In the theatre

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."

The FBI, CIA & LAPD

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Police man and the name

Police man and the name

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."

As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." 

Car speeding at 120 mph

A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!

The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"

The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."

The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"

The man replied, "I don't have one officer."

"Of course you do," said the policeman.

"No sir, I don't," said the man.

"So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.

"This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.

"You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.

"Yes I'm afraid so sir,"

Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."

The man said, "There is nothing in the glove compartment except some candy, oh, and my gun."

"Your gun!" exclaimed the officer, clearly worried by this point, as this man was obviously a lunatic.

"So you don't have a drivers license, you stole this car, and there is a gun in the glove compartment!"

"Yes sir," said the man, "Oh and a body in the trunk."

"Jesus!" said the policeman turning white, "Ok so you have no drivers license, you have stolen this car, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk?"

"Yes," said the man, sounding slightly irritated.

"Look," said the policeman, "You wait right here and don't touch anything! Don�t move, don�t even breathe."

So the policeman ran to his car and radioed the station, "I want to speak to the chief," said the policeman, "And quick!"

He waited about a minute and the chief came on the line, "What is it," he said.

"I've got a man here, he is a complete lunatic he has very calmly stated that he is driving a stolen car, he has no drivers license, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk," said the policeman.

"I�ll be right there," said the chief.

In ten minutes the man and the car were surrounded. There was the chief of police, a swat team, everybody you could imagine.

The chief walks slowly to the car in his bulletproof vest and says to the driver, "Hello sir, ehm may I see your drivers license?"

"Of course," said the man, and produced it from his back pocket.

Looking puzzled, the chief asked, "Is this your car?"

"Yes," said the man.

"Can I see your registration please sir?" asked the chief.

The man leaned over to open the glove compartment.

"Please don't open it sir!" said the chief.

"Why?" asked the man, "I thought you wanted my registration."

"I do," said the chief, "But there is a gun in there."

"Don't be silly," said the man, and he opened the glove compartment, empty apart from some candy.

"Let me get this right," said the chief, "You have a drivers license, this is your car and there is no gun in the glove compartment."

"Yes," said the man,

"And there is no body in the trunk, I suppose," said the chief.

"BODY!" exclaimed the man, "Why on earth would I have a body in my trunk?"

"Sir I apologize for this, but my officer told me that you had no drivers licence, you had stolen this car, you were in possession of a gun, and a body in the trunk."

"The lying fool, said the man, "I bet he said I was speeding as well!"

You and Your Boss: The Subtle Differences

If you take a long time, you're slow.
But if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

If you don't do it, you're lazy.
But if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

If you make a mistake, you're an goober.
But if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.

If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
But if your boss does it, he's being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
But if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
But if your boss does the same thing, he's taking initiative.

If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick.
But if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
But if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
But if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Programmers report card

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, with the action to be
executed as soon as possible.

Addendum ( sent later)

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Organs of the body

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

"I should be in charge", said the brain, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge", said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away".

"I should be in charge", said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy".

"I should be in charge", said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal".

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic.

Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?
You don't always have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *&*hole

Cannibals at work

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a Oil Company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared, however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaning lady?".

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Task Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaning lady!"

The three parrots

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.

The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer.

The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000.

Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen her do a thing, but the other two call her Senior Partner

Endorsement Queen Kajol?

It's a branded war. Kareena Kapoor and Katrina Kaif have earned reams of newsprint over their fancy fees for topline endorsements.
But even as tabloid tattle continues, one contender has stealthily pipped them to the winning post! Case in point: Kajol. Washing machines, a probiotic drink, toffees, soups, face creams and… more, have benefitted from Kajol's cajoling ways to loosen those purse strings and spring open those wallets.
Reportedly, Kajol will now coax buyers to opt for a topline washing powder too. Rivals, meanwhile, are frothing at the mouth…

Wish of project manager

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are working on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

Child

Child

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,

The boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
Helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

 

H I J K L M N O

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! 

Out of the mouths of babes...

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God is doing a lot better job lately."

Teacher & little boy

Teacher: Where does God live?

Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.

Teacher: Why do you say that?

Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says,
'God, are you still in there?'

36 hours in transit.

A lady arrived at the Madras airport after spending 36 hours in transit. She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids.

Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area.

A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?"

"Yes, sir," the lady said with a sigh. "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."

Lakers fan

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.
She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.

Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.

The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"

He says, "Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"

Josh says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."

The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!"

Josh says, "Then I'd be a Laker fan!"

Boy in thirst

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad..."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

A boy

Praying at bed time

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys kneeled down beside their beds to say their prayers. Suddenly, the youngest boy began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over, nudged his younger brother, and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

The little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!" 

A boy

Thw boss dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: "Me."

Girl about a whale

A girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

By now irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Little heart

Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag.

"When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."

Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

"Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"

Little minds

Little minds - pool of doubts

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman.

"The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" 

Kids in school think quick

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; 

Infant questions

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"

The teachings of a child..

Things I've learned from my children

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20'x 20' room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush followed by the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Help in homework

Dropped the toothbrush

My son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush, held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. 

Letter to GOD

little boy wrote a letter to God, asking him for $100. He addressed to envelope "God", put his return address on it, and dropped it in the corner mailbox.

The postmaster thought this was such a nice gesture from a young child and decided to sent this letter on to President. President was so touched by the little boy's sincerity that he told his secretary to send the boy $5.

Upon receiving the money, the boy wrote the following thank you letter:

"Dear God- Thank you for the money. I noticed you sent it through Washington D.C. and of course, they have deducted $95. Love, Joey" 

Apple turning brown

A four-year-old boy was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?"

"Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidise, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."

There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?" 

Help in homework

Son: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?

Father: No, son, it wouldn't be right.

Son: Well, you could try.

Two mischievous brothers

Two brothers, about 8 and 10 years old, were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it usually turned out they had a hand in it.

Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them, so hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.

The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.

He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble."

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?"

His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"

Sardar Jokes Part 1

Sardar in train

Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.

Friend : Y?

Sardar : Got upper berth.

Friend : Y did'nt u Xchnged?

Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to Xchng in the lower berth.. 

Sardar - Teacher lecturing on population

A Teacher lecturing on population:

In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !! 

Sardarji filling application form

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as

to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote : Yes ! 

Sardar wins a lottery

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.! 

Sardar proposed a girl

Sardar proposed a Girl
.
.
.
Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'
.
.
.
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR. 

Sardar writing to his son

Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast. 

Sardar on Manmohan singh

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.

Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''

Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA

Jokes

Calling with pet names

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name. 

Fathers intelligence

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine." 

WHAT A DREAM

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn�t spoil that dream, would you, Dear? Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $100. 

Control over

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount
of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, Well, what about
you, what sort of control do you have over your wife.
The third fellow says I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees
The first two guys were amazed. What happened then? they asked. She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'.

Husband & wife

Wife : What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??

Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date. 

--------------------------------------------------------

Control over their wife

There were three guys talking in the pub.

Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?".

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.

He replied, "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'." 

-------------------------------------------

Husband & wife

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" 

Wife's photo

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Funny Jokes:

Latter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife



Dear Sweetheart:


I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.


You are my sweetheart


Your husband


Allen



============ =========


His wife replied back after some days to her husband:



Dearest sweetheart,


Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.


1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.


2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.


3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses


Instead of the rent.


4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....


5. Other expenses 40 kisses


Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.



Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!


Your Sweet Heart

You can't take it with you

Trying to disprove the saying "You can't take it with you," a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that old fool!" she exclaimed. "I knew I should have put the money in the basement."

Me and my Wife

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

---

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

---

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

Adam gives adam a companion

God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said, "I've got nobody to talk to."

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

God said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit that she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like that cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history.....

Men that dominated their women

When the end of the world came, everybody on earth went to heaven. God said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there were two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Old man and the wizard

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Making fried eggs

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

Men chasing women

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -

Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

History paper research

Man: "How's your history paper coming?"

Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful.

Man: "Really?"

Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell them!"

A Man's Guide To Female English

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Men women difference

What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.



4. A woman marries a
man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't change, and she does.



5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.



6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



7. To be happy with a
man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy
with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!



