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No folks, we are not talking about the real life but the reel life. Real life love birds who will be scorching the screen in Karan Johar’s next movie has roped in Vivek Oberoi to play the third important character in the movie.
Kareena and Vivek were last seen together in Omkara.
Now if Vivek plays a baddie or a goodie, is what we have to wait and watch.But i guess its not Vivek who is the haddi, but Kareena who looks similar to a haddi with her zero size figure.
Vivek becomes Kabab Mein Haddi between Saif-Kareena
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Sallu unviels his pony tailed look
Salman Khan surprised one and all with his pony-tailed look at the music launch party of Pahlaj Nihalani’s new flick, Khusboo-The fragnace of Love.
Apparently Salman is growing his tresses (or implanting them) for his look in his upcoming movie Tarzan.
The handsome hunk was looking chic in a suit and gelled pony tailed hair and surprisely arrived exactly on time at the launch party.
Check out for yourself guys!
Shahid is draw for children's film 'Paathshala'
Children's films without stars don't make it big at the box office and that's a prime reason why choreographer Ahmad Khan roped in Shahid Kapoor for his first production "Paathshala".
Shahid has a nearly 40-minute appearance in the film.
"Many people make many children's films, but not many become known ones. If Aamir Khan would have not been in 'Taare Zameen Par', that film would have got only limited exposure. Just because of Aamir's presence, it got a wider audience and so much appreciation.
"If I would have made a general children's film, no one would have gone and seen it. But if Shahid Kapoor and Nana Patekar say some good dialogues, and they are in the film, people will go and watch. So they get to see Shahid and also a sensible film. These stars make the range of a film go higher, otherwise it becomes a small-time film," he added.
"Paathshala", directed by Milind Ukey, is primarily about the Indian education system and deals with contemporary and socially relevant issues regarding children. The film, which releases April 16, also stars Ayesha Takia.
"The film is education-driven and about pressure on kids. It deals with a school...and Nana Patekar, who plays the principal, wants to make the school big by bringing reality show people in, having auditions in the school to get media coverage," he said.
It features child actors Swini Khare from "Cheeni Kum", Ali Haji from "Fanaa" and Dwij Yadav from "Nanhe Jaisalmer" and Avika Gor, the youngest 'bahu' of Indian television.
Khan, who was a child actor himself, says it has been a wonderful experience working with kids as they are much more professional unlike children in his times.
"Child actors these days are very professional. On the sets, you have to call them with their character's name, you can't call them with their real name. They say - 'Uncle, if you call me with the character's name, I will be in the character.' They really know what they are doing," he said.
Khan, who started choreographing for films when he was 19, is also getting another opportunity to be with kids - he has been chosen to be on the judges' panel for Colors' new dance reality show "Chak Dhoom Dhoom". He says it is tougher to deal with children on such shows vis-a-vis those who feature in films.
"Children on these dance shows want to enjoy being a dada in their colony and school for 15-20 days. But then when they lose, they blame it on the judge. They should be ready for victory as well as loss. And their parents should also be prepared.
"Kids in films are so professional. When they come for audition, we ask them to deliver six-seven dialogues. We tell them 'Okay, thank you beta'. They ask 'Am I in the film, uncle?' So then we say - 'No beta, you can't be in this film because the role doesn't suit you'. They say 'Okay, uncle. Take my number. Let me know if you have any other film and call me.' And then they go without making a sad face," he said.
On "Chak Dhoom Dhoom", Khan will be sharing the judge's seat with ace choreographer Saroj Khan and actor Vindu Dara Singh.
can watch the innings a hundred times: Sehwag
He's my role model and the only reason I am playing cricket, so it was a very special feeling, it's still hard to put in words. He's the best in the world and there's no comparison.
- For someone who has idolised Tendulkar from childhood, how did it feel when Tendulkar got his double hundred? I was clapping standing in the dressing room, but it felt as if I had scored the double hundred myself, that's how thrilling it was. He's my role model and the only reason I am playing cricket, so it was a very special feeling, it's still hard to put in words. He's the best in the world and there's no comparison. I wish I could have been there with him in the middle at the time. Even when he played that innings in Hyderabad, I wished I could have been there - just the feeling of watching him score a double hundred in one-day cricket is unmatchable.
- What was special about this innings, apart from the fact that he got a double ton? I have never seen a batsman looking so much in control on a given day. He was hitting the ball nicely right from the start, even when we were together, he kept telling me to just time the ball and it will go for boundaries. I could see at that time that he was setting up well for a big one. The beauty of this knock was he kept getting runs and kept the momentum of the team for the entire fifty overs.
