Sardar SMS Jokes

☻Two Sardar stopped suddenly.
1st Sardar: OMG! My wife and my girlfriend coming together.
2nd Sardar: Mine too.



☻A sardar goes to a restaurant
and his cell phone rings.
Wife: How are you?

Surprised Sardarji:Oji I am fine but
how did you know where I was?


☻How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the board.

☻Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!



☻A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.

Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.


☻A small 2 seater plane was crashed in graveyard.
A Sardar was investigation officer.
In report he said:
500 dead bodies are found
and digging for rest.



☻Sardar at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


☻Interviewer: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Interviewer: Which part?
Sardar: What which part, whole body was born in Punjab. “;-)

☻Sardar’s wish : when i die,
I wanna die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep
not screaming
like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

☻Sardar and Pathan going somewhere together.
They found 1000 Rs. on the way.
Pathan: Let’s take 50/50.
Sardar: What will do of remaining 900?

☻Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar:
“Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.”

☻A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.

☻NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

☻Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: Take my card.
Waiter: But sir, this is Ration Card.
Sardar: So what?
You have written outside
“ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”

☻Sardar told his servant:
Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what?
Take an umbrella and go.

☻Judge: Why are you arrested?
Sardar: For shopping early?
Judge: Well, thats not a crime, anyway how early you were shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop…,

☻Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came
to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

☻Interviewer: Congrats, you are selected.
Your 1st month salary is Rs: 6000.
Next month salary will be 10000.
Sardar: Ok sir, I’ll Join next month.

☻Sardar proposed a girl……
Girl said am 1 yr elder to u…….
Sardar said Oye no problem
soniye I’ll marry u next year.

☻Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.

☻2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more.

☻How do you sink a submarine
filled with sardars..?
.
.
.
.
Just knock the door.

☻Astrologer: you must married only 32 years old women to start a happy life.
sardar: shall I married two 16 years old girls

☻On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him,
“Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?”
Sardar : “Ya sure, from landline or mobile”.

☻As train start running,
a sardar got the train.
TT: Don’t you see it’s female bogie?
Sardar: Sorry, I thought you were a man.

☻Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.

☻Sardar: Will you marry me?
Girl: Sorry I am a lesbian.
Sardar: What’s a lesbian?
Girl: I like to sleep with girls.
Sardar: Give me a hand… I am also lesbian

☻Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler

☻Sardar had twins. He named Tara & Sitara.
Again twins, He named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins, He named Max & Climax.
Again twins, finally He named STOP & FULLSTOp:-)

☻Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening?”
Sardar :”Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright”

☻Teacher: “I killed a person”
convert this sentence into future tense
Sardar: The future tense is “You will go to jail”

☻Sardar comes back to his car
&
find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
‘Thanks for compliment.’

☻Sardar complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.’
Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV?’
Ah Beng : ‘I was watching TV news…’

☻Sardar got into a bus on 1st April
when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/-
and took the ticket and said april fool.
I have pass.

☻Sardar: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Sardar: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

☻Sardar bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone
from his Phone Book & said,
My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610

☻A sardarji photographer is focusing
a dead body’s face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

☻Sardar was giving his medical entrance exam
He gave definitions as follows:
Antibody:
Against everybody
Artery:
Study of fine art paintings
Cardiology:
Advanced study of playing cards
CT scan:
Scanning 4 lost whistle..
Coma:
Punctuation mark
Bacteria:
Back door to a cafeteria…

☻Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
“Me sick, no work”
Boss SMS back:
“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
“Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

☻A sardar goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

☻Police:Instead of hospital why did u take ur wife to COMEDY MOVIE during pregnancy
Sardar: ALL the child were crying when they born
I want my child to laugh so i take my wife TO CINEMA

☻Teacher: What is tha difference between orange & apple?
Sardar: The color of orange is orange but the color of apple is not apple.

☻A bird was disturbing to a Sardar.
Finally Sardar caught it and decided to kill it cruelly,
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it

☻Boss asked Sardar
to buy two corner tickets for a movie
to watch with his Girlfriend.
Sardar bought two corner tickets:
A1…………….A25

☻A sardar ji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.
He writes a love letter to the Nurse :-
I Love You sister….

☻Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: Im writing to my 6 years old son,
he cant read very fast.

☻Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
“WIFE” & “MOTHER”

☻SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With “MOTHER”
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our “WIFE

☻Sardar As A Director:
You Have To Jump In The Swimming Pool From 100.ft Height.
Hero: I Don’t Know Swimming
Sardar: Oye Don’t Worry Yaar! Pool Is Empty;-)



☻Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!


☻Sardar: ‘Doctor, my son swallowed a key.’
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 months ago.
Doctor: What were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key.
Doctor: So why have u come today?
Sardar: We ve lost the duplicate key !!!



☻Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA

Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA


☻Sardar in airoplane going to Bombay.
While its landing he shouted:
“Bombay ….Bombay”
Airhostess said: “B silent.”
Sardar: “Ok… Ombay… Ombay”

☻Sardar saw a very high Airtel Tower
& red light glowing on the top,
seeing this he said India is developing fast,
see there are traffic signals for Aeroplane in the air

☻Teacher: What happen on 1869?
Sardar: I don’t know.
Teacher: Stupid its birthday of Gandhi G.
Now tell me what happen on 1873?
Sardar: Its 4th birthday of Gandhi G:-)

☻In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Sardar:I don’t know.
Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name

☻Sardar after interview
everything went fine till the time
he asked me for testimonials.
I guess i showed him the wrong thing !!!

Adult SMS

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

Daring SMS

☻You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!


☻I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...


☻Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you !


☻I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My sigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ...

☻I wish you lots of itching and short arms.


☻You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard!


☻Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!!


☻If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra????!!!


☻A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!


☻Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..


☻Oké honey, we will try one more time!! How do you spell 'IQ' ?


☻I am born this way, but what is your excuse?


☻I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke !


☻Some people die. Others become a teacher...


☻The more the merrier. The more women, the more prettier.


☻Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.


☻If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!!


☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!


☻You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.


☻When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.


☻Roses are red ... Violets are blue ... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo !!!


☻On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!


☻Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it.


☻Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you!


☻He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.


☻A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.


☻It is red and it taps on the window .................... A baby in a microwave.


☻I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass

Dirty SMS

☻Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

☻Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.


☻Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.
Doctor: How do u figure that?
Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wetv

☻Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.

☻Cricketer describing a nude girl:
There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

☻What's the geographical definition of sex?
It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!

☻What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.

☻Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

☻UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.

☻Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!

☻A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?
A Moisturiser.

☻Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

☻A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

☻A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

☻A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don't hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts

☻3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

☻Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!

☻Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out

☻Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?
A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour.

☻They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!

☻Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.

☻Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits

☻Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

☻Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

☻Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

☻The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube.

☻All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

☻What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Vicks Inhaler

☻When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE

Kiss SMS

☻A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise

☻KISS is purely organic and naturally sweet,
has no artificial ingredients and
is 100% wholesome.
Here’s one for you.
MMWAAAH! Have a nice day!

☻Love is the name,kiss is the game forget the name lets play the game.

☻Wen nite cums look 2 da sky,
if u c a falling star dont wonder Y.
Just make a vsh,
trust me it will cum true,
coz wen i did it, i found U.

☻Love is heat.
You are sweet.
When two Lips are meet.
Love is complete.

☻If u read,u owe me a HUG,
if u delete,u Owe me a kiss,
if u save,u owe me a DATE,
if u return txt msg 2 me,
u OWE me All,
bt if u ignore,
U r MINe!
So wat will U do?

☻"Where should one use perfume?"
a young woman asked.
"Wherever one wants to be kissed,"
I said.


☻if i could bring back memories i would bring the first day i kissed you i look you in the eyes and felt love.thanks god an angel came into my life!

☻Love is blind
Be very kind
when I kiss you
Please don’t mind.

☻My love for you grows more with each passing day,
The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away:
Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness,
Those luscious lips I love to kiss.

☻My eyes are eager to see you,
my ears are eager to listen you,
my lips are eager to kiss you,
and my dreams in night are eager to welcome you

☻U r sweeter than honey. purer than milk. softer than flower. since i have u as my lover, come to me near, i'll kiss ur lips without fear. u'll say, having u is treasure & be wit me for ever.

☻The fluffy cloud may kiss the sky,
the rose may kiss the butterfly,
the morning due may kiss the grass
but you my friend may kiss my lips!!

☻I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money
I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money, but you are my friend
I ll KISS YOU FOR FREE !!


☻cut a fish in a dish,
if you love me
give me a KISS

☻Son: The girl of our neighbors
don’t understand English.
Father: How do you know?
Son: I said to her “Give Me Sweet Kiss”
and she slapped me.

☻A kiss is an inquiry in the upper Floor about vacancy in the lower floor.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
I”ve been thinking about u and me..
if we were alone how it would be..
I would kiss u all over till ur feeling hot..
then give u a sensation when I hit the spot!


☻What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.


☻If I had one wish
I would give you a long and tender kiss
and if I had two wishes
then I would choose to do it over again.

☻If luvin” was aginst the law,
and kissin” was a crime,
i would gladly spend my life with u,
in prison doin” time.

☻“Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let”s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”

☻A peach is a peach.
a plum is a plum.
a kiss is not a kiss unless its with tongues.
so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you

☻Kissing you baby is my dream.
I am strawberry & you are the cream.
Handle me gently keep me real keen.
U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻Give me one kiss to go to sleep.
Give me two kisses to dream.
Give me an endless row of kisses to,
when I wake up in the morning,
think of you as the last kiss I never forget it.

☻what kisses mean
KISS ON HAND=i adore u,
KISS ON CHEEK=lets be friends,
KISS ON NECK=i want u,
KISS ON LIPS=i love u,
KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=…lets not get carried away!

☻Nice Kiss is on Head.
Sweet Kiss is on Cheeks.
Passionate Kiss is on Lips.
Romantic Kiss is on Neck
and
Seriously Hottest Kiss is on “IRON”
Try it now. Mmmmuah

☻Kisses blown are kisses wasted.
kisses are not kisses unless they are tasted.
kisses spread germs and germs are hated.
but you can kiss me baby i am vaccinated

☻Kiss is a key of love
love is a lock of marriage
marriage is a box of children
children is a problem of world.
Please stop kissing
and
save the world.

