Beautiful SMS

☻Make A Promise To Yourself,
Always To Choose The Best Things In Life,
To Hold On To Your Dreams,
To Believe In Your Ideas And Follow Ur Heart,
Because Life Is Beautiful Just Like You…

☻I knew no beauty, until you appeared. I knew no sweetness until you came. I knew no joy, until you cared. I knew no sorrow, until you left. I know you will come back, and make me love again.

☻Why do we close our eyes when we sleep, when we cry, when we imagine, when we kiss? Because the most beautiful thing in the world is unseen.


☻Hello Friends,
I get good replys of the previous mail,
So there is once again Some Special SMS for you.
I know you will definietly like it.
Special SMSs Just 4 U
Life is 4 livin, I Live 4 U.
Songs r 4 singin, I Sing 4 U.
Love is 4 carin, I Care 4 U.
Angels r 4 keepin, Can I keep U...?

☻My friendship is like an onion which has many
layers in it. It will add taste to your life ,
but if u try to cut it, u will have tears in
your eyes........

☻Some people were born with talents. They can do beautiful things with their skills, knowledge and technology. But no one is as talented as you. You just come near, and there is already beauty.

☻Heart is equal to a mirror, Mirror shows reflection, &
Heart shows affection.
Both have one equal quality,
can’t be reformed once broken.!

☻What good is beauty without brains, looks without charm, money without happiness, a smile without feelings, a life without you?

☻The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too. But if rain really makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you?

☻I keep memories of all our special times tucked in my heart n wen i remember those times,I smile n fall in luv wit our friendship all over again. . .

☻The WORLD is Like An Institute
Someone Enter to LEARN
Someone Enter to Earn
BUT
Someone Born to Love
Like We All.

☻Mistakes are painful when they happen
but
years later a collection of mistakes is called
Experience
which leads u to success...

☻We dream of having sum1 we really like,
bt life isnt like dat..
we dnt get evrythng we want bt the end..
we end up luving sum1 better dan we dream of..

☻Hard work is like a cup of milk
luck is just like a spoon of sugar
God always giv sugar 2 those who hav cup of milk!

☻See d Good In Everyone.
Be Blind 2 ThE Faults Of Others.
It Brings Peace In Ur Life.Things Dont Change,
U Change Ur Way Of Looking @ ThEm..!

☻Smile is a cooling system of heartSparkling
system of eyesLighting system of faceRelaxing
system of mindSo,activate all systemSMILE. .

☻WOnderful ppl r carefully created by GOd.
WOnderful mOments r amazingly planned by GOd
& a wOnderful frnd lyk u is persOnaly gifted by GOD.!

☻If i cud reach up and hold a star
4 every time u made me smile
The entire evening sky
Wud b in the palm of my hand.

Sardar SMS Jokes

☻Two Sardar stopped suddenly.
1st Sardar: OMG! My wife and my girlfriend coming together.
2nd Sardar: Mine too.



☻A sardar goes to a restaurant
and his cell phone rings.
Wife: How are you?

Surprised Sardarji:Oji I am fine but
how did you know where I was?


☻How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the board.

☻Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!



☻A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.

Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.


☻A small 2 seater plane was crashed in graveyard.
A Sardar was investigation officer.
In report he said:
500 dead bodies are found
and digging for rest.



☻Sardar at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


☻Interviewer: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Interviewer: Which part?
Sardar: What which part, whole body was born in Punjab. “;-)

☻Sardar’s wish : when i die,
I wanna die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep
not screaming
like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

☻Sardar and Pathan going somewhere together.
They found 1000 Rs. on the way.
Pathan: Let’s take 50/50.
Sardar: What will do of remaining 900?

☻Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar:
“Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.”

☻A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.

☻NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

☻Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: Take my card.
Waiter: But sir, this is Ration Card.
Sardar: So what?
You have written outside
“ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”

☻Sardar told his servant:
Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what?
Take an umbrella and go.

☻Judge: Why are you arrested?
Sardar: For shopping early?
Judge: Well, thats not a crime, anyway how early you were shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop…,

☻Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came
to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

☻Interviewer: Congrats, you are selected.
Your 1st month salary is Rs: 6000.
Next month salary will be 10000.
Sardar: Ok sir, I’ll Join next month.

☻Sardar proposed a girl……
Girl said am 1 yr elder to u…….
Sardar said Oye no problem
soniye I’ll marry u next year.

☻Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.

☻2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more.

☻How do you sink a submarine
filled with sardars..?
.
.
.
.
Just knock the door.

☻Astrologer: you must married only 32 years old women to start a happy life.
sardar: shall I married two 16 years old girls

☻On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him,
“Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?”
Sardar : “Ya sure, from landline or mobile”.

☻As train start running,
a sardar got the train.
TT: Don’t you see it’s female bogie?
Sardar: Sorry, I thought you were a man.

☻Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.

☻Sardar: Will you marry me?
Girl: Sorry I am a lesbian.
Sardar: What’s a lesbian?
Girl: I like to sleep with girls.
Sardar: Give me a hand… I am also lesbian

☻Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler

☻Sardar had twins. He named Tara & Sitara.
Again twins, He named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins, He named Max & Climax.
Again twins, finally He named STOP & FULLSTOp:-)

☻Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening?”
Sardar :”Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright”

☻Teacher: “I killed a person”
convert this sentence into future tense
Sardar: The future tense is “You will go to jail”

☻Sardar comes back to his car
&
find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
‘Thanks for compliment.’

☻Sardar complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.’
Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV?’
Ah Beng : ‘I was watching TV news…’

☻Sardar got into a bus on 1st April
when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/-
and took the ticket and said april fool.
I have pass.