- You have grown up watching Tendulkar on television and try to copy his shots. What about this special innings? I will pay anything, even go to the theatre, to watch the innings 100 times. There's been no better innings played. I have already reserved a CD for myself, and have asked Dhanajaya (team analyst) to copy the video file into the hard disk of my laptop so I can watch it any time I want.
- What is so different about Tendulkar that he has re-written so many records? The greatest thing about Sachin is that you can't stop him from scoring runs. If you set an off-side field, he will score runs on the on-side, irrespective of where you bowl to him. And if he still wants to score on the off-side, he will do that, no matter how many fielders are employed there. He's the most difficult batsman to contain... the only way you can do it is by dismissing him.
- Did you see it coming?
- People have asked me before if it was possible to score a double hundred in ODIs, I have given them just one answer - that Sachin Tendulkar could. He has that hunger for runs, he loves the 50-over format and he loves to play the entire 50 overs. I remember when he got out for 163 against New Zealand (2009), he told me that he was troubled by muscle spasms and couldn't last the entire 50 overs and that he would go for the record next time. When he missed it in Hyderabad, he just smiled and told me 'bhagwan ne agar meri kismet mein likhi hai to zaroor banega (If it's in my destiny, I'll get there)'. Sachin was destined to get there.
- Tendulkar feels many more double hundreds will follow. Do you see yourself as a contender? Honestly, it's not easy. You need to be good enough to face 150 balls out of the 300 to get there. Sachin has set the benchmark and proved that impossible is nothing. There will be a few guys trying to chase him down and break the record, and I will definitely be one of them.
Peruvian cop arrested for YouTube video
A Peruvian police officer who posted a video on YouTube to complain about corruption and irregularities on the force has been arrested, a media report said.
Sgt. Rogelio Escalante, 49, was charged with conspiracy and insubordination, El Comercio newspaper said Wednesday.The video, which was posted on the Internet last month, shows Escalante in uniform demanding a pay raise for police and denouncing the 'gag rule' imposed on the force by former Interior Minister Mercedes Cabanillas, an influential figure in Peru's ruling APRA party.
Escalante also urged fellow officers to join in a strike announced for April 5.
He voluntarily gave a statement to the police Inspector General Office after posting the video, but a judge subsequently ordered Escalante's arrest.
Escalante is being held in a lockup at the police academy in Lima, along with Sgt. Edward Casas, who was detained last month for advocating a strike.
Following the two officers's protests, President Alan Garcia's government decided to pay a one-time bonus of 1,000 soles ($300) to members of the Peruvian police and armed forces.
Congress ratified the payments after a long, heated debate.
Jog for sex!
One in 10 joggers said they have sex at least once a day and three percent of joggers said they have sex twice a day. Amongst non-runners one in four (25 percent) said they had sex once a month or less, reports telegraph.co.uk.
The survey involving 1,000 runners and 1,000 non-runners, carried out by healthcare charity Sue Ryder Care, also found that one in 10 male runners confessed to thinking about sex while exercising.
In comparison, only five percent of women said they think about sex while running and almost half spend their time thinking about how the exercise is benefiting them.
The poll also found that a quarter of joggers admitted going running to help them flirt with the opposite sex in a trend branded as 'flunning'. More than a third said they have managed to strike up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex while running.
'Last year runners raised over 500,000 pounds for Sue Ryder Care so we wanted to find out what motivates people to run,' telegraph.co.uk quoted Laura Savory, running and events manager at Sue Ryder Care, as saying.
'We were tickled to discover this new craze which seems to have really caught on everywhere. We estimate that there are almost 600,000 flunners in the UK. It's a great opportunity for single runners to get out there and find their love match. We're hoping this will encourage more Brits to get running,' Savory added.
Kings XI Punjab vs Delhi Daredevils
Skipper Gautam Gambhir (72) helped Delhi Daredevils defeat Kings XI Punjab by five wickets in the third match of the IPL
Bride Pratigya to sizzle on her wedding
Star Plus’ prime time show ‘Mann Ki Awaaz Pratigya’ is getting ready for Krishna and Pratigya’s grand marriage. This is perhaps the first on-screen wedding where the entire rituals will take place in typical UP style.