☻If kisses were water,
I will give you the sea,
If hugs were leaves,
I will give you a tree,
If you love a planet,
I will give you a galaxy,
If friendship is life,
I will give you mine.

☻Never ask 4 a kiss, just take it.
Never give a hug, ask 4 it.
Never ask do u love me, first say I love u.
Never say I cant live without u, say I live for u.


☻Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!

☻Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated

Wrong Person Messages

☻I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

☻This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

☻Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

☻I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

☻Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

☻You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

☻Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

☻Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number

Romantic SMS

☻Cute Love Story.
Boy: Hey I’ve got two words to say.
Girl: What?
Boy: I LOVE U
Girl: Huh.. Isn’t that 3 words?
Boy: No! Because (U) And (I) Are One:-):-D

☻If I could have ,
I would wish to wake up everyday
To the sound of your breath on my neck,
The warmth of your lips on my cheek,
The touch of your fingers on my skin,
And the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
With anyone other than you.

☻U'll always be mine, 4 now & 4 ever, U'll always be mine. Pls tell me its true, pls be mine 4 ever, I'll always always love you!

☻A candle may melt
and it’s fire may die,
but the love you have
given me will always
stay as a flame in my heart

☻when next time it rains,
try to catch the drops in your hands,
the drops you catch is the amount,
YOU LIKE ME,
the drops you missed is the amount,
I LIKE YOU.



☻How long will you be special to me?

As long as the stars twinkle in the sky,
As long as angels are there up high,
Till the ocean run dry and till the day i die.


☻Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

☻Know what makes me happy when you sms me?
Not your jokes, graphics or sweet messages
but your NAME that “APPEARS” on the cell
when it beeps knowing that you remembering me.

☻Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling. If we could decide who to love, then, life would be much simpler, but then less magical.

☻I Will Wait …
Till The Day
I Can Forget You …
Or
The Day
You Realize
You Cannot Forget Me ..

☻24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely.

Have a lovely day n life!**

☻Whenever you feel sadness in your HEART,
Blackness in your EYES,
Paleness on your FACE,
Fragrance in your body,
It shows you are suffering lack of vitamin “ME”.

☻Wen things go wrong...
Wen sadness fills ur heart...
wen tears flow in ur eyes...
always remember 3 things
1) I'm with u...
2) Still with u...
3) Will ALWAYS b...

☻Some people say happiness is life.
Others say it’s freedom
and some say it’s money.
But happiness for me is
just having the opportunity to know you!!

☻If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..
If Your askin if I'll Leave U the answer is Never..
If Your askin what I value the Answer is U..
if Your askin if I love U the answer is I do.

☻I have a simple calculation
on how long we will be together.
Count the stars in heaven
and sand on shore multiplied
by the heartbeats = forever!

☻I dream about you evey night
I shiver when your in sight
I long to hold you close n tight
I wanna be there with all my might
I m just hoping I'm the girl whos right

☻My cell phone is waiting for your call
inbox waiting for your SMS
call register waiting for your miscall
my heart waiting for your friendship

☻When i look at you,
i cannot deny there is God,
cause only God could have created some one
as wonderful n beautiful as you

☻You say you love me & want to hold me tight,
Those words run through my head day & night,
I dreamed you held me & made me see,
That forever together we would be!

☻If i reached for your hand , will u hold it ?
If i hold out my arms, will u hug me ?
If i go for your lips, will u kiss me ?
If i capture ur heart , will u love me ??

☻Life spent with someone
for a lifetime may be meaningless,
But a few moments spent
with someone who really loves U,
Means more than a life itself!

☻Smile in Pleasure
Smile in Pain
Smile when trouble pours like Rain
Smile when sum1 Hurts U
Smile becoz SOMEONE still
Loves to see u Smiling!!

☻I wonder if you know,
How special you are,
I wonder if you know,
How precious you are,
I wonder if you know,
How lucky i am,
To have you in my life,
I love you so much.

☻No shadows 2 depress u
only joys 2 surround u
many friends 2 luv u
God himself 2 bless u
These r my wishes 4 u,
for today, tommorrow & everyday

☻A day may start or end
without a message from me,
but believe me
it won’t start or end
without me thinking of you..See!
I just did. Take care.

☻C.L.I.C.K. means :

C= cant live without u
L= love u
I= i miss u
C= care about u
K= kiss from my heart 2 u
So whenever u miss me just say CLICK.

☻Heart may forget to beat
Eyes may forget to blink
Blood may forget to flow
But I cant forget you to love
Because you are something special in my life!

☻Don't go for looks,
they can deceive
Don't go for wealth
even that fades away.

☻Go for sum1 who makes u
smile becoz only a smile makes
a dark day seem bright..

☻If someone would ask me
what a beautiful life means,
I would lean my head on your shoulder
and hold you close to me
and answer with a smile:
“Like this!”

☻As days go by, my feelings get stronger,
To be in ur arms, I can't wait any longer.
Look into my eyes & u'll see that it's true,
Day & Night my thought r of U..

☻Allow me to whisper.
No matter who I am Thinking,
my heart will always and
only stunned to you.
never forget me
you are the best!

☻All I wanted was sum1 2 care 4 me
All I wanted was sum1 who'd b there 4 me
All I ever wanted was sum1 who'd b true
All I ever wantedwas sum1 like U...

☻If I had the letters “HRT”,
I can add “EA” to get a “HEART”
or
a “U” and get “HURT”.
But I’d rather choose “U” and get “HURT”
than have a “HEART” without “U”.

☻Last nights I saw a lots of bright star
and I choose you from
the group of star
Bcoz you are so sweet.

☻Message:some text missing*


Sender:Name Missing*
*Number Missing
*Sent:Date missing
*Missing U a lot thats y
everything is missing....

☻You are sweeter than honey,
Purer than milk,
Softer than flower.
Since I have you, as my lover,
come to me near,
I’ll kiss your lips without fear.
Having you is treasure,
Be with me for ever!

☻Memories r treasured
no1 can steal.
Parting is heartache
no1 can heal.
Sum'll 4get u wen ur gone
but i'll remember u
no matter how long..

☻Let all my smile be yours
All your tears be mine,
Let all my happiness be yours
All your sadness be mine,
Let the whole world be yours,
Only you be mine

☻I m on a mission:
Misson 2 avoid u,
2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk 2u or meet u,
in short....
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!

☻world is mine
BUT
Universe is yours.
Star is mine
BUT
Galaxy is yours.
Mars is mine
BUT
Planets are yours.
You are mine
BUT
I am yours.

☻D smallest word is I,
the sweetest word is LOVE
and the dearest person
in the world is U.
tats y I Love You..:)

☻aRe YoUr LeGs TiReD?
CoZ yoU’Ve BeEin RuNNiNg
ThRoUgH My MiNd aLL DaY LoNg!

☻I look at the moon
the moon is beautiful
I look at you
i..i…
I rather look at the moon again

☻I may run out of SMS to text you,
I may run out of credit to call you,
I may run out of jokes to tickle you,
but my heart will never run out of
space to accomodate you.

☻Dear O Dear, ur not near
but i can hear
dont get fear
Ur memories r here
liv wid cheer
no mere tear
and ur mine forever!

☻Q:Wat is luv?
*
*
*
*
A:Luv is wen sum1 breaks ur heart
n d most amazing thing
is tat u still luv them
wid every broken piece...!


☻Let all my smile be yours
All your tears be mine,
Let all my happiness be yours
All your sadness be mine,
Let the whole world be yours,
Only you be mine

☻A word to say, a word to hear
Even in ur absence i feel u near
R relation is strong..hope it goes long
v wil remain d same til d life goes on!

☻Nobody teaches the fish to swim,
a birds to fly,
a cows to moo,
a dogs to bark.
They just do
&
nobody teach me to think of you
I just do

☻U may miss me
U may ignore me
U may even forget me
But one day if u wanna c me
Dont search, just c ur shadow
i wil be thr...Trust Me!!

☻It is the Mayuri which dances when it rains,
It is the Koyal which sings when Autumn comes,
It is my Heart which does both
when your thought comes to my mind.

☻I'll stand here 4ever,
If 4ever's what it takes,
because u r my 4ever,
and 4ever always waits.....

☻Whenever I look at my palm,
I wonder which of those tiny
cute cross lines made me so lucky
to meet a sweet person like you
Good Morning…

☻My past says u met me
My future says u wil care 4 me
My present says u wil understand me
But my heart says u wil
Always Remember ME!

☻I made a list of Special people
in My Life with a Pencil,
When your name comes,
I decided to use a permanent Marker.
Bcoz I want to keep you in My life forever.

☻Red or white
short or tall
wrapped in silver
not wrapped at all
under covers
inside a box
shapes & sizes
love comes in lots.

☻Nothing to say.
Nothing to write.
Nothing to send.
But I believe that,
you will listen,
read & receive
my feelings in the silence too.

☻Ur precious love has
turned my life completely around,
I feel lik Im wlaking but
my feet dont seem 2 touch d ground..!!

☻Don’t ever worry about what you are to me,
because you will never be anything less than my world.

☻Ur d angel who I cherish so dearly
in tis heart of mine,
d 1 who makes my day brighter,
by making my whole world shine..!

☻Relation is what I share with you.
Success is what I pray for you.
Happiness is what I wish for you.
But remember is what I need from you.
Your Sweet Heart.

☻Wenever I miss U,
I wont luk 4u in my dreams
or try 2 hear ur voice in ur msgs.
I'll jus put my right hand across mychest n feel U!

☻How can you spell “N_CE” without “I”?
“POL_TE” without “I”?
How can you “SM_LE” without “I”?
How can you “W_SH” without “I”?
see, “I”m very Important for you.

☻In life luv is neither planned nor does it happen 4 a reason
but when d luv is real
it becums ur plan 4 life
n reason 4 living..!

☻I always lose control
when you are by my side.
You have bcome the light of my life.
I always enjoy the time, I spend with you.
I think, I am falling in love with you!

☻Live 4 d person ho dies 4u,
Smile 4 d person ho cries 4u,
Fight 4 d person ho protects u,
n luv d person ho luvs u more than u..!

☻Each day I meet someone new.
But never find another you!
The world is full of people,
its true..
Yet no one ever equals to you.