☻Sardar: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Sardar: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

☻Sardar bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone
from his Phone Book & said,
My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610

☻A sardarji photographer is focusing
a dead body’s face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

☻Sardar was giving his medical entrance exam
He gave definitions as follows:
Antibody:
Against everybody
Artery:
Study of fine art paintings
Cardiology:
Advanced study of playing cards
CT scan:
Scanning 4 lost whistle..
Coma:
Punctuation mark
Bacteria:
Back door to a cafeteria…

☻Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
“Me sick, no work”
Boss SMS back:
“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
“Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

☻A sardar goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

☻Police:Instead of hospital why did u take ur wife to COMEDY MOVIE during pregnancy
Sardar: ALL the child were crying when they born
I want my child to laugh so i take my wife TO CINEMA

☻Teacher: What is tha difference between orange & apple?
Sardar: The color of orange is orange but the color of apple is not apple.

☻A bird was disturbing to a Sardar.
Finally Sardar caught it and decided to kill it cruelly,
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it

☻Boss asked Sardar
to buy two corner tickets for a movie
to watch with his Girlfriend.
Sardar bought two corner tickets:
A1…………….A25

☻A sardar ji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.
He writes a love letter to the Nurse :-
I Love You sister….

☻Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: Im writing to my 6 years old son,
he cant read very fast.

☻Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
“WIFE” & “MOTHER”

☻SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With “MOTHER”
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our “WIFE

☻Sardar As A Director:
You Have To Jump In The Swimming Pool From 100.ft Height.
Hero: I Don’t Know Swimming
Sardar: Oye Don’t Worry Yaar! Pool Is Empty;-)



☻Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!


☻Sardar: ‘Doctor, my son swallowed a key.’
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 months ago.
Doctor: What were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key.
Doctor: So why have u come today?
Sardar: We ve lost the duplicate key !!!



☻Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA

Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA


☻Sardar in airoplane going to Bombay.
While its landing he shouted:
“Bombay ….Bombay”
Airhostess said: “B silent.”
Sardar: “Ok… Ombay… Ombay”

☻Sardar saw a very high Airtel Tower
& red light glowing on the top,
seeing this he said India is developing fast,
see there are traffic signals for Aeroplane in the air

☻Teacher: What happen on 1869?
Sardar: I don’t know.
Teacher: Stupid its birthday of Gandhi G.
Now tell me what happen on 1873?
Sardar: Its 4th birthday of Gandhi G:-)

☻In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Sardar:I don’t know.
Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name

☻Sardar after interview
everything went fine till the time
he asked me for testimonials.
I guess i showed him the wrong thing !!!

Adult SMS

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

Daring SMS

☻You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!


☻I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...


☻Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you !


☻I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My sigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ...

☻I wish you lots of itching and short arms.


☻You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard!


☻Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!!


☻If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra????!!!


☻A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!


☻Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..


☻Oké honey, we will try one more time!! How do you spell 'IQ' ?


☻I am born this way, but what is your excuse?


☻I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke !


☻Some people die. Others become a teacher...


☻The more the merrier. The more women, the more prettier.


☻Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.


☻If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!!


☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!


☻You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.


☻When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.


☻Roses are red ... Violets are blue ... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo !!!


☻On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!


☻Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it.


☻Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you!


☻He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.


☻A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.


☻It is red and it taps on the window .................... A baby in a microwave.


☻I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass

Misleading SMS Messages

☻From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

☻He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO

☻In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.

☻Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

☻I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

☻It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!

☻Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

☻At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

☻Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

☻Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?

☻I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

☻come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

☻I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

☻Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!

☻Girl: What do you like in me?
Boy: That 2 white balls having black dots in it.
Girt: Rascal you are with me for that?
Boy: Yes I like your eyes…..!

☻Women are basically greedy.
They want all things from one man.
Men are so simple.
They want only one thing from all women.

☻MBBS Final Exam:-
Question: Fill in the blanks.
If a lady faints, we must 1st check her PU_S_
Only few intelligent students wrote PULSE

☻One American in Rome,
Drinking beer at street cafe
when a pretty girl sat beside him.
American: Hello, do you understand English?
Girl: only little.
American: How much?
Girl: Fifty dollars.

☻Catch her by her waist
Bring her home
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put your lips on her lips
& have a
Nice Drink
“COCA COLA”
Buurrrrrrrrrr….

☻Put your hand on my hand
&
hold my back with your other hand
touch your lip with my lips
&
taste how hot I am
do this everyday
don’t b confuse I am you tea cup.

☻Son kills butterfly, Dad says no butter for 2 weeks.
Son kills honeybee, Dad says no honey for 2 weeks.
Mom kills cockroach, Son says, Dad will you tell her or should I??

☻On a ship Captain Blackmails a girl
“If u dont sleep wd me I’ll sink d ship”
Later,She sms hr husbnd
“U mst b proud of me,
I saved 600 pasngrs 9 times in 2 days!

☻What’s an average 6 inch long.?. . . .
inside a boy’s pants and girl love to blow it up?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A 1000 rupee currency note!
Always think positive.

☻Long ago, Men who sacrificed their
love, youth, parents, identity,
laughter and their happines
were called SAINTS!
Now they are called HUSBANDS!

☻Man 1: I do not want to marry.
Because I am afraid of all women.
Man 2: Get marry soon.
Then you will be afraid of
only one woman and start loving the rest

☻Some randome facts.
1. An elephant shits half its weight in two days.
2. A man’s penis is 3 times the length of his thumb.
3. 2 multiplied by 2 equals 4.
4. the final fact:
A woman would have finished reading
these facts by now,
but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs.

