
I've kidnapped your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike!!

HOW TO MAKE A MAN & WOMAN HAPPY??

How to make a man and woman happy ?

To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes

&

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

HOW TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE??

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.

Another deadly answer.

Scroll down a little...





Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette.

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....

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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)"TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee."us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....

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Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"

Searching for me.....I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!!

EIGHT GOLDEN RULES!!

Eight golden rules to approach a woman..

• Make eye contact before you approach: Eye contact can do a lot for you. If she holds your gaze and glances your way every now and then, look at it as a positive sign. However, if she refuses to look at you, your chances are slim.

• Don't express interest in her friends as well as her: Hitting on two women in the same group won't work.

• Make her feel like she's the most desirable woman in the world: It never fails to work.

• Don't avoid complimenting her even if you think she's heard it before: Everyone loves to hear their praise. Make sure you compliment the girl. However, don't over exaggerate or try to flatter her.

• Avoid cliches and pre-packaged pickup lines: Using a cliche will make a woman think that you are trying to hard to get a date with anyone who will fall for your oneliners.

• Don't be too pushy: Even if you do approach a woman in a disco, don't be too pushy. If she is not comfortable giving her number, respect her decision.

• Know when to walk away: Accept rejection and walk away before you end up with a black eye.

Joke: SOFTWARE ENGINEERS!!

There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ....

(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!!)

LOVE STORY - A BEAUTIFUL ONE!!

There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........

She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!

Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........

Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?

She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........

Her Boyfriend goes away saying....



GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!