9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

He Said, She Said

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

It’s a Girl’s World

It’s a Girl’s World


If he is late for class,he’s told, “Time and Tide wait for none”.

If she is late,then the bus was late.

If a girl is dressed as a boy,she is modern,says the world.

But if a boy is dressed as a girl,”Has he escaped from the Zoo?”


If a boy talks with a girl,”I think he is trying for her”

But if a girl talks with a boy,then she is trying to be friendly.

When a girl cries,the world is convinced of her

But when a boy cries,”Come on man:Don’t be a girl”.


If a girl meets with an accident,then it’s the mistake of others.

And if a boy meets with an accident,”I think you should learn to drive”.

If a boy sits in front of a city bus,he is mannerless and cultureless brute.

But if a girl sits in the back seat,”Try to respect ladies,man!”.


If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam,”You’ve to work hard”.

But if a girl gets a big rank,… still got 33! Reservation.

If there are girls in a class,the professor gives an interesting lecture,

And if there are no girls,he says,there is no class today.

If a girl does not answer,during a viva,then atleast ‘smile’ says the examiner.

But when a boy does not answer,”better luck next time”.

A Women's Guide To Male English

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

Women Talking...

The difference between men talking and women talking..

TWO WOMEN TALKING:
==================================

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
...
...
...
....
....
...
...
...
...

NOW TWO MEN TALKING
======================================

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.

The technical geek test

Are you a tehcnical geek?

You know you are a tehcnical geek when . . .

When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"

When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.

When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".

When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.

When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.

When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.

When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.

When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.

When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

The end of the world

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he/she yanked up to Heaven three influential humans: Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates.

"The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed. "You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." With another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth.

Clinton immediately called his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a god. The bad news is, God's really mad and plans to end the world in a week."

Yeltsin in Russia announced to Parliament: "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong; there is a god after all. The worse news is God's mad and is going to end the world in a week."

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed. "The better news is we don't have to fix Windows 95."

Car brakes fails

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."

The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."

The programmer said "I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

Bill Gates & GM vs Microsofts

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

Dictionary of Project Terms

Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties - We got so sick of working on this that we decided to do something else.

Major Technological Breakthrough - Back to the drawing board.

Developed after years of intensive research - It was discovered by accident.

Customer satisfaction is believed assured - We are so far behind schedule that the customer will be happy to get anything at all from us.

The design will be finalized in the next reporting period - We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.

Test results were extremely gratifying - It works, and are we surprised.

Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem - We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while.

Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

The entire concept will have to be abandoned - The only guy who understood the thing quit.

Modifications are under way to correct certain minor difficulties - We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.

Software development cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.

6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

7. Users find 137 new bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

A perfect Software Engineer

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 (Bambino) when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again".

Software enginner and his wife

Conversation between a software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

Childcare & Toys

While cooking and cleaning can take up a lot of your time, childcare & parenting takes up a combination of your time and energy. In the initial three years of the child's life it is your responsibility to teach the child the fundamentals. This includes the entire array of child development. To ensure appropriate upbringing you should be well informed about every aspect of childcare and toys.
These two aspects are combined because most of the teaching that happens is through role-play and the toys you give your child. For instance, children understand the difference between boy and girl with the help of dolls. These are also used to teach the child other basic concepts like parts of the body and personal hygiene. There are a lot of people who specialize in guiding mothers into understanding the right kind of childcare and toys the young one requires.
The fact is that right from the moment a child is born, it looks up to the mother to fulfil its every need. She is the one responsible for the values, personality, morals, strengths, weaknesses, emotional development, mental development, et al, of the child. If you observe a child, it knows when the mother is approaching the cradle just by her sound or scent. And so, motherhood holds far more responsibility than feeding, cleaning and rocking to sleep.
Even though you may find a lot of nursery rhymes , literature on childcare and toys, it is you who understands what your child needs the most. So, it is not advised to always go by the book, but to follow your own instincts. Observation will teach you what your child requires.
Only you know how you want to educate your little one. Apart from the right sort of puppets and toys and the appropriate toiletries, food and medicines, your child also requires a healthy and conducive environment that forms an vital aspect of childcare basics.
To be able to develop your young one's social skills at the earliest you should expose them to open surroundings and social events organized for children. Taking the child to gardens and regular visits to relatives will aid in developing the social skills. As a matter of requirement you should create opportunities for your child to play with other children. This way they will learn the joy of playing in a group. This is mainly helpful for easy adjustment when attending school for the first time.
Apart from the toys that work as learning tools, practical experience teaches the child far more. For instance, a regular visit to the market will have them learn the fruits and vegetables, rather than just showing pictures at home. A child also enjoys participating in a variety of activities. It inculcates in them a sense of responsibility. For example, when cooking you could probably get the child to wash the vegetables or roll some chappatis.