☻Wife to husband:
why are you walking around naked.?
Neighbors can see your things.
Husband: So what..!
Wife: They will think I married you for money.

☻A man with 8 children
traveling by train.
A lady asked: are they your children.
Man: No Madam!
Actually I am the owner of a condom company
and
they are the complaints of my customers.

☻Teacher asks Girl:
Which part of Human body
Expands 10 times its normal size..?
Girl: I can’t answer this question
I feel shy…!
Teacher asks same question to a boy.
Boy replies: Its the Pupil of Human Eye.
Teacher: Right!
Then turns to the girl:
Listen girl your thinking is wrong
and your expectations are too high.

Double Meaning SMS

☻He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!

☻Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb.


☻How do u teach a blonde maths?
U subtract her chlothes
Devide her legs
And square root her.

Dirty SMS

☻Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

☻Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.


☻Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.
Doctor: How do u figure that?
Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wetv

☻Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.

☻Cricketer describing a nude girl:
There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

☻What's the geographical definition of sex?
It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!

☻What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.

☻Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

☻UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.

☻Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!

☻A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?
A Moisturiser.

☻Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

☻A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

☻A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

☻A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don't hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts

☻3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

☻Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!

☻Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out

☻Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?
A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour.

☻They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!

☻Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.

☻Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits

☻Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

☻Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

☻Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

☻The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube.

☻All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

☻What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Vicks Inhaler

☻When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE

Kiss SMS

☻A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise

☻KISS is purely organic and naturally sweet,
has no artificial ingredients and
is 100% wholesome.
Here’s one for you.
MMWAAAH! Have a nice day!

☻Love is the name,kiss is the game forget the name lets play the game.

☻Wen nite cums look 2 da sky,
if u c a falling star dont wonder Y.
Just make a vsh,
trust me it will cum true,
coz wen i did it, i found U.

☻Love is heat.
You are sweet.
When two Lips are meet.
Love is complete.

☻If u read,u owe me a HUG,
if u delete,u Owe me a kiss,
if u save,u owe me a DATE,
if u return txt msg 2 me,
u OWE me All,
bt if u ignore,
U r MINe!
So wat will U do?

☻"Where should one use perfume?"
a young woman asked.
"Wherever one wants to be kissed,"
I said.


☻if i could bring back memories i would bring the first day i kissed you i look you in the eyes and felt love.thanks god an angel came into my life!

☻Love is blind
Be very kind
when I kiss you
Please don’t mind.

☻My love for you grows more with each passing day,
The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away:
Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness,
Those luscious lips I love to kiss.

☻My eyes are eager to see you,
my ears are eager to listen you,
my lips are eager to kiss you,
and my dreams in night are eager to welcome you

☻U r sweeter than honey. purer than milk. softer than flower. since i have u as my lover, come to me near, i'll kiss ur lips without fear. u'll say, having u is treasure & be wit me for ever.

☻The fluffy cloud may kiss the sky,
the rose may kiss the butterfly,
the morning due may kiss the grass
but you my friend may kiss my lips!!

☻I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money
I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money, but you are my friend
I ll KISS YOU FOR FREE !!


☻cut a fish in a dish,
if you love me
give me a KISS

☻Son: The girl of our neighbors
don’t understand English.
Father: How do you know?
Son: I said to her “Give Me Sweet Kiss”
and she slapped me.

☻A kiss is an inquiry in the upper Floor about vacancy in the lower floor.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
I”ve been thinking about u and me..
if we were alone how it would be..
I would kiss u all over till ur feeling hot..
then give u a sensation when I hit the spot!


☻What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.


☻If I had one wish
I would give you a long and tender kiss
and if I had two wishes
then I would choose to do it over again.

☻If luvin” was aginst the law,
and kissin” was a crime,
i would gladly spend my life with u,
in prison doin” time.

☻“Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let”s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”

☻A peach is a peach.
a plum is a plum.
a kiss is not a kiss unless its with tongues.
so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you

☻Kissing you baby is my dream.
I am strawberry & you are the cream.
Handle me gently keep me real keen.
U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻Give me one kiss to go to sleep.
Give me two kisses to dream.
Give me an endless row of kisses to,
when I wake up in the morning,
think of you as the last kiss I never forget it.

☻what kisses mean
KISS ON HAND=i adore u,
KISS ON CHEEK=lets be friends,
KISS ON NECK=i want u,
KISS ON LIPS=i love u,
KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=…lets not get carried away!

☻Nice Kiss is on Head.
Sweet Kiss is on Cheeks.
Passionate Kiss is on Lips.
Romantic Kiss is on Neck
and
Seriously Hottest Kiss is on “IRON”
Try it now. Mmmmuah

☻Kisses blown are kisses wasted.
kisses are not kisses unless they are tasted.
kisses spread germs and germs are hated.
but you can kiss me baby i am vaccinated

☻Kiss is a key of love
love is a lock of marriage
marriage is a box of children
children is a problem of world.
Please stop kissing
and
save the world.

☻If kisses were water,
I will give you the sea,
If hugs were leaves,
I will give you a tree,
If you love a planet,
I will give you a galaxy,
If friendship is life,
I will give you mine.

☻Never ask 4 a kiss, just take it.
Never give a hug, ask 4 it.
Never ask do u love me, first say I love u.
Never say I cant live without u, say I live for u.


☻Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!