☻U'll alwys b mine 4 now n 4ever.
U'll alwys b mine 4 ur my treasure.
U'll always b mine pls tel me its true.
Pls b mine 4everi'll always luv u...!

☻Forgive my eyes for admiring your beauty.
You stole my heart the moment you looked at me,
call me crazy call me insane
every time my heart beats it mentions your name.

☻Wen a TOUCH could HEAL a wound
Wen EYES'S cud SPEAK volumes
Wen a SMILE can confirm I M THERE
then why do v need owrds 2 say'I LOVE YOU.'

☻Its a nice feeling,wen sum1 u luv luvs u in retrn. So when u knw d 1 u luv has special feeling 4 u, never let them go coz its rare 2 find 2 hearts dat beat as 1.

☻How can I spell s_cces without u
C_te without u
Or H_mble without u,
Even Tr_st without u,
See I can’t even La_gh without u,
I don’t know what to do without u.

☻I was asked about Newton's law and I said I don't know. I was questioned on the current President of USA and I wasn't sure if it is Clinton or Bush. But when I was asked on who I love, the only answer I can think of, is you.

☻Smokers have smoking heart
Drinkers have an alcoholic heart
I request you don’t eat sugar
Because you already have a sweet heart

☻You are the twinkle of my eyes;
The smile on my lips;
The joy of my face;
Without you I am incomplete.

☻If I would know that I’m gonna die tomorrow,
I’ll spend 23 hours with you and
if you wonder what about the last hour.
In that I’ll find someone
who can take care of you
Love you always.

☻Relationship doesn't get closer by meetings, but it is sweetend by THOUGHTS. I care for you in my own STRANGE ways. Maybe you will never know, Maybe I will never show..

☻Something expected is called an incident.
Something unexpected is an accident.
You are an accident in my life,
Which is the ever best incident in my life.

☻I ask God for a rose n he gave me flowers;
I ask God for water n he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel n he gave me the best luv ever!

☻3 - 2 = one heart praying 4 you
1 + 1= two eyes looking for you
3+2= five sensesmissing you.
4+3= seven days in a week i desire you.
7+5= 12months asking god to bless you

☻Let the world stop turning,
Let the sun stop burning,
Let them tell me love's not worth going through.
If it all falls apart,
I will know deep in my heart,
The only dream that mattered had come true
...In this life I was loved by you.


☻If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.


☻If I could give you only 1 thing in my life,
I would give you the ability
to see yourself through my eyes.
Only then would you realise
how special you are to me.

☻Let`s share the world.
A sea is for you, and waves are for me.
The sky is for you, and stars are for me.
The sun is for you, and light is for me.
Everything is for you, and you are for me...

☻Sending you my bed to let you rest, pillows to give you comfort and my blanket to keep you warm. I can't sleep now coz' I've lent you all my things already. Gd nite! I love you.

☻I may be gone for a minute,
for hours, for a day.
I may not be able to say
good morning or good night
but
I’ll never try to say goodbye
to a person who has been sweet and true.

☻I miss the laughs I used to get from you, I miss the talks we used to have. And above all, I just miss YOU!

☻I wish to be a magic man
so I can write your name in the sky,
waters and on the moon.
So that any one who will look up to the sky,
drink the water and watch the moon
in the nite will see the kind of love I’ve for you.

☻You know I wish I can be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you.

☻Can you see me? no?
Turn around, can you see me now? no?
Turn again, can you see me now?
I can see you
because
you have a special place in my heart!

☻You’ve caught my attention,
stolen my affection
and
attracted my emotion,
so anything I do for you,
don’t mention,
but always met me at the junction,
so, our feelings can function.

☻If i were a tear in ur eye i would roll down to ur lips.But if u were a tear in my eye i would never cry as i would be afraid 2 lose u!

☻Walk with me when your hearts needs company,
Take my hand when you feel all alone,
Turn to me when you need someone to lean on,
Coz I’m the one you can always trust on!

☻You kissed my lips and
I felt a flutter in my heart.
You touched my hand and
lit a spark in my body.
You stared into my eyes and
saw straight into my soul.
You put your arms around me
and I was finally complete.

☻My love for you is like water,
Falling countless
The beating of my heart,
For you is so heavy and soundless,
The feeling of being in your arm is so
Precious and endless.

☻A special smile, a special face.A special someone i cant replace. I luv u,i always will.U have filled a space no one can fill!

☻When i wake in the morning,
I don’t have to wonder who,
Because my first thoughts are of you.
In the stillness of the dawn,
In the fury of the storm,
I dream of you my queen,
Of things unseen,
Just you and me togrther,
I’ll love you,
Always and forever.

☻I looked at a sweet, beautiful rose,
And then I looked at you,
And I kept looking at you,
Coz the rose isn’t as beautiful as you.

☻I have liked many but loved very few.Yet no-one has been as sweet as u. I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.
just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

☻Love is born with
the pleasure of looking at each other,
Its fed with
the necessity of seeing each other,
its is concluded with
impossibility of seperation.

☻A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I——————————————————————-U,V,W,X,Y,Z.
What are you looking for?
I killed all those,
who were between I and U.

☻It hurts when you talk to someone else and not to me
It hurts more when someone else makes you smile and I can’t.

☻Why do we close our eyes wen we sleep - wen we dream, wen we kiss? This is becoz the most precious thing in the world is unseen.
When i close my eyes i see you

☻Wanting u is easy missing u is hard. Wishing u was with me wrapped up in my arms. Constantly think of u when we r apart. Ive got the padlock u have the key to my heart.

☻When you love someone truly, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults and overlook the excuses.

☻To,
The Love
Owner of my
heArt & my
life.
DeAr
I beg to sAy thAt i miss you & love you so much and, i cAn’t live without you. So kindly give me some plAce in your heArt. I shAll be very thAnkful to you.
Urs Obediently,
,
Name=YØURS LÖVE

☻I searched through books & leafed through cards; For words that wud convey, what I had in my heart, but when I sat down to write, all I can write was....I Luv U

☻If you find your world as a sky
and your friends as stars,
and if you don’t find me among them,
don’t worry! I’ve just been fallen
to make your wish come true.

☻Life is a book we all read it. Luv is a blessing we all need it. Always be happy, always have a smile coz. Remember in this world we are just for a while!

☻A sweet way to propose sumone.
~Excuse me~
Do you have a suniplast?
Actually i need it b’coz
I hurt my knees when i fell in love with you.

☻If Sky Is My Paper And
The Stars Are My Words And
If Ocean Is My Ink
Still It Is Not Enough For Me To Write
How Much “I Like U”

☻We cannot be together,
But we'll never be apart,
For no matter what life brings us,
You’re always in my heart.

☻I may never have the opportunity
to do great things for you.
But I’ll always find a chance to do,
smal things for you
in a GREAT way BY PRAYING.

☻I don't care how many lips u’ve kissed, how many shoulders u’ve embraced & how many times u’ve said, I Luv U! All I care is not be the first but to be ur last!

☻Without Your SMS My Week Days are Like:
“Moodoutday”
“Tearday”
“Wasteday”
“Thirstday”
“Fightday”
“Sufferday”
&
“Sadday”
So
Kindly sms Me Evryday.

☻Feelings are many but words are few, clouds are dark but sky is blue; Luv is a paper, life is glue, every thing is false, only My Luv is TRUE.

☻I never ask for a smile, I just give it.
I never expect love from others, I just love them.
I never say that I can’t live without you,
I say I live just for you.

☻If you r in a dark room, you find blood everywhere and the walls are shaking- don't worry friend, u r at the safest place, you r in my heart.

☻Good relations doesn’t need any promises,
any terms or conditions.
It just need 2 wonderful people.
Cute like me and sweet like you.

☻Relationship doesn’t get closer by meetings,
But it is sweetend by thoughts.
I care for you in own strange ways.
May be you will never know,
May be I’ll never show.

☻To live this Life, I need heartbeat
To have a heartbeat, I need a Heart
To have a Heart, I need Happiness
To have a Happiness, I need you..!!

☻U want & u get, that's luck, U want & u wait, that's time. U want but u compromise, that's life. And U want & u wait & u don't compromise that's LOVE.

☻There are Tulips in my garden,
there are Tulips in the park,
but nothing is more be beautiful
than our two lips meeting in the dark!

☻Little keys can open big locks, simple words can express great thoughts. A text from u never fails to make me smile the whole day through.

☻Whenever Likable
People Cross My Mind
I Always Hve Such
Pleasant Thoughts Of You
You Always Bring Such
Happiness & Joy
Those Who Lift Me Up
Are Very Few …


☻My hands never pain
when typing message for you..!
But my heart always in pain,
when there is no reply from you…!

Jokes on adults

Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar...... Lagataar....!

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin and say that i will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says NOW OPEN YOUR . . . . . . Books And Study...

Youve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!

GUY: If I could see you naked, Id die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, Id probably die laughing.

Girl, how long have you been in the oven, cause I know I felt something rising...

phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!..

A little girl to her mother: 'Mom! i have come to know the boy next door have a pennes like a peanut' Mom: ' Do you mean its little' girl: ' No Mom! Its salty.'

During sexual session the girl says:'u r like a mobile phone!' Boy: 'Do I vibrate a lot?' Girl:'No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network...

Q: why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: because they're plugged into a genius! :-)

Dear subscriber, recharge with 5500 and get a 16yr girl, 3300 get 28yr woman, 1100 get 45yr lady, 220 get 1 coconut oil pack 4 selfservice. LIMITED PERIOD offer.

The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX. Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive..

Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good!!

Boy (to girl): Whats there in between your legs? Girl: Hell! And whats there in between your legs? Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell...

Q: What's difference between men's and women's cricket? A: In men's cricket there is a short leg between two legs and in women's there is a deep gully between two legs.

Teacher: do you know the importance of period? Kid: yes! my sister missed one last month, my father got heart attack, my mother became mad and our driver ran away...

Sardar wid Grandson.Late nite Shouts,'I need a Girl, I hv an Erection!' Gson says,'1st its 2 Late, 2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is mine'

Teacher: do you know the importance of period? Kid: yes! my sister missed one last month, my father got heart attack, my mother became mad and our driver ran away...

What is live ? Live is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you...