“The makings of the wedding will be completely different and the rituals conducted will be as per the culture of the Thakurs. Add the gun shots too. Earlier, Kashmira Shah performed on a stunning item number ‘Bidi Jalaile’ that got Thakur Sajjan Singh (Anupam Shyam) to shake a leg or two. More fun is in store for the viewers as it’s buzzed that Pratigya (Pooja Gor) will perform to another scintillating track ‘Yeh Galiya Ye Chaubara’, which will be followed by the bidaai,” said a source.
Though she didn’t reveal about the dancing act, Pooja Gor had this to say, “Viewers will witness the grandest wedding on TV. The purpose of Pratigya’s marriage is to fight against the injustice meted out to her family and to teach Krishna a lesson.”
Well, the vengeance can wait. For now, let’s all grace this grand wedding.
Serena Williams to wed Lonnie
Rapper Lonnie Rashid Lynn, better known as Common, has fuelled rumours that he will marry Serena Williams by going public with his love for the tennis champion.
"Serena is a beautiful, fun and a strong woman. I love her heart and her strength. She's a warmhearted human being. I think she's incredible," contactmusic.com quoted Common, 38, as saying.
They have been dating for two years and despite a 10-year age gap, the recording star insists he's smitten with the 28-year-old tennis ace.
Karishma Kapoor gives birth to second child
Mumbai, (BollywoodWorld.com) Bollywood actress Karishma Kapoor, who is married to industrialist Sanjay Kapur, gave birth to a boy at Breach Candy Hospital here Friday morning, said a source. This is her second child.
“Karishma has given birth to a baby boy. The delivery took place in the morning,” the hospital source told IANS.
The actress, who gave many hits in her career including “Raja Hindustani”, “Hero No.1″ and “Dil Toh Pagal Hai”, also has a six-year-old daughter Samaira.
Karisma’s friend, jewellery designer Farah Khan Ali, wished her on her Twitter page. “Karisma Kapoor just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Many congratulations to her and her family,” Farah wrote.
Kangana, Priyanka, Hrithik at SRK’s party
Shah Rukh Khan went all the way for the Kolkata Knight Riders. King Khan organised a party for his Bollywood friends and colleagues at Mannat to celebrate the beginning of IPL. Everyone from Hrithik Roshan, Abhay Deol, Akon, Kamal Haasan, Fardeen Khan, Dino Moera, Sanjay Kapoor, Malaika Arora Khan, Sushmita Sen, Neelam, Priyanka Chopra, to Kunal Kapoor, and more were present for the party.
Rani Mukherjee feeds her fans
On the shoot of Karan Johar’s show, Lift Kara De, Rani Mukherjee was the only celebrity who showed how humble she is. She had got along a bowl of kheer that was cooked by her mother Krishna Mukherjee, unlike the other stars who came earlier.
She didn’t just bring the kheer, she even fed it to her fan personally on the sets of the show. The actress expressed that her fans meant a lot to her. She admitted that each time she feels low; she reads her fan mail, which always cheers her up.
Sayali Bhagat in a bikini!
This year, Sayali has an interesting line-up of films like Wilson Louis’ horror film, Shout, Saint Who Thought Otherwise, Production No 1A, and two more films in south Indian languages. “My only wish for the whole year is that I need a hit,” Sayali says.
Just another link up?
South stars are catching up a lot faster now and getting used to the controversies that are a daily affair in Bollywood. Two new budding actors – Sidharth and Shruti Hassan, who have been linked together since a month now, answered the media very smartly, still keeping the suspense on their relationship. While Sidharth refused to accept or deny the rumour and said that such things don’t bother him, Shruti said that she would only talk about the film that they both are a part of.
Who looks the most glam in a red strapless dress?
These three ladies of Bollywood look stunning and graceful in their strapless red dresses. Who do you think looks the most glamorous out of the three?
Who looks best after Weight loss??
While there are several bollywood actresses who are trying to gain weight or shed some weight, there are some actresses who have lost tremendous amount of weight. Who looks best according to you after the weight loss?
Why Hrithik Roshan’s film is called Kites
Finally, we know why Kites is called Kites. Producer Rakesh Roshan and director Anurag Basu, makers of Kites, one of the most eagerly awaited romantic films of this summer disclose the inspiration behind their film’s title.
“The idea for Kites came to me when I was gazing at the sky and saw two kites flying,”. It looked very romantic. It was very intriguing – the way they came close, played, almost embraced each other and then drew apart. Unaware that someone else was pulling the strings and could cut them loose. I sat down and penned a story around this idea.” notes Rakesh Roshan.