☻Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated

Wrong Person Messages

☻I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

☻This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

☻Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

☻I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

☻Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

☻You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

☻Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

☻Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number

Romantic SMS

☻Cute Love Story.
Boy: Hey I’ve got two words to say.
Girl: What?
Boy: I LOVE U
Girl: Huh.. Isn’t that 3 words?
Boy: No! Because (U) And (I) Are One:-):-D

☻If I could have ,
I would wish to wake up everyday
To the sound of your breath on my neck,
The warmth of your lips on my cheek,
The touch of your fingers on my skin,
And the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
With anyone other than you.

☻U'll always be mine, 4 now & 4 ever, U'll always be mine. Pls tell me its true, pls be mine 4 ever, I'll always always love you!

☻A candle may melt
and it’s fire may die,
but the love you have
given me will always
stay as a flame in my heart

☻when next time it rains,
try to catch the drops in your hands,
the drops you catch is the amount,
YOU LIKE ME,
the drops you missed is the amount,
I LIKE YOU.



☻How long will you be special to me?

As long as the stars twinkle in the sky,
As long as angels are there up high,
Till the ocean run dry and till the day i die.


☻Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

☻Know what makes me happy when you sms me?
Not your jokes, graphics or sweet messages
but your NAME that “APPEARS” on the cell
when it beeps knowing that you remembering me.

☻Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling. If we could decide who to love, then, life would be much simpler, but then less magical.

☻I Will Wait …
Till The Day
I Can Forget You …
Or
The Day
You Realize
You Cannot Forget Me ..

☻24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely.

Have a lovely day n life!**

☻Whenever you feel sadness in your HEART,
Blackness in your EYES,
Paleness on your FACE,
Fragrance in your body,
It shows you are suffering lack of vitamin “ME”.

☻Wen things go wrong...
Wen sadness fills ur heart...
wen tears flow in ur eyes...
always remember 3 things
1) I'm with u...
2) Still with u...
3) Will ALWAYS b...

☻Some people say happiness is life.
Others say it’s freedom
and some say it’s money.
But happiness for me is
just having the opportunity to know you!!

☻If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..
If Your askin if I'll Leave U the answer is Never..
If Your askin what I value the Answer is U..
if Your askin if I love U the answer is I do.

☻I have a simple calculation
on how long we will be together.
Count the stars in heaven
and sand on shore multiplied
by the heartbeats = forever!

☻I dream about you evey night
I shiver when your in sight
I long to hold you close n tight
I wanna be there with all my might
I m just hoping I'm the girl whos right

☻My cell phone is waiting for your call
inbox waiting for your SMS
call register waiting for your miscall
my heart waiting for your friendship

☻When i look at you,
i cannot deny there is God,
cause only God could have created some one
as wonderful n beautiful as you

☻You say you love me & want to hold me tight,
Those words run through my head day & night,
I dreamed you held me & made me see,
That forever together we would be!

☻If i reached for your hand , will u hold it ?
If i hold out my arms, will u hug me ?
If i go for your lips, will u kiss me ?
If i capture ur heart , will u love me ??

☻Life spent with someone
for a lifetime may be meaningless,
But a few moments spent
with someone who really loves U,
Means more than a life itself!

☻Smile in Pleasure
Smile in Pain
Smile when trouble pours like Rain
Smile when sum1 Hurts U
Smile becoz SOMEONE still
Loves to see u Smiling!!

☻I wonder if you know,
How special you are,
I wonder if you know,
How precious you are,
I wonder if you know,
How lucky i am,
To have you in my life,
I love you so much.

☻No shadows 2 depress u
only joys 2 surround u
many friends 2 luv u
God himself 2 bless u
These r my wishes 4 u,
for today, tommorrow & everyday

☻A day may start or end
without a message from me,
but believe me
it won’t start or end
without me thinking of you..See!
I just did. Take care.

☻C.L.I.C.K. means :

C= cant live without u
L= love u
I= i miss u
C= care about u
K= kiss from my heart 2 u
So whenever u miss me just say CLICK.

☻Heart may forget to beat
Eyes may forget to blink
Blood may forget to flow
But I cant forget you to love
Because you are something special in my life!

☻Don't go for looks,
they can deceive
Don't go for wealth
even that fades away.

☻Go for sum1 who makes u
smile becoz only a smile makes
a dark day seem bright..

☻If someone would ask me
what a beautiful life means,
I would lean my head on your shoulder
and hold you close to me
and answer with a smile:
“Like this!”

☻As days go by, my feelings get stronger,
To be in ur arms, I can't wait any longer.
Look into my eyes & u'll see that it's true,
Day & Night my thought r of U..

☻Allow me to whisper.
No matter who I am Thinking,
my heart will always and
only stunned to you.
never forget me
you are the best!

☻All I wanted was sum1 2 care 4 me
All I wanted was sum1 who'd b there 4 me
All I ever wanted was sum1 who'd b true
All I ever wantedwas sum1 like U...

☻If I had the letters “HRT”,
I can add “EA” to get a “HEART”
or
a “U” and get “HURT”.
But I’d rather choose “U” and get “HURT”
than have a “HEART” without “U”.

☻Last nights I saw a lots of bright star
and I choose you from
the group of star
Bcoz you are so sweet.

☻Message:some text missing*


Sender:Name Missing*
*Number Missing
*Sent:Date missing
*Missing U a lot thats y
everything is missing....

☻You are sweeter than honey,
Purer than milk,
Softer than flower.
Since I have you, as my lover,
come to me near,
I’ll kiss your lips without fear.
Having you is treasure,
Be with me for ever!

☻Memories r treasured
no1 can steal.
Parting is heartache
no1 can heal.
Sum'll 4get u wen ur gone
but i'll remember u
no matter how long..

