Female Jokes

First Woman:  "This is very embarrassing, but every time I sneeze, I
                have an orgasm."
Second Woman: "You poor dear!  Are you taking anything for that?"
First Woman:  "Snuff."

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   Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher walked up
to them and displayed his endowments.  The first old lady had a stroke,
the second old lady had a stroke, but the third old lady's arms were too
short to reach.

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What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
       You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why are women giving up bowling for screwing?
       The balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.

What's the difference between a job and a wife?
       After five years, the job still sucks.

Bumber sticker: Support E.R.A. - make him sleep on the wet spot.

What's a cunt that talks back?
       An answering cervix.

What do you give an eighty-year-old woman for her birthday?
       Mikey ... He'll eat anything.

What do you call a woman who uses too much contraceptive cream?
       A spermicidal maniac.

Which of the group doesn't belong (eggs,wife,meat,blowjob)?
      A blowjob because you can beat the others but you can't beat a blowjob

Ladies, look down inside your shirts and spell the word  attic  out loud.

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning?
      Sends him to work.

What two things in the air might get a woman pregnant?
       Her feet!

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Three men were sitting on a beach; a fairly good-looking blonde walks by.
The first man says, "I give her a six"; the second, "I give her a 7"; the
third says, "She is a 1."  The other two look at him and wonder.  Another
woman walks by.  The first man says, "She is an 8"; the second says, "I give
her an 8+"; the third says, "She is a three."  Again the first two men wonder
about him.  Then an extremely fine-looking redhead approaches.  The first man
says, "She is a 10!"  The second man says, "She is an 11!!"  The third guy
says, "She is a six."  The other two finally look at him and say, "What is the
matter with you, man??  That redhead is perfect!!  Are you weird or
something??"
     "Wait a minute--you don't understand; I use the Budweiser scale."
     "What the hell is that?"
     "That's how many clydesdales it would take to pull her off my face."

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        This young rich man was looking for a wife, and had narrowed
his choices down to 3 women.  He couldn't make up his mind on which
one he should marry, so he tested them.  He gave each woman $5,000
to see what they would spend it on.  The first woman went out, bought
furs and jewels, and blew all the money on herself.  The second woman
put half of it in the bank, and spent the rest of it on herself.  The
third woman bought herself a dress, and many, many gifts for the young
man.
        Given these facts, which woman do you think the young man
married?

answer:         The woman with the biggest tits, of course!