“Kites is a metaphor in the film. Kites fly against the wind and not with it, stronger the wind blows, higher they fly,” adds Anurag Basu who penned the screenplay and directed the film.
Produced by Rakesh Roshan and to be released worldwide by Reliance BIG Pictures, Kites is directed by Anurag Basu. It stars Hrithik Roshan and the Mexican star Barbara Mori along with Kangana Ranaut, Kabir Bedi and Nick Brown.
Worth watching..!!!
Deepika Padukone performs at IPL opening
Deepika Padukone performed at the opening ceremony of the 2010 DLF Indian Premier League T20 series on March 12. International stars Lionel Richie, Bjorn Again and Ali Campbell also performed in the Rock Stars ahead of the group stage match between the Deccan Chargers and the Kolkata Knight Riders played at DY Patil Stadium in Mumbai, India.
You Might Be A Yankee If . . .
You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You don't know what a moon pie is.
You've never had grain alcohol.
You've never, ever, eaten okra.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You don't have bangs.
You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "yous guys," even if both of them are women.
You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
You think that more money should go to important scientific research at your university, than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that advertises feed stores.
The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
You don't know what applique is.
You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Don, & et al.)
You do know what "et al" means.
You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
You've never been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You can do your laundry without quarters.
AND
None of your fur coats are homemade.
You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You don't know what a moon pie is.
You've never had grain alcohol.
You've never, ever, eaten okra.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You don't have bangs.
You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "yous guys," even if both of them are women.
You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
You think that more money should go to important scientific research at your university, than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that advertises feed stores.
The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
You don't know what applique is.
You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Don, & et al.)
You do know what "et al" means.
You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
You've never been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You can do your laundry without quarters.
AND
None of your fur coats are homemade.
What Gender Is Your Computer?
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
Things like "Chalk' or "Pencil", she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was made up of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
What's the difference between ENUM & SET ?
An ENUM object will allow the list of values declared explicitly in the column specification at
the time of table creation. If you try to insert the value which is not part of enum declared
list then null value will be inserted.
SET datatype also similar to ENUM but the difference is that it will allow combination of values from the
list of assigned string during the table creation.
Look at the example given below. Let's create a test table and explore it..
create table test
(
id integer not null auto_increment primary key,
prod varchar(30) comment 'Product Name',
prod_cat ENUM('Food', 'Cosmetics', 'Sweet', 'Others'),
prod_sub SET('new stock', 'stock', 'old stock', 'stock reorder')
);
-- Inserting some values...
insert into test values(null, 'Horlicks', 'Food', 'new stock');
-- here prod_cat value given as 'newnew', this is not part of the ENUM list hence blank value will be inserted.
insert into test values(null, 'Horlicks', 'newnew', 'new stock');
-- SET : we can have multiple values from the assigned list if the data type declared as SET.
insert into test values(null, 'Sugar', 'Food', 'new stock,old stock');
mysql> select * from test;
+----+----------+----------+---------------------+
| id | prod | prod_cat | prod_sub |
+----+----------+----------+---------------------+
| 1 | Horlicks | Food | new stock |
| 2 | Horlicks | | new stock |
| 3 | Sugar | Food | new stock,old stock |
+----+----------+----------+---------------------+
-- for SET data type, use LIKE / FIND_IN_SET() operators while searching
mysql> select * from test where FIND_IN_SET('old stock', prod_sub) >0;
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
| id | prod | prod_cat | prod_sub |
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
| 3 | Sugar | Food | new stock,old stock |
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
(or)
mysql> select * from test where prod_sub = 'new stock,old stock';
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
| id | prod | prod_cat | prod_sub |
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
| 3 | Sugar | Food | new stock,old stock |
+----+-------+----------+---------------------+
These datatypes can be used effectively for the predetermined values, so that we can able to preserve data
integrity. However it depends upon the user requirement.
Widow's Request
The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.
She demands that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose.
The undertaker pleads, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time.
The widow asks, "Who's paying for this?"
Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheels the coffin out, but then wheels it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit.
After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow compliments the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he'd been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast.
The funeral director answers, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit.
All we had to do was switch heads.
My Work History
1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, I tried to be a chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
6. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a shoe factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.
10. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
11. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Brave Captain Smith
One fine day, Brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue.
Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull & crossbones raised on the mast.
The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.
Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said "Bring me my red shirt."
The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy.
As soon as Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship.
In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.
The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.
He responded, "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."
The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and the crew talked all night about his bravery.
About a week later, there loomed on the horizon TEN pirate ships.
Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership.
Calmly, Captain Smith turned to his cabin boy and called, "Bring me my brown pants."
Spotted: Deepika’s hot arm candy at IPL day 1
Indian Premiere League kick-started last night with Kolkata Knight Riders taking on last year’s champions, Deccan Chargers. Like every year, the 1st day enjoyed a heavy turnout from the who’s who in the country. From business tycoons and politicians to Bollywood stars and other socialites, day 1 of IPL was a glittering event.
At one of the VIP lounges at the DY Patil Stadium, we spotted actress Deepika Padukone sitting pretty with Royal Challengers owner, Vijay Mallya and his son Siddharth. Though Deepika was the only Bollywood star present at the lounge, she certainly had no dearth of company. The actress, who also performed before the game started, seemed to be fully enjoying talking to the hot and handsome Junior Mallya.
The two youngsters were so busy with each other that they hardly looked up to watch the ongoing match. Apart from taking a 5 minute break from their conversation to have dinner; Deepika seemed at utmost comfort interacting with the Kingfisher heir and his friends. The two seemed very fond of each other’s company, so much so that they even chose to leave the venue together just minutes into the second half of the match.
We see a strong friendship brewing there!
At one of the VIP lounges at the DY Patil Stadium, we spotted actress Deepika Padukone sitting pretty with Royal Challengers owner, Vijay Mallya and his son Siddharth. Though Deepika was the only Bollywood star present at the lounge, she certainly had no dearth of company. The actress, who also performed before the game started, seemed to be fully enjoying talking to the hot and handsome Junior Mallya.
The two youngsters were so busy with each other that they hardly looked up to watch the ongoing match. Apart from taking a 5 minute break from their conversation to have dinner; Deepika seemed at utmost comfort interacting with the Kingfisher heir and his friends. The two seemed very fond of each other’s company, so much so that they even chose to leave the venue together just minutes into the second half of the match.
We see a strong friendship brewing there!
Old wine?
The plot isn't new. In fact it's a bit like old wine in a new bottle. “But some things get better with age,” said actor Ajay Devgn, “and that's what my new film does.”
He expects his most recent venture to rock the theatres because it was a film “that could be watched by anybody, and in any company. It's a situation that almost every Indian household will identify with and that is what is so great about the film.” He added that the film was a comedy, the kind that makes one feel good.
“It's like watching a Hrishikesh Mukerjee film - timeless, one can see them any number of times,” said he. “I know the plot isn't new but there are some things that get better with age and this film, ‘Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge’ is one of those. The treatment is the novelty factor and I am sure the audiences will lap it up,” he added.
Kareena takes a break to spend time with newborn nephew
Bollywood diva Kareena Kapoor is ‘over the moon’ for the svelte actress recently became an aunt when her elder sister Karisma Kapoor delivered a baby boy at Breach Candy Hospital yesterday.
"We haven`t named the baby as yet but will do so in a couple of days. I have also thought of a name for him. We are all over the moon with the baby and so is Samaira. Last night we had an intimate family dinner to celebrate the baby`s arrival," added Kareena.
News has it that Kareena has cancelled or postponed all her pending assignments by a week so that she can spend quality time with her family. The size-zero star quipped, "Yes I have! Nothing - not even work can come between my babies and me! I love babies and I just can`t wait to hold Lolo`s baby in my arms and play with him. When Lolo is busy with the baby, Mom (Babita) and I will take turns to baby sit Samaira."
When enquired what the actress is planning to do during this break, a beaming Kareena said, "I am looking forward to this break with great pleasure! I have already shopped for the baby`s clothes and toys and looking forward to giving them to him. This break is also a great way of my entire family coming together and bonding in a big way."
Shilpa’s bizarre request to Mumbaikars!
Shilpa Shetty is one gutsy lady. The actresses’ talented Rajasthan Royals team lead by Shane Warne will take on Mukesh Ambani’s Mumbai Indians lead by Aamcha Sachin Tendulkar.
Mumbai Indians are definitely the favourites as they play at Brabourne stadium in Mumbai today thus on their home ground with the support of the Mumbaikars. Rajasthan on the other side is still a strong side but will face the opposition of not just Sachin’s boys but the huge Mumbai crowd.