☻Let all my smile be yours
All your tears be mine,
Let all my happiness be yours
All your sadness be mine,
Let the whole world be yours,
Only you be mine

☻I m on a mission:
Misson 2 avoid u,
2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk 2u or meet u,
in short....
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!

☻world is mine
BUT
Universe is yours.
Star is mine
BUT
Galaxy is yours.
Mars is mine
BUT
Planets are yours.
You are mine
BUT
I am yours.

☻D smallest word is I,
the sweetest word is LOVE
and the dearest person
in the world is U.
tats y I Love You..:)

☻aRe YoUr LeGs TiReD?
CoZ yoU’Ve BeEin RuNNiNg
ThRoUgH My MiNd aLL DaY LoNg!

☻I look at the moon
the moon is beautiful
I look at you
i..i…
I rather look at the moon again

☻I may run out of SMS to text you,
I may run out of credit to call you,
I may run out of jokes to tickle you,
but my heart will never run out of
space to accomodate you.

☻Dear O Dear, ur not near
but i can hear
dont get fear
Ur memories r here
liv wid cheer
no mere tear
and ur mine forever!

☻Q:Wat is luv?
*
*
*
*
A:Luv is wen sum1 breaks ur heart
n d most amazing thing
is tat u still luv them
wid every broken piece...!


☻Let all my smile be yours
All your tears be mine,
Let all my happiness be yours
All your sadness be mine,
Let the whole world be yours,
Only you be mine

☻A word to say, a word to hear
Even in ur absence i feel u near
R relation is strong..hope it goes long
v wil remain d same til d life goes on!

☻Nobody teaches the fish to swim,
a birds to fly,
a cows to moo,
a dogs to bark.
They just do
&
nobody teach me to think of you
I just do

☻U may miss me
U may ignore me
U may even forget me
But one day if u wanna c me
Dont search, just c ur shadow
i wil be thr...Trust Me!!

☻It is the Mayuri which dances when it rains,
It is the Koyal which sings when Autumn comes,
It is my Heart which does both
when your thought comes to my mind.

☻I'll stand here 4ever,
If 4ever's what it takes,
because u r my 4ever,
and 4ever always waits.....

☻Whenever I look at my palm,
I wonder which of those tiny
cute cross lines made me so lucky
to meet a sweet person like you
Good Morning…

☻My past says u met me
My future says u wil care 4 me
My present says u wil understand me
But my heart says u wil
Always Remember ME!

☻I made a list of Special people
in My Life with a Pencil,
When your name comes,
I decided to use a permanent Marker.
Bcoz I want to keep you in My life forever.

☻Red or white
short or tall
wrapped in silver
not wrapped at all
under covers
inside a box
shapes & sizes
love comes in lots.

☻Nothing to say.
Nothing to write.
Nothing to send.
But I believe that,
you will listen,
read & receive
my feelings in the silence too.

☻Ur precious love has
turned my life completely around,
I feel lik Im wlaking but
my feet dont seem 2 touch d ground..!!

☻Don’t ever worry about what you are to me,
because you will never be anything less than my world.

☻Ur d angel who I cherish so dearly
in tis heart of mine,
d 1 who makes my day brighter,
by making my whole world shine..!

☻Relation is what I share with you.
Success is what I pray for you.
Happiness is what I wish for you.
But remember is what I need from you.
Your Sweet Heart.

☻Wenever I miss U,
I wont luk 4u in my dreams
or try 2 hear ur voice in ur msgs.
I'll jus put my right hand across mychest n feel U!

☻How can you spell “N_CE” without “I”?
“POL_TE” without “I”?
How can you “SM_LE” without “I”?
How can you “W_SH” without “I”?
see, “I”m very Important for you.

☻In life luv is neither planned nor does it happen 4 a reason
but when d luv is real
it becums ur plan 4 life
n reason 4 living..!

☻I always lose control
when you are by my side.
You have bcome the light of my life.
I always enjoy the time, I spend with you.
I think, I am falling in love with you!

☻Live 4 d person ho dies 4u,
Smile 4 d person ho cries 4u,
Fight 4 d person ho protects u,
n luv d person ho luvs u more than u..!

☻Each day I meet someone new.
But never find another you!
The world is full of people,
its true..
Yet no one ever equals to you.

☻U'll alwys b mine 4 now n 4ever.
U'll alwys b mine 4 ur my treasure.
U'll always b mine pls tel me its true.
Pls b mine 4everi'll always luv u...!

☻Forgive my eyes for admiring your beauty.
You stole my heart the moment you looked at me,
call me crazy call me insane
every time my heart beats it mentions your name.

☻Wen a TOUCH could HEAL a wound
Wen EYES'S cud SPEAK volumes
Wen a SMILE can confirm I M THERE
then why do v need owrds 2 say'I LOVE YOU.'

☻Its a nice feeling,wen sum1 u luv luvs u in retrn. So when u knw d 1 u luv has special feeling 4 u, never let them go coz its rare 2 find 2 hearts dat beat as 1.

☻How can I spell s_cces without u
C_te without u
Or H_mble without u,
Even Tr_st without u,
See I can’t even La_gh without u,
I don’t know what to do without u.

☻I was asked about Newton's law and I said I don't know. I was questioned on the current President of USA and I wasn't sure if it is Clinton or Bush. But when I was asked on who I love, the only answer I can think of, is you.

☻Smokers have smoking heart
Drinkers have an alcoholic heart
I request you don’t eat sugar
Because you already have a sweet heart

☻You are the twinkle of my eyes;
The smile on my lips;
The joy of my face;
Without you I am incomplete.

☻If I would know that I’m gonna die tomorrow,
I’ll spend 23 hours with you and
if you wonder what about the last hour.
In that I’ll find someone
who can take care of you
Love you always.