If u think sex is a pain in the arse u are doing it wrong!

How does VAGINA look like before SEX? Like a Pink Rose with soft Petals and Perfumed Aroma. And after SEX? Ever seen a SARDAR'S mouth after having LASSI.....!

A prostitute goes to a school for a job Principal: Can u teach zoology/biology/geology or physiology? Prostitute: No. Only DALOGY and NIKALOGY

FRIENDSHIP like hair on PENIS, every time u shave, it grows again and again and become harder and harder, thanks being my LAWDE KE BAAL...

Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight? Wife: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

The Taxman made a case against a Jewish prostitute who claimed expenses and stated on her tax return her occupation to be a POULTRY farmer.

A judge charged Rs.1102 fine to an accused for RAPE. Accused asked why Rs.1102? Judge replied: Rs.1000 for Rape and 10.2% entertainment tax!

ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs and shepherds pie...

He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swalowd, when he was satisfyed, he left, i was hurt, . . . BLOODY

Man quits smoking because of will power. He quits drinking because of will power. But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power..

Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor..

All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGARA has Front effect.

Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between

Q: why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: because theyre plugged into a genius! :-)

Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to..

old man: doctor! after my heart transplant every time i think about more money and more sex, am i growing young? Doctor: no the heart was of a prostitute...

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

Was you father a cement mixer? Because you sure make me hard...

Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty. GOD Said No way, Now As It Is,The Penis is so ugly and U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty Youll Eat It up!!

Stay Humble Be Faithful Offer Hope Work Diligently Fight Fairly Live Simply kiss Deeply Sex Regularly Ahh! thats what i call ART OF LIVING.

Boyfrnd asks girlfrnd: How much Calcium is there in womens BREAST. Girlfrnd :Womens BREAST has enough calcium 2 help a Mans boneless thing stand up.

If u think sex is a pain in the arse u are doing it wrong!

After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!!

A man had I LOVE YOU tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth, she said.

Boys should tell their trousers that its rude to point...

Elephant to Camel 'Why do u hav boobs on your back?' The camel replied 'thats a fucking good question from someone with a penis on his face!'

The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!.

Why Newton was shocked when he saw a beautiful girl naked? He found his dick going up, which was against his Law of Gravity

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

Girl always like to be cared and wants love and attention. If you love her to be naked and nude, she will put off her cloth. If you like her to be modest, she will become modest. If you love and care her, she would equally love and care you

condition+neva play wivout permission.Practice often its lotsa fun+try2get a hole in 1...

Did u know meaning of WOMEN? 'W'ant 'O'ne 'M'an for 'E'very 'N'ight

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and say Ferari,Porsche... Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her and say Full Tank pls.

Life is like a P--nIS. Sometimes up somtms down, smtms hard smtms soft, smtms small smtms big, smtmms in smtms out. So enjoy daPE-iS....OOOps, I mean life.

Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.

Husband tells wife:u have a big bum like a tandoor.At night he asks his wife 2 have sex.Wife said:forget it.why light a big tandoor for one small kabab

A newly married gal got 1st class in her B.Ed xms. Her xcited husbnd sent telgrm 2 her parents - my wife FIRST CLASS IN BED

Girl says: Mom, our neighbor's son have penis like peanut. Mom: Is it too small? Girl: No, its salty!!

Sorry! Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega...!

A lady asks a sardarji what time is it? sardarji saysbra- panties.The lady hits sardar and saysI asked timesardar saysbaarah payntis(12:35)...

DIWALI DHAMAKA Send Your Girlfriend To Me and Get A Child Free. ......Hurry...... 1st 10 Entries Will Get Twins.....

Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!

I want to suck you

When everything goes wrong, push! When you wish for something, push! When people don't understand, push. When you wish for love, P-ush U- ntil S-omething H-appens!...

MEN'S 'F' rules: Find her, Follow her, Friend her, Flirt her, French her, Finger her Fuck her Forget her FIND another

In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It

Im new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?

D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife: ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener and watchman..

What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off..

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman? A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a woman you fix your legs and move your ass....

Degrees of girls: BA:Beautiful Ass LLB:Lovely Lickable Breasts BSc:Beautiful Sexy Cunt. MBBS:Member of Big Boobs Soiety. MBA:Married But Available.....

A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial. 'Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar,

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

A General asks a young lady officer, how she felt in Services? Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir and the whole night in No Sir, No Sir!

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a best seller? Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl

There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass.

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too, then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin and say that i will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says NOW OPEN YOUR . . . . . . Books And Study...

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.

Mukesh sais to Anil Ambani:I wnt to kiss ur wife. Anil replied: Ok but 40paisa per min anil wife shouted dont cheat him. Reliance to reliance free.

Girl, how long have you been in the oven, cause I know I felt something rising...

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

Jack and Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his bign airy, Jill said WOW WOT A WHOPPER lets go home and DO IT PROPER

Sex is not the answer...Sex is the question 'Yes' is the answer.

if u wanna little brother ...... if u wanna little brother then kick ur dad and fuck ur mother.........

Girl friend and boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girls skirt. Guess where it would have bitten? Answer : The boys hand

Dear subscriber, recharge with 5500 and get a 16yr girl, 3300 get 28yr woman, 1100 get 45yr lady, 220 get 1 coconut oil pack 4 selfservice. LIMITED PERIOD offer.

MENS F rules: Find her, Follow her, Friend her, Flirt her, French her, Finger her Fuck her Forget her FIND another

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

Boy:why grls like more holi than boys? Another boy: bcos they have two balloons of 5ml and bolys have only one pichkari of 2ml.

Teacher: which part of human body entr 1st in heaven Studnt: Legs Sir! Teacher: Y?? Student: bcoz every night my mom was crying with her legs up (Oh GoD I M Comming)

Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!

Girl says: Mom, our neighbors son have penis like peanut. Mom: Is it too small? Girl: No, its salty!!

there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together..

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone. but when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own!

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you..

Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

Mother to Teenage Daughter : I think its time that we should talk about SEX. Daughter Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?.

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnant!

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector. Friend: How was ur first night? Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet

My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it...

Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Callgirls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.

A young man asked a priest......... Father!Is it a sin to sleep with a girl?.... Priest!N my child....But problem is that u guys never SLEEP....

Mother to her teenage daughter:' I think its right time we should talk about sex'. The daughter replied, 'sure MOM, what do you want to know'?

Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!

Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your

There was a young girl called heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together...

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.

Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up..

i want to fuck u from day to late night so that u get pragnant.and i will kill ur child so that i got lot of money from insurance policy of ur child

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and you'll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.

Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was afternoon meal and left leg evening meal what would you prefer? Boyfriend: Eating between meals...

A prostitutes nursery rhyme: One two lets screw, Three four Im a whore, Five six suck the dick, Seven eight ejaculate, Nine ten fuck me again

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

Difference b/w panties of 1970 and 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties

I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?

Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs and Multiply!

God made flower, god made cheese, God made you for me to squeeze, god made fanta, god made pepsi, when god made you, damn he made you sexy...