Shilpa has thus urged her fans and especially Mumbaikars to support Rajasthan too!
Shilpa wrote on Twitter, “On my way to the stadium now..need all the Luck to face Mumbai Indians in Mumbai! HALLA BOL.”
Unlike Shah Rukh who will only attend Kolkata Knight Riders’ matches played in Kolkata, Shilpa will attend all her team’s matches no matter where they are played.
Now that’s one brave woman we say.
Mumbai Indians are definitely the favourites as they play at Brabourne stadium in Mumbai today thus on their home ground with the support of the Mumbaikars. Rajasthan on the other side is still a strong side but will face the opposition of not just Sachin’s boys but the huge Mumbai crowd.
Shilpa has thus urged her fans and especially Mumbaikars to support Rajasthan too!
Shilpa wrote on Twitter, “On my way to the stadium now..need all the Luck to face Mumbai Indians in Mumbai! HALLA BOL.”
Unlike Shah Rukh who will only attend Kolkata Knight Riders’ matches played in Kolkata, Shilpa will attend all her team’s matches no matter where they are played.
Now that’s one brave woman we say.
Last Day on the Job
Friday, March 12, 2010
Labels:
Gender
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Grass Sandwich
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
Labels:
Gender
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
New Lawyer
Labels:
Gender
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."
After the Office Party
Labels:
Gender
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
How to Know where a Driver is from
Labels:
Gender
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator:California
With gun in lap:L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat:Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game:Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window:Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment:Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car:Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um"
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator:California
With gun in lap:L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat:Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game:Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window:Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road:Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment:Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car:Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um"
Blonde Lumberjack
Labels:
Gender
A blonde travels to Canada to seek herfortune as a lumberjack. She meets aforeman of a logging organization whooffers to give her a job.
"Now, I hope you realize we expect youto cut down at least 100 trees a day,"the foreman told her.
The blonde woman didn''t see this as aproblem, so she went out with theChainsaw and did her best. She cameback drenched in sweat.
"Geez lady, how many trees did you cutdown?" asked the foreman."6" she replied."What!? You have to do better than that.Get up earlier tomorrow!"
So she did. Out she went with thechainsaw, she came back that nightexhausted.
"How many this time?" asked the foreman."12" she said.The foreman says, "That does it. I''mcoming out there with you tomorrowmorning!"
The next morning, the foreman reachesthe first tree and says, "This is howto cut down trees really quickly."He pulls the rope on the chainsaw andit gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM.
He notices the blonde is looking at himfrantically, so he asks her what''s wrong.
And she replies, "What the hell is thatnoise?"
"Now, I hope you realize we expect youto cut down at least 100 trees a day,"the foreman told her.
The blonde woman didn''t see this as aproblem, so she went out with theChainsaw and did her best. She cameback drenched in sweat.
"Geez lady, how many trees did you cutdown?" asked the foreman."6" she replied."What!? You have to do better than that.Get up earlier tomorrow!"
So she did. Out she went with thechainsaw, she came back that nightexhausted.
"How many this time?" asked the foreman."12" she said.The foreman says, "That does it. I''mcoming out there with you tomorrowmorning!"
The next morning, the foreman reachesthe first tree and says, "This is howto cut down trees really quickly."He pulls the rope on the chainsaw andit gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM.
He notices the blonde is looking at himfrantically, so he asks her what''s wrong.
And she replies, "What the hell is thatnoise?"
The Best Out-Of-Office e-mail auto-replies
Labels:
computer
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over)
6. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve'
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over)
6. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve'
French Computers
Labels:
computer
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..."
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
"House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..."
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Afterlife of Bill Gates
Labels:
computer
One day Bill Gates died and went to heaven.
When he got there he met God.
God said "Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell?"
Bill Gates said, "Can I have a look at them first?"
So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.
Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.
Bill Gates choose Hell.A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God: "When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun. What happened??!!?"
God replied, "Oh that? It was only a demo".
When he got there he met God.
God said "Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell?"
Bill Gates said, "Can I have a look at them first?"
So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.
Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.
Bill Gates choose Hell.A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God: "When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun. What happened??!!?"
God replied, "Oh that? It was only a demo".
New Viruses on the loose!
Oprah Winfrey virus:Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T virus:Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus:Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Politically Correct virus:Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.Government Economist virus:Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus:Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus:Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Texas virus:Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus:Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional virus:The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus:You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian virus:Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
Public Television virus:Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis virus:Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Nike virus:Just does it.