☻Relationship doesn't get closer by meetings, but it is sweetend by THOUGHTS. I care for you in my own STRANGE ways. Maybe you will never know, Maybe I will never show..

☻Something expected is called an incident.
Something unexpected is an accident.
You are an accident in my life,
Which is the ever best incident in my life.

☻I ask God for a rose n he gave me flowers;
I ask God for water n he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel n he gave me the best luv ever!

☻3 - 2 = one heart praying 4 you
1 + 1= two eyes looking for you
3+2= five sensesmissing you.
4+3= seven days in a week i desire you.
7+5= 12months asking god to bless you

☻Let the world stop turning,
Let the sun stop burning,
Let them tell me love's not worth going through.
If it all falls apart,
I will know deep in my heart,
The only dream that mattered had come true
...In this life I was loved by you.


☻If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.


☻If I could give you only 1 thing in my life,
I would give you the ability
to see yourself through my eyes.
Only then would you realise
how special you are to me.

☻Let`s share the world.
A sea is for you, and waves are for me.
The sky is for you, and stars are for me.
The sun is for you, and light is for me.
Everything is for you, and you are for me...

☻Sending you my bed to let you rest, pillows to give you comfort and my blanket to keep you warm. I can't sleep now coz' I've lent you all my things already. Gd nite! I love you.

☻I may be gone for a minute,
for hours, for a day.
I may not be able to say
good morning or good night
but
I’ll never try to say goodbye
to a person who has been sweet and true.

☻I miss the laughs I used to get from you, I miss the talks we used to have. And above all, I just miss YOU!

☻I wish to be a magic man
so I can write your name in the sky,
waters and on the moon.
So that any one who will look up to the sky,
drink the water and watch the moon
in the nite will see the kind of love I’ve for you.

☻You know I wish I can be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you.

☻Can you see me? no?
Turn around, can you see me now? no?
Turn again, can you see me now?
I can see you
because
you have a special place in my heart!

☻You’ve caught my attention,
stolen my affection
and
attracted my emotion,
so anything I do for you,
don’t mention,
but always met me at the junction,
so, our feelings can function.

☻If i were a tear in ur eye i would roll down to ur lips.But if u were a tear in my eye i would never cry as i would be afraid 2 lose u!

☻Walk with me when your hearts needs company,
Take my hand when you feel all alone,
Turn to me when you need someone to lean on,
Coz I’m the one you can always trust on!

☻You kissed my lips and
I felt a flutter in my heart.
You touched my hand and
lit a spark in my body.
You stared into my eyes and
saw straight into my soul.
You put your arms around me
and I was finally complete.

☻My love for you is like water,
Falling countless
The beating of my heart,
For you is so heavy and soundless,
The feeling of being in your arm is so
Precious and endless.

☻A special smile, a special face.A special someone i cant replace. I luv u,i always will.U have filled a space no one can fill!

☻When i wake in the morning,
I don’t have to wonder who,
Because my first thoughts are of you.
In the stillness of the dawn,
In the fury of the storm,
I dream of you my queen,
Of things unseen,
Just you and me togrther,
I’ll love you,
Always and forever.

☻I looked at a sweet, beautiful rose,
And then I looked at you,
And I kept looking at you,
Coz the rose isn’t as beautiful as you.

☻I have liked many but loved very few.Yet no-one has been as sweet as u. I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.
just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

☻Love is born with
the pleasure of looking at each other,
Its fed with
the necessity of seeing each other,
its is concluded with
impossibility of seperation.

☻A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I——————————————————————-U,V,W,X,Y,Z.
What are you looking for?
I killed all those,
who were between I and U.

☻It hurts when you talk to someone else and not to me
It hurts more when someone else makes you smile and I can’t.

☻Why do we close our eyes wen we sleep - wen we dream, wen we kiss? This is becoz the most precious thing in the world is unseen.
When i close my eyes i see you

☻Wanting u is easy missing u is hard. Wishing u was with me wrapped up in my arms. Constantly think of u when we r apart. Ive got the padlock u have the key to my heart.

☻When you love someone truly, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults and overlook the excuses.

☻To,
The Love
Owner of my
heArt & my
life.
DeAr
I beg to sAy thAt i miss you & love you so much and, i cAn’t live without you. So kindly give me some plAce in your heArt. I shAll be very thAnkful to you.
Urs Obediently,
,
Name=YØURS LÖVE

☻I searched through books & leafed through cards; For words that wud convey, what I had in my heart, but when I sat down to write, all I can write was....I Luv U

☻If you find your world as a sky
and your friends as stars,
and if you don’t find me among them,
don’t worry! I’ve just been fallen
to make your wish come true.

☻Life is a book we all read it. Luv is a blessing we all need it. Always be happy, always have a smile coz. Remember in this world we are just for a while!

☻A sweet way to propose sumone.
~Excuse me~
Do you have a suniplast?
Actually i need it b’coz
I hurt my knees when i fell in love with you.

☻If Sky Is My Paper And
The Stars Are My Words And
If Ocean Is My Ink
Still It Is Not Enough For Me To Write
How Much “I Like U”

☻We cannot be together,
But we'll never be apart,
For no matter what life brings us,
You’re always in my heart.

☻I may never have the opportunity
to do great things for you.
But I’ll always find a chance to do,
smal things for you
in a GREAT way BY PRAYING.

☻I don't care how many lips u’ve kissed, how many shoulders u’ve embraced & how many times u’ve said, I Luv U! All I care is not be the first but to be ur last!