A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area and asked for her profession. < Prostitute: Im a social engineer. Policeman: What do u do? Prostitute: I build and destroy erections A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain't a kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tounge Some exercise There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum whats a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till its sick. Roses are red. voilets are corny. when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! Sex - Burn Calories Chart Lying down: 90cal Standing up: 492cal Doggie style: 326cal 2nd round: 824 cal Dressing up after sex while spouse knocks at d door: 5000 cal What's De Best Sexual Position To Have An Ugly Child.........???? . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ask Ur Parents.... He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swalowd, when he was satisfyed, he left, i was hurt, . . . BLOODY That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? Sardarni was having pain during delivery ... Sardar ji prayed: Oh lord plz make the hole loose for the baby and then tight again for the DADDY...!! If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me. Lady : 'I want a good vibrator' Salesman: 'Ma'am ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall' Lady : 'O.K. I'll take that red one' Salesman: 'Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher' Q. What does Bra means? A. Boobs Resting in Air. Beauty is 2 c and 2 touch, Flowers r 2 smell and 2 pluck, Nipples r 2 play and 2 suck, Women r 2 Luv and 2 Fuck, All these r free but depends on Lu Woman complaining to dentist: Id rather get pregnant than have a tooth filling! Dentist: ok, decide from now so i can adjust the chair accordingly Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number! Q: Why women wear bra and panty with flowers printed on them? A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places.. GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Definition of Luv in 2004: LUV remains till end of LIFE, only PARTNER changes, every season: Summer -1, Autumn - 1, Winter - 1, Spring - 1, n lately Monsoon -1. Wish even i wud ve enjoyed all these seasons ,-) A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone. I want to suck you I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole! BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again! Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!... Dear lady subscribers: due to a fault in magnetic field and signals of our service your handsets will vibrate for one hour So keep it in your pussy and enjoy! *Customer Care* I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy. You got the style. You got the intelligence and you sure got the body!.. Youre so hot, your ass is on fire. Come here, take off your pents and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving yours What a bad day 4 elisa! her mom and dad went out 2 a church so she decided 2 invite her boyfriend Dipopo 2 come with his friend Khali bcoz she's left alone @ home.The 2 arrived in time, her parents came I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can World Health Orgnization says: All medicines have SIDE effects. Only Viagra has the FRONT effect!.... Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone. but when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own! Man quits smoking because of will power. He quits drinking because of will power. But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.. Let me kiss ur lips, let me feel ur teeth, let me feel ur tongue. SMILE! This is ur friend Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you're smiling now!! I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears... Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E and F are used for bra sizes? A: Almost boobs B: Barely there C: Can do D: Damn good E: Enormous and F for Fake. Yesterday's news: An aunty was raped while jogging. Today's news: More aunties found jogging. What A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector. Friend: How was ur first night? Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet Richman to poorman- 'How-come ur penis so big? Poorman-replied: 'B'coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play'!!! Qus: Who is senior, PENIS or VAGINA. A:VAGINA bcos PENIS always stands up when he sees a VAGINA.. So respect the seniors! who is stronger man or woman? Anser? A woman coz she lifts two mountain on her chest while man lifts his crane with the help of 2 stones. Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth... I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!... What similar things wuld u want in ur coffee and girl friend? Shuld b hot,Shuld b rich,Shuld b creamy,Shuld b able to keep u awake all night! SEASON DHAMAKA OFFER Send your girlfriend to me and win a baby HURRY UP First ten will get twins... Lastnite i went 2 bed without u.. cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too, then you my friend will be THE MAN!! Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and kept looking at it. Madam asked dont you have sex in the village, Maid 'Yes we do but not till the skin drops off. A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl and asked' Do U have this? ' The girl lifted up her skirt and said,' My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!' Bedroom golf can make u grin,u need a stick 2 help u win.Keep ur clubs in good how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! A woman married a one legged man. She wrote to her mother: My husband only has ONE FOOT. Her Mother replied: You are lucky, your papa has ONLY 5 INCHES Do you want to go and do what I'm going to tell my mates we did anyway?.. Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?.. 5 advantages of breast milk: 1.no need to boil. 2.cat can't steel it 3.available in attractive containers 4.popular in all age groups 5.take one get one free... How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer.. Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her and say 'Full Tank pls.' On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder! A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby A man said 2 his doctor everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection the doctor said Thats because u look like a cunt! MeN ALWAYS say I LOVE YOU to GiRLS but!!whats the true meaning of this? I am Looking Out 4 Vaginal Entry You must take Off ur Underwear! Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot... What Foolish Concepts Society Has ? If A Watch Goes Bad, They Say BAND HAI. And If A Girl Goes Bad, They Say CHALU HAI !!. Why do women wear panty? . . . . Bcause State law says all the man-holes must be covered when not in use,,,, The first time we kissed, I closed my eyes, He closed his eyes, and then.... Youre about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net. A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital tp deliver... The wife however gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG.... U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY There are two things rain helps improve: agricultural production and Philippine population. Children playin outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident! Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What's this? Nothing honey, just a temporary filling. Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross ur mind? Husband : That u r a lesbian. Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control! Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please please....I really need the money! Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.u'll get laid. Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration. Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches? Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs and shepherds pie... Life is like a P--nIS. Sometimes up somtms down, smtms hard smtms soft, smtms small smtms big, smtmms in smtms out. So enjoy daPE-iS....OOOps, I mean life. You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast... im no fred flintstone but ill make ur bedrock.. HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares and 1 smelly fish! There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: 'No-Sex'! Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME! What Foolish Concepts Society Has ? If A Watch Goes Bad, They Say BAND HAI. And If A Girl Goes Bad, They Say CHALU HAI !!. Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Callgirls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Personallity of A Female is Followed By Size of Her BRAS 32: Innocent 34: Beautiful 36: Agressive 38 Sexy 40: Hungry 42: Playful 46: Not Reliable 50: Filmstar Saima. Girl curiously touched long penis of horse who jumped and ran away. Owner of horse came and said: Now u touch my penis also, Ive to catch him... There was an old man from gosham, who got out his bollocks to wash'em, His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back, i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new) I like your... I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse... Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them. Did u know meaning of WOMEN? Want One Man for Every Night Of all the babes u r my selection please dont give me a rejection. my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection! 2 men went to fuck a girl. 1st came out after fucking a girl n said... ''My wife is better'' 2nd went in ,fuck a girl... Came out n said... ''U were right, your wife is better.. Peaches r sweet and so r plums, I have a degree in playing wiv tongues, U be my teacher in how tongues flex, and we become masters in hot oral sex. Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross ur mind? Husband : That u r a lesbian. 3 wonders of a woman The 3 wonders of a woman 1)Gives milk without eating grass 2)gets wet without water 3)Bleeds for a week without going 2 die. Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!... Congratulations! Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room And the grand prize is a night with me!.. Q: Define Bra? A: A modern device used for the upliftment of the down fallen ones. Shakspearean words : Under shoulder boulder holder... DIWALI DHAMAKA Send Your Girlfriend To Me and Get A Child Free. ......Hurry...... 1st 10 Entries Will Get Twins..... Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women wont shut up long enough to build up pressure May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother! It 3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the performance. Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in vibration mode. Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily. Girl: Just recharge the battery. COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party. BALLS said: You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE! what's common between the SUN and WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR? 1) both are hott 2) both look better while going down 3) both disappear by night............ If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?... A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area and asked for her profession. < Prostitute: I'm a social engineer. Policeman: What do u do? Prostitute: I build and destroy erections A girl phoned me the other day and said While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board. It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room. Sardar writes under - Let the men Permit to Enter COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party. BALLS said: You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE! Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game! Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ??? Because the people started licking the wrong side... D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! Bedroom golf can make u grin,u need a stick 2 help u win.Keep ur clubs in good Sex - Burn Calories Chart Lying down: 90cal Standing up: 492cal Doggie style: 326cal 2nd round: 824 cal Dressing up after sex while spouse knocks at d door: 5000 cal A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power. Girl To Mom: Written on the T-Shirt of a girl: SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside. A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick and exhausted then b 4. Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised? Lady: WHAT? I thought u said 3 MALES a day!!!! Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. Teacher comes to class with a rose in her blouse and asks: What does Roses drink? Boy: Milk Teacher: No, roses drink water. Boy: Oh, I didnt know the stem is that long. old man: doctor! after my heart transplant every time i think about more money and more sex, am i growing young? Doctor: no the heart was of a prostitute... Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you.... Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It Im fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.... There are Tulips in my garden,there are Tulips in the park.but nothing is more be beautiful then our two lips meeting in the dark!.. NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones. A prostitute left her profesion nd start teaching. she goes 2 a skool.princpal asks wot u can teach biology,zology or psychlogy. She repliz no Dalogy n Nikalogy Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply! HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect and love. HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job Lady to doctor a vibrator stuck in my pussy Doctor lay down, I will take it out Lady No!, pls. change its battery. Sardar wid Grandson.Late nite Shouts,I need a Girl, I hv an Erection! Gson says,1st its 2 Late, 2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is mine What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off.. This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now starting...beep 6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found! Husband tells wife:u have a big bum like a tandoor.At night he asks his wife 2 have sex.Wife said:forget it.why light a big tandoor for one small kabab Lady to doctor 'a vibrator stuck in my pussy' Doctor 'lay down, I will take it out' Lady 'No!, pls. change its battery'. i want to fuck u from day to late night so that u get pragnant.and i will kill ur child so that i got lot of money from insurance policy of ur child A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes. What similar things wuld u want in ur coffee and girl friend? Shuld b hot,Shuld b rich,Shuld b creamy,Shuld b able to keep u awake all night! If Tennis Players get Tennis Elbow...Do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?... A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce. She answered, Your Honor, he knew Im a vegetarian n yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth. Womens life is very hard. Morning wash clothes Noon dry clothes Evening iron clothes Night remove clothes Late midnight search clothes... A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital tp deliver... The wife however gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG.... Lastnite i went 2 bed without u.. cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what? Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Callgirls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls. A little girl to her mother: Mom! i have come to know the boy next door have a pennes like a peanut Mom: Do you mean its little girl: No Mom! Its salty. What a bad day 4 elisa! her mom and dad went out 2 a church so she decided 2 invite her boyfriend Dipopo 2 come with his friend Khali bcoz shes left alone @ home.The 2 arrived in time, her parents came If Tennis Players get Tennis Elbow...Do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?... May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother! Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!.. Sardarni was having pain during delivery ... Sardar ji prayed: 'Oh lord plz make the hole loose for the baby and then tight again for the DADDY...!! Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: que:- wat is confidence? ans :-once ten boys deside to purpose a girl, 9 boy came with rose and 1 with CONDOM..! Thats the confidence... Never Play wid Girl's Heart........She has Only 1 Its OKay to Play wid her Boobs....she has 2 POM POM....... What is the similarity between a college girl and a pregnant woman...............? . . . . . . . . . . Both bunks period....... Condom says 2 Whisper:Every month u stop my business 4 one week. Whisper says:If u make a mistake, I loose my business for 9 months..! What is Short but gets longer wen u hold it? It passes b/w Breasts, n enters in2 a hole? What is it? A car seat belt. But I LIKE the WAY u THINK!! Lady: doctor, I feel very weak. Dr: how many times do u have sex? Lady: 5 times, mon-fri. Dr: cut down wed. Lady: but thats the only day I m with my husband! As a person u r: => ADORABLE => SWEET => SIMPLE => HONEST => OBEDIENT => LOVEABLE => EXCELLENT ****** In short U R an asshole!

Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!...

Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?...

Policeman: 'Lady, I am arresting you for prostitution.' Woman:'But Sir, I am not selling sex, I am selling condoms for $90- each, with a free demonstration...

The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX. Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive..

Degrees of girls: BA:Beautiful Ass LLB:Lovely Lickable Breasts BSc:Beautiful Sexy Cunt. MBBS:Member of Big Boobs Soiety. MBA:Married But Available.....

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Roses are Red Sky is Blue My Bitch is Pregnant Thanks to You....

Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and kept looking at it. Madam asked dont you have sex in the village, Maid Yes we do but not till the skin drops off.

Whats the simularity of math and sex? add the beds, minus the clothes, devide the leggs and multiply....

A prostitute goes to a Bank to deposit a 1000 rupee note. The teller says,Sorry Madam, the note is a fake. Oh my God! exclaimed the prosstitute, I have been raped.

Do I know you from somewhere, because I dont recognize you with your clothes on?...

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares and 1 smelly fish!

Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you....

Sex n drugs n rock n rave thatz get smashed n misbehave, on speed n weed n little es lets get fucked n talk 2 trees...

This is a cock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !!

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!..

A woman gave birth to 6 babies, on seeing this she got off the hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, I told u not to do in doggy style...

Secret of long life... Morning 2 eggs Evening 2 pegs and Night 2 legs..

Teacher: why are you late? Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull. Teacher(Angrily): Cant your dad to it? Student: No, only BULL can do it.

Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!'

5 advantages of breast milk: 1.no need to boil. 2.cat cant steel it 3.available in attractive containers 4.popular in all age groups 5.take one get one free...

Doc:Do u watch ur husband's face while makng love? Lady:I did once and saw anger. Doc:Y? Lady:Bcoz he was watching from the window!!!

Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and kept looking at it. Madam asked dont you have sex in the village, Maid Yes we do but not till the skin drops off.

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

Why Newton was shocked when he saw a beautiful girl naked? He found his dick going up, which was against his 'Law of Gravity'

Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!..