Congressional virus #2:Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Star Trek virus:Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care virus:Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
AT&T virus:Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus:Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Politically Correct virus:Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.Government Economist virus:Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus:Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus:Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Texas virus:Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus:Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional virus:The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus:You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian virus:Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
Public Television virus:Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis virus:Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Nike virus:Just does it.
Congressional virus #2:Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Star Trek virus:Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care virus:Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
Car Trouble 3
There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a faultmight have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
Downturn in the StockMarket
Telltale signs of a downturn in the Stockmarket...
=> NASDAQ seen in waterfront dive getting gooned on port shooters.
=> You've just called your investment house and the first thing they tell you is the soup of the day.
=> U.S. dollar and foil covered chocolate pirate doubloons currently on par.
=> Dow Jones now stripping in gay bar under the name Wow Jones.
=> Next parade down wall street, CEOs still fling tickertape from windows, only now don't bother taking it out of their pockets.
=> Alan Greenspan has personally adopted a pesos-only policy.
You've been programming too long when
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
Corruption
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Clean the Mouse
How to clean your mouse...
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
ABC's of ex girlfriends
Ais for Arteries.You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
Bis for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
Cis for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.
Dis for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
Eis for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
Fis for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
Gis for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
His for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
Istands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
Jstands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
Kstands for Kill.
Lis for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
Lis also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
Mstands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.
Nstands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?
Ois for On top. When on top she has another O word.
Pis for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Qis for Quitter. She couldn't last.
Ris for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
Sstands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.
Tis for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
Uis for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.
Vis for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.
Wstands for Whine. She was a pro at this.
Xis for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
Ystands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
Zstands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"
.stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.
Bis for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
Cis for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.
Dis for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
Eis for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
Fis for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
Gis for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
His for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
Istands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
Jstands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
Kstands for Kill.
Lis for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
Lis also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
Mstands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.
Nstands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?
Ois for On top. When on top she has another O word.
Pis for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Qis for Quitter. She couldn't last.
Ris for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
Sstands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.
Tis for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
Uis for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.
Vis for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.
Wstands for Whine. She was a pro at this.
Xis for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
Ystands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
Zstands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"
.stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.
Preity Zinta to spread AIDS awareness via IPL
As the much-hyped cricket tournament IPL kicks off, Preity Zinta has decided to spread awareness about the disease using the format of the game. The actress has been appointed as the Goodwill Ambassador for the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) in India.
The actress and the Chairperson of the Kings XI Punjab team will not only raise awareness on HIV prevention, treatment, care and support, with an emphasis on women, children and the oppressed but will also support the mission of empowering people focused at especially women and girls aiming to help them to protect themselves.
Preity has promised that all of her team members will wear red ribbons during all their matches and the team will also product a short commercial film trying to raise awareness about the disease. Moreover, the team will also donate 25% of the profit made by the sale of merchandise to the mission.
It is estimated that the percentage of HIV-infected injectibles in India stands at 15%, which is way higher than the global average of 15%. Moreover, in few areas, this percentage also goes as high as 50%.
Worried about exits, Infosys moves to soothe staff
Labels:
Software
A strong rebound in the economy and rising job prospects, peculiarly, seems to have the top management of Infosys worried as hard facts of employee attrition hit home.
The software major is going out of way to woo employees while setting the pace for pay hikes and promotions. So much so that S. Gopalkrishnan CEO and managing director of Infosys shot off a mail to Infoscions last week seeking to assuage hurt sentiments, obliquely admitting that the management was willing to address some of the critical issues that employees are not happy about. "I understand that you would like me to look at some of the concerns you have raised seriously and resolve them," said Gopalkrishnan in his letter.
He added that the organisation believes that employees are key and the force behind every success. "We have formed a task force to look into and champion employee engagement in every unit," he said.
Officially, Infosys says its attrition level is 11.6 per cent for Oct-Dec 2009. However, industry sources say the current quarter, whose figures will be disclosed only next month, has been a matter of concern for the company in view of a higher-than-expected departure of employees. Company officials are not giving details.
Infosys's policy mandates its employees to be physically present for a little more than nine hours a day in the campus. It also has a new iRACE policy that requires an employee to spend a minimum number of years before consideration for promotion. The company has also introduced new certification exams linked to promotions and salary increases. An employee is expected to clear two such exams in a year. Company insiders and ex-Infoscions are hardly surprised by the latest letter from Gopalakrishnan. "Resentment has been brewing for over a year against certain HR initiatives of the company. With the recession waning away and more employment opportunities coming up people are opting out," said Devesh (name changed) a software engineer at Infosys.