☻Without Your SMS My Week Days are Like:
“Moodoutday”
“Tearday”
“Wasteday”
“Thirstday”
“Fightday”
“Sufferday”
&
“Sadday”
So
Kindly sms Me Evryday.

☻Feelings are many but words are few, clouds are dark but sky is blue; Luv is a paper, life is glue, every thing is false, only My Luv is TRUE.

☻I never ask for a smile, I just give it.
I never expect love from others, I just love them.
I never say that I can’t live without you,
I say I live just for you.

☻If you r in a dark room, you find blood everywhere and the walls are shaking- don't worry friend, u r at the safest place, you r in my heart.

☻Good relations doesn’t need any promises,
any terms or conditions.
It just need 2 wonderful people.
Cute like me and sweet like you.

☻Relationship doesn’t get closer by meetings,
But it is sweetend by thoughts.
I care for you in own strange ways.
May be you will never know,
May be I’ll never show.

☻To live this Life, I need heartbeat
To have a heartbeat, I need a Heart
To have a Heart, I need Happiness
To have a Happiness, I need you..!!

☻U want & u get, that's luck, U want & u wait, that's time. U want but u compromise, that's life. And U want & u wait & u don't compromise that's LOVE.

☻There are Tulips in my garden,
there are Tulips in the park,
but nothing is more be beautiful
than our two lips meeting in the dark!

☻Little keys can open big locks, simple words can express great thoughts. A text from u never fails to make me smile the whole day through.

☻Whenever Likable
People Cross My Mind
I Always Hve Such
Pleasant Thoughts Of You
You Always Bring Such
Happiness & Joy
Those Who Lift Me Up
Are Very Few …


☻My hands never pain
when typing message for you..!
But my heart always in pain,
when there is no reply from you…!

School SMS Jokes

☻A kid gets zero in a paper

Father angrily asks,

“Wats this?”

Kid : Teacher dint have more stars to give, so she started giving MOONS..


☻Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted the lesson to be very clear!

☻TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile?”
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

☻When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

☻TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !


☻Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in HIGH School!

☻TEACHER : What is an island ?
Pupil : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER :On one side ?
Pupil : Yes, on top !

☻TEACHER : Why does you geography exam have a big zero over it.
Pupil : It's not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead !

☻LKG Boy on Phone : My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today

☻Teacher : Who is on the line ?

Boy : This is my father speaking..


☻Why did Ravi take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!


☻Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C ( sea ) level.


☻Who should be your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!


☻TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

☻Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!


☻If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

☻Teacher : Isaac Newton
was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity.
Student : Right. Had he
sat in the Class, he
wouldn’t have discovered anything.

☻TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!

☻Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

☻TEACHER – Can you Tell
me 2 creatures which
Do Not have Teeth.
PAPPU – I’ll tell ma’am. Teacher – Good. Tell me.Pappu – Grandma and Grandpa. . .

☻Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon

☻TEACHER – Pappu,
You Missed School yesterday, Didn’t You.?
PAPPU – No, Not a bit Ma’am.!!

☻TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
JOHNNY: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time.”

☻TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

☻TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down
his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing
it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
JOHNNY: “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”

☻Where was the Declaration of Independance signed ?
At the bottom !

☻TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

☻TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is
exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

☻TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

☻Teacher : Your son
is Very Good but
spends Too much time Thinking about Girls.
Mother : If you find
a solution, please advise.
His Father has
the Same Problem.

☻TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

☻TEACHER – What are
the people of
Turkey called.?
PAPPU – I don’t know. TEACHER – They are
called Turks.
Tell me What are people
of Germany called.?
PAPPU- Germs

☻TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen….. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

☻Math’s Teacher: If you have
12 Chocolates and you
-
-
Give 5 to
Lela,
3 to Anita and
4 to Julia
-
-
Then what will u get????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!



☻My nights are going sleepless,

my days are going useless.

So I asked GOD, “is this love?”.

GOD replied, “no dear, result is near

☻A sleeping lion
is stronger
than a
barking dog.
so a
sleeping
student
is better
than a
barking teacher.

☻TEACHER – Draw a
Diagram of bacteria
Sunny – Here it is sir TEACHER – Where.?
You haven’t drawn
anything.
Sunny – Sir Can You
See bacteria without
Microscope.?

☻TEACHER – Your
Chemistry exercise
was bad, I told you
to write it 20 times.
You’ve written it
only 10 times.
PAPPU – Is it ma’am.?
Guess My Maths
is also Bad.!

☻RAJU – Did you
Hear Raghu Snoring
during the morning
School Prayer.?
RAGHU – Yes, he was the
one who Woke me up.!

☻TEACHER – Where is
The English Channel.? PAPPU – I don’t know.
Our TV Channel picks up
Only Local channels.

☻TEACHER – Why were you gossiping around during
my lecture.
PAPPU – It’s impossible,
how do you expect me
to sleep and talk at
the same time.?

☻GEOGRAPHY TEACHER -
If it were possible for me
to make a hole in India
right through the earth, were would it come out.? PAPPU – At the other end, Sir.

☻BIOLOGY TEACHER -
Define a Practical Nurse.? PAPPU – A Practical Nurse
is one who
Marries a Rich Patient.

☻CHEMISTRY TEACHER -
What happens to Gold
when it is exposed to air.? PAPPU – It is probably
Stolen.!

☻PHYSICS TEACHER -
Now as you all know
the Law of Gravity
explains why we
Stay on Earth.
PAPPU – But Where
did people stay
Before the law
was passed.?

☻Teacher : Are you
Good at Math.?
Pupil : Yes and No.
Teacher : What do
you mean.?
Pupil : Yes, I’m
No Good at Math.!