Beauty and Personal Care

Most people spend so much time caring for the house and other members of the family and in all this they tend to forget about themselves. When it comes to purchasing beauty and personal care products they probably spend a lot of time picking up the best for all at home and for themselves they just pick up the first thing your hands fall onto. But this should not be the case, as you need as much pampering and attention as does the rest of the family.
Amongst the various beauty and personal care products that every family requires in general are the toiletries. This includes the shampoo, hair conditioner, soaps, talcum powder, face and body lotions, toothpaste and mouthwash, toothbrush. These mainly fall into the category of personal care.
While most purchase a common shampoo and hair conditioner for the entire family, it is fine to do so if everyone's hair texture is the same. Otherwise picking up the wrong product could cause problems for someone at home. So, instead of purchasing a large family pack of one kind, it is better to pick up smaller bottles as per individual requirements.
For instance, if one member of the family has got dandruff problem then it is not necessary for the rest of the family to use a shampoo that works as a remedy, as it contains harsh chemicals that can damage normal hair.
This is also the case with soaps. No doubt the super saver packs work out to be economical, but it may not suit all skin types at home. Someone may have oily skin and using a soap bar for dry skin could cause dermatological problems.
You must also be aware of requirements when it comes to the facial and body lotions, as well as the hair oil. Spending a little extra at the super market keeping in mind personal needs could save you a lot of money and stress thereby preventing dermatological and problems with hairstyles.

This is Attitude Chandrashekhar, - Inspiring

What Makes Attitude 100%. Click Here to know what is Attitude?

If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%     But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
 

So, what this Attitude is? Click Here to know, what this is??

Buy a Plain for 65L only

Who is the best Director

Beautiful Gift 4 Your Loved Once a Fun Holiday Surprise

Beautiful Gift 4 Your Loved Once a Fun Holiday Surprise.
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Register for Free For Limited Members only

NASA launches new weather satellite

Scribe arrested for 'sex scam' report on Kollywood actors

Apple iPad available for pre-order March 12th, on sale April 3rd

According to a press release recently published by Apple, their new iPad device—both Wifi and 3G models—will be available for pre-order on March 12th. The WiFi models will be able to be picked up or reserved in the Apple Store for April 3rd, while buyers who want the WiFi/3G model will have to wait until late April to get their hands on the product.
As far as pricing goes, you can expect the following for WiFi models: $499 for 16GB, $599 for 32GB, $699 for 64GB. If you’re interested in 3G models along with WiFi, the prices are$629 for 16GB, $729 for 32GB and $829 for 64GB. The decision between the WiFi vs. 3G iPad will be a tough one.
While the above dates and prices are for the United States, the press release also states, “iPad will be available in both Wi-Fi and Wi-Fi + 3G models in late April in Australia, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Spain, Switzerland and the UK. International pricing will be announced in April. iPad will ship in additional countries later this year.” Furthermore, the iBooks application for the iPad will also be available for download from the App Store on the 3rd of April.

Good news to all of us.

UNESCO announces INDIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM as the
BEST National Anthem in the World. 
Please forward this to all the PROUD Indians.

Mathematical Proof

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Men = Donkry + earn money
Therefore:
Men-earn money = Donkey
In other words
Men who d'nt earn mony = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

Equation 3

Women= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Women = Donkey + spend
Women - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Women who don't spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend
So Men earn money not to let women become donkey!
And women spend not to let men become donkey!
So, We have:
Men + Women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

************ **