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:'father, your daughter has been successful in BED.'

who is stronger man or woman? Anser? A woman coz she lifts two mountain on her chest while man lifts his crane with the help of 2 stones.

Come here, take off your pents and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving yours

Dear lady subscribers: due to a fault in magnetic field and signals of our service your handsets will vibrate for one hour So keep it in your pussy and enjoy! *Customer Care*

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:

Mother to Teenage Daughter : 'I think its time that we should talk about SEX.' Daughter 'Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?'.

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

Doc:Do u watch ur husbands face while makng love? Lady:I did once and saw anger. Doc:Y? Lady:Bcoz he was watching from the window!!!

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

What is the dumbest part on a mans body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!

Prostitute: doc, my hole is too big. Doctor looks into the hole and says GOD...GOD... GOD... Prostitute: Why are you repeating the word God? Doctor: It was an ECHO!

A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

A couple went 4 honey moon 4 a week. After returning husband asked: How was da whole week? Wife said: The whole week made my hole weak...

Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? Sardar: No this is her husband speaking...

Q: Whats difference between mens and womens cricket? A: In mens cricket there is a short leg between two legs and in womens there is a deep gully between two legs.

At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS..

Girl friend and boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten? Answer : The boy's hand

Zippy and Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy and stuck it up Bungles bum!

Judge : Why did U hit Ur Husband ? Lady : He Called Me From Office,Took Me To Bedroom,Removed My Clothes,Laid Me On D BedandSaid April fool......

When are men the smartest? Before, during or after sex? During sex cause theyre plugged into a genius!

A prostitute's nursery rhyme: One two lets screw, Three four I'm a whore, Five six suck the dick, Seven eight ejaculate, Nine ten fuck me again

make ur luv to galfrnd on valentine day she will tell u a gud news on mothers day then u will hav a child on childrens day dont try this on everyone u will hav a bad news on 1 dec(aids day)

4 road signs which stands in front of a womans vagina.... 1)Caution-dark tunnel. 2)Drive carefully-road wet n slippery. 3)Go slow. 4) Men at work...

Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself and save a quarter

Woman: Dr. An ant entered my vagina, please take it out. Doctor removes her panties and start making love . Woman: What are you doing? Doctor: This is the only way to drown the bastard!

Thats a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside, his finger went inside her panty. Wife ask You want sex? No, just to wet my finger to turn the page!

We can see more Grafittis in girls toilet , WHY ? Because their both hands are free.

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed and lights is off and we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark...

there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together..

Penis and Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was afternoon meal and left leg evening meal what would you prefer? Boyfriend: Eating between meals...

If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

Youre like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast...

A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce. She answered, 'Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian n yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth.'

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:

Why r women considered stronger than men? Ans: B'coz they carry 2 mountains on their chest whereas men carry just 2 stones with the help of crane...

A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah its painful. Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don

Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 7 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling..

I want triplets You want twins. Lets get in bed and see who wins!

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you..

Do you know why girls dont keep thier mobiles in shirt pocket? Bcoz cant get signals near hills and mountains...

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Why dont blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!..

Stay Humble Be Faithful Offer Hope Work Diligently Fight Fairly Live Simply kiss Deeply Sex Regularly Ahh! thats what i call ART OF LIVING.

Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. Lady sitting next asked: R they ur babies? MAN: No i work in a condom factory and these are CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS..

The Taxman made a case against a Jewish prostitute who claimed expenses and stated on her tax return her occupation to be a POULTRY farmer.

Love is the victim's response to the rapist.

There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday and Tevery other day!

hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

Santa: Have you ever Fucked your girlfriend in the other hole? Banta: Are you mad? She'll get pregnant

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

Girl To Mom:

Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar...... Lagataar....!

Love is the victims response to the rapist.

HumptyDumpty fuked a fat whore,HumptyDumpty fuked her some more,all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fuked her again!

We can see more Grafittis in girls toilet , WHY ? Because their both hands are free.

Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for money. If you think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!

Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!

What did the blonde s left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Secret of long life... Morning 2 eggs Evening 2 pegs and Night 2 legs..

Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A: A woman bcoz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.

null

Full form of Condom. C - Confidential O - Ornament N - Needed for D - Domestic O - Occasions after M - Marriage

Sorry! Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside, his finger went inside her panty. Wife ask 'You want sex?' 'No, just to wet my finger to turn the page!

Wife mean w-who i-is f- for e- enjoyment and husband mean h-how u- u s- serve b- batter a- and n- nice d- darling...

Lovers sitting in a park,boy tries to kiss the girl. girl:No dear not all this before marriage. Boy: Dont worry darling i'm already married.

Wats the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means ITS SHOWTIME!

A young man asked a priest......... Father!Is it a sin to sleep with a girl?.... Priest!N my child....But problem is that u guys never SLEEP....

What's the closest thing to a woman's period? Your salary. It comes once a month, lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesn't come, everything's fucked

MeN ALWAYS say 'I LOVE YOU' to GiRLS but!!whats the true meaning of this? 'I' am 'L'ooking 'O'ut 4 'V'aginal 'E'ntry 'Y'ou must take 'O'ff ur 'U'nderwear!

Woman has man in it, Mrs. has Mir in it, Female has male in it, She has He in it, Madam has Adam in it, No wonder men always want to be inside women

Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.

I love you in blue, I love you in red. But most of all, I love you in bed...

Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth...

I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have u been drinking?..

What

2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said

The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling

Husband touched boobs and sung: Piyo glass full doodh, wonderful doodh. Immediately wife touched his penis n said: Thanda matlab CHOTA COKE!

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

What's the simularity of math and sex? add the beds, minus the clothes, devide the leggs and multiply....

Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!

how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!

Full form of Condom. C - Confidential O - Ornament N - Needed for D - Domestic O - Occasions after M - Marriage

Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say?

Of all the babes u r my selection please dont give me a rejection. my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection!

WHAT IS THE SEX The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population

Written on the T-Shirt of a girl: SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.

Why do women wear panty? . . . . Bcause State law says all the man-holes must be covered when not in use,,,,

Do u know Who is the best goalkeeper in this world ? ANSWER: WOMEN, no matter how much and which way u fuck her, ur balls will never go in.

Whats De Best Sexual Position To Have An Ugly Child.........???? . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ask Ur Parents....

The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a best seller? Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl

if i said u had a hot body would u hold it against me...

Never Play wid Girls Heart........She has Only 1 Its OKay to Play wid her Boobs....she has 2 POM POM.......

A prostitute goes to a Bank to deposit a 1000 rupee note. The teller says,'Sorry Madam, the note is a fake. ''Oh my God! exclaimed the prosstitute, 'I have been raped.'

A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear...

Lovers sitting in a park,boy tries to kiss the girl. girl:No dear not all this before marriage. Boy: Dont worry darling im already married.

CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND...

A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: I'm a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What r u selling. Gal:I'm selling condoms and offering a FREE DEMO

Prostitute: doc, my hole is too big. Doctor looks into the hole and says GOD...GOD... GOD... Prostitute: Why are you repeating the word God? Doctor: It was an ECHO!

The most difficult golf course in the world is... 'Women Hole' any style you play... as many shots you try... and as much perfection you have... you can never get your balls in...!!!

whats common between the SUN and WOMENS UNDERWEAR? 1) both are hott 2) both look better while going down 3) both disappear by night............

After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. Im so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!!

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can

Whats the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnant!

Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll After mariage beautiful Doll After 1 year nice Doll After 2 Years only Doll and After 3 Years panaDoll

Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: Name? Park Yu. The 0fficer become angry and shouted back: FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name? Korean replied: PARK YU TOO!!

Peaches r sweet and so r plums, I have a degree in playing wiv tongues, U be my teacher in how tongues flex, and we become masters in hot oral sex.

Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!...

How about you sit on my lap and well talk about the first thing that pops up?

A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: I'm a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What r u selling. Gal:I'm selling condoms and offering a FREE DEMO

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

Husband:'Darling years ago u had a figure like a Coke bottle.' Wife:'Yes darling I still do but the only difference is earlier it was300ml and now it's 1.5 liter

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and riding a woman? A: To ride a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. To ride a woman you fix your legs and move your ass....

Girl:It

I looked up sexy in the dictionary today and your name was listed...

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration...

A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife and his finger went to tease his wifes pussy. Wife asks you want sex? No, just to wet my finger to turn the page!

Q. What does Bra means? A. Boobs Resting in Air.

What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.

Women's life is very hard. Morning wash clothes Noon dry clothes Evening iron clothes Night remove clothes Late midnight search clothes...

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good..

What is the STRONGEST muscle? TONGUE- It can raise a womans hip with just one lick!. The lightest muscle? PENIS! It can be raised by a womans tongue!

im no fred flintstone but i'll make ur bedrock..

Can we do romance in the midnight today? I

Santa: Have you ever Fucked your girlfriend in the other hole? Banta: Are you mad? Shell get pregnant

How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!

7 qualities to be a perfect woman: Beautiful, Responsible, Energetic, Adorable, Sweet, Truthful Self-Organised In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board. It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room. Sardar writes under - Let the men Permit to Enter

HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect and love. HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job

Husband to wife on bed: Move a little to left. Not this much, a little to the right. A little up, a little down. Wife: Are you fucking or parking your penis?

I really deeply wish dat u r here with me in my room. on my bed and lights is off and we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

This time im sure about wat i feel and im gonna say it.... i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with big tits...

World Health Orgnization says: All medicines have SIDE effects. Only Viagra has the FRONT effect!....

If u dont mind If u dont feel bad If dont hesitate Please...... give me a K ki kis kiss kiss...... kissan cooking oil bottle just RS.250 only...