The management, however, sought to downplay the issues, stating the company has been continuously changing its HR policies to keep the troops happy and motivated. "We have a robust feedback mechanism in the company and policies are not static. Based on feedback and context, we have been modifying and tweaking policies for best results," a company spokesperson said.
Tiger, Elin 'caught kissing'
Tiger Woods and wife Elin Nordegren have reportedly reconciled.
The pair was seen kissing for the first time in months since the scandal that rocked their marriage, Radar Online has reported.
According the Herald Sun, model Nordegren had called it quits with golfing star Woods following his numerous extra marital affairs.
As per the source, Nordegren, 30, met up with Woods after playing tennis on Monday where they were seen openly affectionate with each other.
"They were hugging and they were kissing right out in the open," the source said.
The source added: "Elin is certainly a lot more relaxed these days and so is he. People in the neighborhood are getting used to seeing them together again."
Ford rolls out Figo at Rs 3.5 lakh
Ford has rolled out the Figo, a car much awaited in the Indian market for it's new Chennai plant, with an aggressive price tag ranging between Rs 3.5 lakh for the entry-level petrol vehicle, and Rs 5.3 lakh for the top-end diesel variant. Figo is the second car to be launched this year with an entry price of less than Rs 3.5 lakh, a price segment that has seen little action since General Motors introduced the Spark three years ago.
The Figo compares favourably with competitors on pricing and performance, but along with the Chevrolet Beat, its rock-bottom pricing indicates very low margins for the company and an intensification the battle for a slice of the compact car segment. The Figo will feature a standard 1.2 litre engine designed specially for the Indian market and will be available in the 1.4 litre Duratorq diesel engine as well. Both models will feature a manual five speed transmission and a retuned chassis, specially for the Indian terrain.
Starting with an excellent structure and chassis, both interior and exterior designers took the Ford kinetic brand philosophy and applied it to the new Indian model. Figo's exterior styling follows the global kinetic design elements that help harmonise the car with other models in the Ford global line-up, including Focus and Mondeo. Starting with the tri-plane front end, elements including the split line on the top of the bonnet line up perfectly with the top of the headlamps and combine to give the car a sporty and aggressive appearance and develop the car's unique personality.
The car's large headlamps have a dynamic shape that helps define the element of speed and agility for the Figo. High models also include door handles painted to match the body colour, adding to the upscale presence of the vehicle. From the rear also, the Figo continues with the kinetic design cues. The rear backlight, along with a subtle hint of a spoiler located in the tailgate adds to the dynamism and muscular appeal. The rear backlight is flush-mounted for reduced wind noise. On High series models, a rear wiper and nozzle sprayer are included. The centre high-mounted stop lamp (CHMSL) is located in the rear roofline. To help ensure visibility in city traffic, the new tail lamps are located high in the rear quarter panel.
To ensure a quiet interior, doors on the Figo include effective, new rubber seal designs to decrease wind noise inside the passenger compartment. On models equipped with diesel engines, double seals are used at the door openings. The daylight opening (DLO) or the side glass area features a black "B" pillar and is surrounded by black trim. The long, fast DLO adds to the sporty stance of the Figo. From the rear also, the Figo continues with the kinetic design cues
The rear backlight, along with a subtle hint of a spoiler located in the tailgate adds to the dynamism and muscular appeal. The rear backlight is flush-mounted for reduced wind noise. On High series models, a rear wiper and nozzle sprayer are included. The centre high-mounted stop lamp (CHMSL) is located in the rear roofline. To help ensure visibility in city traffic, the new tail lamps are located high in the rear quarter panel.
The instrument panel is free flowing and smooth with a textured surface. The instrumentation on the entry series includes a speedometer and fuel gauge. Warning lights for engine coolant, oil pressure and voltage are included in the cluster to alert the driver. Also included are reminders for door ajar, headlamps on, seatbelts and for diesel models, water in fuel. All models include a 12V power socket to charge personal items including cell phones.
The seat design for Figo is all-new and includes fabric seat inserts with a specific bolster and trim pattern that are unique for each series. Black cloth with a distinctive blue pattern highlight is the sole colour for the interior of the Entry Figo. Mid and High series have a black - theme interior highlighted with red accents. All interiors are distinctive with each interior having different variations in trim. Inside and out, the design of Figo lives up to its name - cool!
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