☻TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

☻TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

Marriage Jokes

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole



☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward

☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.

☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton

☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow

☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman

☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!

☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future

☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!

☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment

☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

☻May you grow old on one pillow.

☻Dear [bride's name],

☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again

☻I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you

☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.

☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out

☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...

☻To my wife...my bride...my joy

☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.

☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.

☻May our children be blessed with rich parents

☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

Sex SMS

☻Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you're smiling now!!
☻Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
☻A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain't a kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tounge Some exercise!
☻CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.
☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
☻Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
☻Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.u'll get laid.
☻Kiss me and you will see stars; Love me and I will give them to you.
☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She asks: What do you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!
☻Love is a thing, sex is also a thing.
☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green. I love your legs and whats in between.
☻I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i like your ass.
☻Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..
☻I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise?
☻If you want a little brother,
kill your dad and fuck your mother.
☻Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good
☻Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself and save a quarter.
☻Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for money. If you think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!
☻Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs and Multiply!
☻I want you to ride me like a pony! Hiyaaaaaa…
☻Don't be silly, put a condom on your willy.
☻Searching(sex)...... Done... Iedereen is op dit moment met SEX bezig. ...Wait a sec plz... Maar er is een zot zonder sex dit klotebericht aan het lezen!
☻Sex, drugs & rock n roll, speed weed & birth control, life's a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world & lets get high!
☻This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now starting...beep 6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found!
☻Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please please....I really need the money!
☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money! If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!
☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.
☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...
☻Neuk een wijf in dr kont, stamp die anus tot ze komt.S mijt je benen in de lucht, laat je pijpen in een vlucht. Krab de shit van je paal, anaal neuken is geniaal!
☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh.......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good! Yeah, that's textual intercourse!
☻Sex is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.
☻I want you right, right now, why don't you come on over and let's do now!

☻I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you, you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!


☻I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !


☻Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.


☻Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.


☻Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !


☻Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth.


☻The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population!


☻What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!


☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places


☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!!


☻What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn!


☻A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll !


☻God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *


☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!


☻What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ...


☻Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!


☻Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!


☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.


☻Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.


☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??


☻When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.


☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...


☻Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls!


☻What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!


☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.


☻The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.


☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!


☻Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness


☻The difference between erotic and perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.


☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....


☻What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!


☻you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!!


☻What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!!


☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.


☻A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!!


☻Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back...


☻What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!"


☻There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: "No-Sex"!


☻Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.


☻What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet



☻If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me.


☻American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand


☻sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited)


☻A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.


☻Zwaai uw tieten in het rond, schuur je clitoris op de grond, stop 4 vingers in je kut, ram die kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je met een gans, dit is de mastrubatiedans.


☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good!
mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text.


☻Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.


☻The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling.


☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!


☻I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!


☻Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !


☻By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.


☻Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.


☻Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between


☻Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!


☻Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration


☻SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.
Laws of sex

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59. "This won't hurt, I promise."

Sex Jokes

☻SEX
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻YOU ARE WANTED
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

☻TALKING DIRTY
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻LOVE AND SEX
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

☻SEX IS ...
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

☻NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

☻WHAT I NEED
need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

☻WRONG NUMBER
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

☻NO SEX !
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

☻PHONE ENGAGE
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.

☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

☻OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
☻ARSE ICONS
(_!_) Regular arse
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse
(_*_) Sore arse
(_o_) Well used arse
(_e=mc2_) Smart arse
(_x_) Kiss my arse

☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover

☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!

☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration

☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.

☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

☻GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

☻cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

☻HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !

☻WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

☻SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

☻BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

☻VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?

☻F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

☻THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

☻The Alpahbet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!


☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?


☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!


☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!


☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!


☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!


☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!


☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!


☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!


☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!


☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants


☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!


☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!


☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!


☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!


☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?


☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!


☻Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!


☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job


☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!


☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!


☻Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!


☻Little Girl
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!


☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!


☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!


☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!


☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!


☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!

☻Getting Old
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo



☻Baby Please
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!




☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!




☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!


☻Men like toilets


Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!


☻Mary's bush


Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!


☻Horny


Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!


☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy


5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!




☻Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!




☻Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!


☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater


Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!




☻Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!


☻Down on her Knees


Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!


☻Cat and the Sausage


Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!




☻Oral sex
Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!


☻Mary's bike


Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt



☻Rhyme
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!


☻NewsFlash
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !


☻Nutella
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.


☻U and the Pope
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)


☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex


☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.


☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..


☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!


☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!


☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??


☻Foot and Mouth
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth

☻Blondes
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop


☻Operator
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you


☻Blonde Womens legs
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!

☻This Way Up
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H


☻I love you
This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!


☻Mary's Lambs
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.


☻Sheep
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.


☻Butter
Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!


☻Condom factory
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.


☻Yo Mama
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.


☻Mary Stinks
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!


☻Mary's Duck
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!


☻Tampons
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

☻Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!


☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!


☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag


☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's


☻Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie

☻News Flash - Indian Earthquake
!!News flash!!
Indian earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
Australia sendingclothes.
britain sending ... ... ... Replacements


☻Leather Heather
there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together


☻Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.


☻Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER


☻IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.


☻Cock Sucker Detecotor
This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

cOCK SUCKER !!


☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?


☻Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!



☻Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!


☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!



☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!



☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!



☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!



☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants



☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!



☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!


☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!



☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!



☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?



☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!



☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!



☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job


☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!



☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!



☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!



☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!



☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!




☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together



☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .



☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER



☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth


☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.



☻This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

COCK SUCKER !!


☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?


☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!



☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents

☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"

☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!

☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!