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

What is hard and long and full of semen? >>> Submarine <<< Definition of Luv in 2004: LUV remains till end of LIFE, only PARTNER changes, every season: Summer -1, Autumn - 1, Winter - 1, Spring - 1, n lately Monsoon -1. Wish even i wud ve enjoyed all these seasons ,-) There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. Sardar on wedding nite uses all his power 2 push it in, fails, but says proudly : too tight . I m happy I am 1st Bride: nO u arent, Others removed da panty 1st... There was a young girl called heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together... Men were born from between the legs of a woman yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the same legs. WHY? Coz there's no place like home Judge : Why did U hit Ur Husband ? Lady : He Called Me From Office,Took Me To Bedroom,Removed My Clothes,Laid Me On D BedandSaid April fool...... Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!... What is the STRONGEST muscle? TONGUE- It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!. The lightest muscle? PENIS! It can be raised by a woman's tongue! When everything goes wrong, push! When you wish for something, push! When people dont understand, push. When you wish for love, P-ush U- ntil S-omething H-appens!... Id willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy. I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can GRIL: I think my tits are full of water. Doctor: How do u figure that? GRIL: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wet... When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number.... A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts, who opens her heart receives love, who opens her legs receives happiness . It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say? Boys should tell their trousers that it's rude to point... When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it to ' RETURNED UNOPENED.. Beauty is 2 c and 2 touch, Flowers r 2 smell and 2 pluck, Nipples r 2 play and 2 suck, Women r 2 Luv and 2 Fuck, All these r free but depends on Lu He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swalowd, when he was satisfyed, he left, i was hurt, BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!! Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!.. A judge charged Rs.1102 fine to an accused for RAPE. Accused asked why Rs.1102? Judge replied: Rs.1000 for Rape and 10.2% entertainment tax! He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo! What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? Girl always like to be cared and wants love and attention. If you love her to be naked and nude, she will put off her cloth. If you like her to be modest, she will become modest. If you love and care her, she would equally love and care you whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts! Man walked into ladies toilet. Lady who was inside shouted THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN. The man, unzipping his pants said, THIS TOO! Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: Whats this? Nothing honey, just a temporary filling. During sexual session the girl says:u r like a mobile phone! Boy: Do I vibrate a lot? Girl:No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network... Sex - Symbol of Love PENIS - Length of Love PUSSY - Depth of Love.. BOOBS - Shape of Love... BUTTS - Base of Love Husband touched boobs and sung: Piyo glass full doodh, wonderful doodh. Immediately wife touched his penis n said: Thanda matlab CHOTA COKE! Richman to poorman- How-come ur penis so big? Poorman-replied: Bcoz in my childhood i had no other toys to play!!! Teacher: why are you late? Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull. Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it? Student: No, only BULL can do it. A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl and asked Do U have this? The girl lifted up her skirt and said, My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT! What did the blonde s left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. A Toilet is like a committee meeting. People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately drop the matter. A teacher asked wot part of the body goes to heaven first? A child replied feet - coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD IM COMIN! Sardar on wedding nite uses all his power 2 push it in, fails, but says proudly :' too tight . I m happy I am 1st ' Bride: ' nO u aren't, Others removed da panty 1st... Q: Why women wear bra and panty with flowers printed on them? A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places.. Youre good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square? 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die A Guy goes up to a girl and says:Do you want to play magic?She asks:Whats Magic? He says:We go up to my room,We Fuck and the You DISAPPLEAR!! You got the style. You got the intelligence and you sure got the body!.. My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it... He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo! GRIL: I think my tits are full of water. Doctor: How do u figure that? GRIL: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wet... When an apple is green, its ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen shes ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number.... Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk and misbehav,on weed+speed +little es,well get drunk and talk 2 trees,u only live once and den u die,so fuck em all and lets get high!... There are Tulips in my garden,there are Tulips in the park.but nothing is more be beautiful then our two lips meeting in the dark!.. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. Im afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom... A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful. Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don Jack and Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said 'WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home and DO IT PROPER Let me kiss ur lips, let me feel ur teeth, let me feel ur tongue. SMILE! This is ur friend Sex - Symbol of Love PENIS - Length of Love PUSSY - Depth of Love.. BOOBS - Shape of Love... BUTTS - Base of Love What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in... Difference b/w panties of 1970 and 2000 :- In the 70s you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?... .Why does the pleasure of Sex diminish after marriage? A: Because the realisation hits u that u are in bed with a relative. After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis. He asks: Do you want more sex? She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it. Why was Phillips girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!.. A teacher asked 'wot part of the body goes to heaven first?' A child replied 'feet' - coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN! A prostitute left her profesion nd start teaching. she goes 2 a skool.princpal asks wot u can teach biology,zology or psychlogy. She repliz no Dalogy n Nikalogy Woman has man in it, Mrs. has Mir in it, Female has male in it, She has He in it, Madam has Adam in it, No wonder men always want to be inside women condition+neva play wivout permission.Practice often its lotsa fun+try2get a hole in 1... I've been thinking about u + me..if we were alone how it would be..I would kiss u all FRIENDSHIP like hair on PENIS, every time u shave, it grows again and again and become harder and harder, thanks being my LAWDE KE BAAL... When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine. After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis. He asks: Do you want more sex? She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it. I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriends hand, Cause everytime shed wipe her rear Id see the promised land.... little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed. Ive been thinking about u + me..if we were alone how it would be..I would kiss u all A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same? A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick and exhausted then b 4. Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised? Lady: WHAT? I thought u said 3 MALES a day!!!! a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA :) American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand What is Short but gets longer wen u hold it? It passes b/w Breasts, n enters in2 a hole? What is it? A car seat belt. But I LIKE the WAY u THINK!! What is hard and long and full of semen? >>> Submarine <<< Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?.. I love you in blue, I love you in red. But most of all, I love you in bed... How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer.. There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another.. How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!! Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight? Wife: Thats a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good!! A quote on a girls t-shirt .... theres a face above this...Dnt forget.. God made flower, god made cheese, God made you for me to squeeze, god made fanta, god made pepsi, when god made you, damn he made you sexy... What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. 'Honey, I am home!' He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine! I want to suck you... I want to lick you... I wanna move my tongue all over you... I want to feel you in my mouth... thats how u... eat an ice cream... If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?... Q: Give an example of Complete business failure due to negligence? Ans: a pregnant prostitute... A man had 'I LOVE YOU' tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. 'There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth', she said. Mukesh sais to Anil Ambani:'I wnt to kiss ur wife'. Anil replied: 'Ok but 40paisa per min' anil wife shouted 'don't cheat him. Reliance to reliance free. 7 months twin babies in womb saw a penis entering in. 1st baby said:-see daddy is coming inside' 2nd said'u fool it is uncle, daddy never comes with rain coat. A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby A quote on a girl's t-shirt .... 'there's a face above this...Dn't forget.. Elephant to Camel Why do u hav boobs on your back? The camel replied thats a fucking good question from someone with a penis on his face! A man wanted 2 get married, He had a choice of 3 women. 1st woz a rich dcotor, 2nd woz a poor cleaner and 3rd woz a prostitute. WHO DID HE PICK? The 1 wid big tits! When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And apon my headstone will be seen, here liies the bones of a fucking machine. Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane. A newly married gal got 1st class in her B.Ed xms. Her xcited husbnd sent telgrm 2 her parents - my wife FIRST CLASS IN BED'' What A prostitute goes to a school for a job Principal: Can u teach zoology/biology/geology or physiology? Prostitute: No. Only DALOGY and NIKALOGY I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!! By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary. As a person u r: => ADORABLE => SWEET => SIMPLE => HONEST => OBEDIENT => LOVEABLE => EXCELLENT ****** In short U R an asshole!

Do u know Who is the best goalkeeper in this world ? ANSWER: WOMEN, no matter how much and which way u fuck her, ur balls will never go in.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A: A woman bcoz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.

Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to..


A woman gave birth to 6 babies, on seeing this she got off the hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, 'I told u not to do in doggy style...

Hey, is your dad a terrorist? Cos baby, you're the bomb!

I want to suck you... I want to lick you... I wanna move my tongue all over you... I want to feel you in my mouth... that's how u... eat an ice cream...

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed and lights is off and we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark...

Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion

Roses are Red Sky is Blue My Bitch is Pregnant Thanks to You....

Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!..

I Wished I were A Ring Upon My girl Friend's Hand.......... Coz Every Time She'd Wipe Her Rear.... I'd See The Promised Land.......

I Wished I were A Ring Upon My girl Friends Hand.......... Coz Every Time Shed Wipe Her Rear.... Id See The Promised Land.......

Do u know the full form of ABCDEFG? ItsA Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl now reverse the order :GFEDCBA Girls Forget Everything Done and Catches (new)Boy Again!!!

girls said to boy :i m radiomy left boob is volume and right boob is touner,byos trund both boobs and said no sound girl said stopid u have not plouged...

7 qualities to be a perfect woman: Beautiful, Responsible, Energetic, Adorable, Sweet, Truthful Self-Organised In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND...

Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E and F are used for bra sizes? A: Almost boobs B: Barely there C: Can do D: Damn good E: Enormous and F for Fake.

What PMS really stand for? PMS means Putting Up With Mens Shit!

Define Rape: It is an operation without co-operation for the insertion of erection in to depression without permission for the production of future generation...

A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts, who opens her heart receives love, who opens her legs receives happiness .

A couple went 4 honey moon 4 a week. After returning husband asked: 'How was da whole week?' Wife said: 'The whole week made my hole weak...'

A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: Im a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What r u selling. Gal:Im selling condoms and offering a FREE DEMO

Was you father a cement mixer? Because you sure make me hard...

At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS..

a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA :)

SEASON DHAMAKA OFFER Send your girlfriend to me and win a baby HURRY UP First ten will get twins...

Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife: ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener and watchman..

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.

Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration. Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches? Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury

*Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15s..

Men were born from between the legs of a woman yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the same legs. WHY? Coz theres no place like home

Whats the closest thing to a womans period? Your salary. It comes once a month, lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesnt come, everythings fucked

Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

Girl:It

Schoolgirl: I do not want to go to the sex education class. Teacher: Why not? SchoolGirl: because someone told me the final exam would be oral.

When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. Lady sitting next asked: R they ur babies? MAN: No i work in a condom factory and these are CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS..

The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 7 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling..

A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.

Husband to wife on bed: Move a little to left. Not this much, a little to the right. A little up, a little down. Wife: Are you fucking or parking your penis?

I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!...

Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?...

A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She asks: What do you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!

Personallity of A Female is Followed By Size of Her BRAS 32: Innocent 34: Beautiful 36: Agressive 38 Sexy 40: Hungry 42: Playful 46: Not Reliable 50: Filmstar Saima.

A woman married a one legged man. She wrote to her mother: 'My husband only has ONE FOOT'. Her Mother replied: 'You are lucky, your papa has ONLY 5 INCHES'

1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!

old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it to RETURNED UNOPENED..

Girl to Mom: when I see the neighbor's son, my braa tightens. Mom: Next time, don't wear the bra, his pant would tighten..

A girl phoned me the other day and said

Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants...

LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy

Zippy and Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy and stuck it up Bungles bum!

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

It

If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure

Do you want to go and do what Im going to tell my mates we did anyway?..

We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ? Because their both hands are free.

Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Callgirls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls

A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

What PMS really stand for? PMS means Putting Up With Mens Shit!

.Why does the pleasure of Sex diminish after marriage? A: Because the realisation hits u that u are in bed with a relative.

The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the louder the scream,louder the scream the better the fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck..

What did the Dick say to the Condom? Cover me!!! Im going in...

Children playin outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident!

Do u know the full form of ABCDEFG? Its'A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl' now reverse the order :GFEDCBA 'Girls Forget Everything Done and Catches (new)Boy Again!!!

Husband:Darling years ago u had a figure like a Coke bottle. Wife:Yes darling I still do but the only difference is earlier it was300ml and now its 1.5 liter

HumptyDumpty fuked a fat whore,HumptyDumpty fuked her some more,all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fuked her again!

2 men went to fuck a girl. 1st came out after fucking a girl n said... My wife is better 2nd went in ,fuck a girl... Came out n said... U were right, your wife is better..

What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet

Penis and Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

Hey, is your dad a terrorist? Cos baby, youre the bomb!

A man wanted 2 get married, He had a choice of 3 women. 1st woz a rich dcotor, 2nd woz a poor cleaner and 3rd woz a prostitute. WHO DID HE PICK? The 1 wid big tits!

What

There are two things rain helps improve: agricultural production and Philippine population.

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom...

Boyfrnd asks girlfrnd: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST. Girlfrnd :Women's BREAST has enough calcium 2 help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

When are men the smartest? Before, during or after sex? During sex cause they're plugged into a genius!

I really deeply wish dat u r here with me in my room. on my bed and lights is off and we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

3 wonders of a woman The 3 wonders of a woman 1)Gives milk without eating grass 2)gets wet without water 3)Bleeds for a week without going 2 die.

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck you, dont feel shy.

Congratulations! You've been voted 'Most Beautiful Girl In This Room' And the grand prize is a night with me!..

Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.

A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!!

Do you like jewelry? Suck this, it's a gem!

The difference between erotic and perverted: Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.

A boy comes 2his class with broken spectacles Teachr:what happend? Boy:I was kissin my galfrnd. Teachr:So how did ur specs brk? Boy:She closed her legs!

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Do you like jewelry? Suck this, its a gem!

The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!.

Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch and smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!...

Girl to Mom: when I see the neighbors son, my braa tightens. Mom: Next time, dont wear the bra, his pant would tighten..

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your

7 months twin babies in womb saw a penis entering in. 1st baby said:-see daddy is coming inside 2nd saidu fool it is uncle, daddy never comes with rain coat.

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and dont f**k u, u will feel the same?

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged...

A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: Im a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What r u selling. Gal:Im selling condoms and offering a FREE DEMO

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!..

3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die

This time im sure about wat i feel and im gonna say it.... i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with big tits...

The most difficult golf course in the world is... Women Hole any style you play... as many shots you try... and as much perfection you have... you can never get your balls in...!!!

if u wanna little brother ...... if u wanna little brother then kick ur dad and fuck ur mother.........

I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have u been drinking?..

Policeman: Lady, I am arresting you for prostitution. Woman:But Sir, I am not selling sex, I am selling condoms for $90- each, with a free demonstration...

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... Thats how I sex on text!

Define Rape: It is an operation without co-operation for the insertion of erection in to depression without permission for the production of future generation...

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

If u dont mind If u dont feel bad If dont hesitate Please...... give me a K ki kis kiss kiss...... kissan cooking oil bottle just RS.250 only...

What is live ? Live is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you...

I want triplets You want twins. Lets get in bed and see who wins!

We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ? Because their both hands are free.

Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty. GOD Said' No way, Now As It Is,The Penis is so ugly and U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Q: Define Bra? A: A modern device used for the upliftment of the down fallen ones. Shakspearean words : Under shoulder boulder holder...

Im shocked 2 know, im really upset. I dont know how 2 inform U. Bt Ive 2 let U know dat Uve symptoms of A-I-D-S (Adoring, Intelligent, Dear, Sweetlover) !!

Sex is not the answer...Sex is the question Yes is the answer.

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch and smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!...

I like your... I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse...

How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot...

Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? Sardar: No this is her husband speaking...

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.

A boy comes 2his class with broken spectacles Teachr:what happend? Boy:I was kissin my galfrnd. Teachr:So how did ur specs brk? Boy:She closed her legs!

Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ??? Because the people started licking the wrong side...

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!..

Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!...

Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.

Boy:why grls like more holi than boys? Another boy: bcos they have two balloons of 5ml and bolys have only one pichkari of 2ml.

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:father, your daughter has been successful in BED.

Yesterdays news: An aunty was raped while jogging. Todays news: More aunties found jogging.

There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass.

Can we do romance in the midnight today? I

over till ur feeling hot..then give u a sensation when I hit the spot!...

All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGARA has Front effect.

Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs? Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs? Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell...

A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!

There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another..

Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and kept looking at it. Madam asked dont you have sex in the village, Maid 'Yes we do but not till the skin drops off.

A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife and his finger went to tease his wife's pussy. Wife asks 'you want sex?' 'No, just to wet my finger to turn the page!'

Wife mean w-who i-is f- for e- enjoyment and husband mean h-how u- u s- serve b- batter a- and n- nice d- darling...

I looked up sexy in the dictionary today and your name was listed...

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.

*Newsflash* The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's..

I'm shocked 2 know, i'm really upset. I dont know how 2 inform U. Bt I've 2 let U know dat U've symptoms of A-I-D-S (Adoring, Intelligent, Dear, Sweetlover) !!

Woman: Dr. An ant entered my vagina, please take it out. Doctor removes her panties and start making love . Woman: What are you doing? Doctor: This is the only way to drown the bastard!

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

que:- wat is confidence? ans :-once ten boys deside to purpose a girl, 9 boy came with rose and 1 with CONDOM..! Thats the confidence...

Schoolgirl: I do not want to go to the sex education class. Teacher: Why not? SchoolGirl: because someone told me the final exam would be oral.

Girl curiously touched long penis of horse who jumped and ran away. Owner of horse came and said: Now u touch my penis also, I've to catch him...

Lady : I want a good vibrator Salesman: Maam ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall Lady : O.K. Ill take that red one Salesman: Sorry, thats our fire-extinguisher

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swalowd, when he was satisfyed, he left, i was hurt, BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

A General asks a young lady officer, how she felt in Services? Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir and the whole night in No Sir, No Sir!

over till ur feeling hot..then give u a sensation when I hit the spot!...

Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll After mariage beautiful Doll After 1 year nice Doll After 2 Years only Doll and After 3 Years panaDoll

Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!

what do you do if a irish man throughs a pin at you ... ... you run cause hes got a grenade in his mouth

A Toilet is like a committee meeting. People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately drop the matter.

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!

You're so hot, your ass is on fire.

4 road signs which stands in front of a womans vagina.... 1)Caution-dark tunnel. 2)Drive carefully-road wet n slippery. 3)Go slow. 4) Men at work...

How does VAGINA look like before SEX? Like a Pink Rose with soft Petals and Perfumed Aroma. And after SEX? Ever seen a SARDARS mouth after having LASSI.....!

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday and Tevery other day!

Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk and misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk and talk 2 trees,u only live once and den u die,so fuck em all and lets get high!...

A lady asks a sardarji 'what time is it?' sardarji says'bra- panties'.The lady hits sardar and says'I asked time'sardar says'baarah payntis(12:35)...

75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don't know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.

Man walked into ladies toilet. Lady who was inside shouted 'THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN'. The man, unzipping his pants said, 'THIS TOO'!

Q: Give an example of 'Complete business failure due to negligence?' Ans: a pregnant prostitute...

He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but dont worry: Im a bottle of wine!

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think its right time we should talk about sex. The daughter replied, sure MOM, what do you want to know?

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

girls said to boy :i m radiomy left boob is volume and right boob is touner,byos trund both boobs and said no sound girl said stopid u have not plouged...

Roses are red. voilets are corny. when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!

if i said u had a hot body would u hold it against me...

whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes.

A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial. Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar,

make ur luv to galfrnd on valentine day she will tell u a gud news on mothers day then u will hav a child on childrens day dont try this on everyone u will hav a bad news on 1 dec(aids day)

Sex n drugs n rock n rave thatz get smashed n misbehave, on speed n weed n little e's lets get fucked n talk 2 trees...

School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega...!

Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in vibration mode. Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily. Girl: Just recharge the battery.

Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.

Hey lets go fuck and do the talking later...

Lady: 'doctor, I feel very weak.' Dr: 'how many times do u have sex?' Lady: '5 times, mon-fri.' Dr: 'cut down wed.' Lady: 'but that's the only day I m with my husband!'

Teacher: which part of human body entr 1st in heaven Studnt: Legs Sir! Teacher: Y?? Student: bcoz every night my mom was crying with her legs up (Oh GoD I M Comming)

LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy

What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!

75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl dont know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.

Why r women considered stronger than men? Ans: Bcoz they carry 2 mountains on their chest whereas men carry just 2 stones with the help of crane...

cat and Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

Learn from your parents mistakes - Use birth control!

What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Qus: Who is senior, PENIS or VAGINA. A:VAGINA b'cos PENIS always stands up when he sees a VAGINA.. So respect the seniors!

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!

BRIDES Dad hands a note to the groom, GOODS delivered are not returnable! GROOM gave another note back to father, contract void if seal is broken!

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants...

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight....

A Guy goes up to a girl and says:Do you want to play magic?She asks:Whats Magic? He says:We go up to my room,We Fuck and the You DISAPPLEAR!!

2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said

Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: Name? Park Yu. The 0fficer become angry and shouted back: FUCK YOU! Now whats your full name? Korean replied: PARK YU TOO!!