Sardar SMS Jokes

☻Two Sardar stopped suddenly.
1st Sardar: OMG! My wife and my girlfriend coming together.
2nd Sardar: Mine too.



☻A sardar goes to a restaurant
and his cell phone rings.
Wife: How are you?

Surprised Sardarji:Oji I am fine but
how did you know where I was?


☻How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from
the book when the teacher erases the board.

☻Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!



☻A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.

Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.


☻A small 2 seater plane was crashed in graveyard.
A Sardar was investigation officer.
In report he said:
500 dead bodies are found
and digging for rest.



☻Sardar at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


☻Interviewer: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Interviewer: Which part?
Sardar: What which part, whole body was born in Punjab. “;-)

☻Sardar’s wish : when i die,
I wanna die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep
not screaming
like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

☻Sardar and Pathan going somewhere together.
They found 1000 Rs. on the way.
Pathan: Let’s take 50/50.
Sardar: What will do of remaining 900?

☻Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar:
“Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.”

☻A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.

☻NURSE kept SARDAR’S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

☻Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: Take my card.
Waiter: But sir, this is Ration Card.
Sardar: So what?
You have written outside
“ALL CARDS ACCEPTED”

☻Sardar told his servant:
Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what?
Take an umbrella and go.

☻Judge: Why are you arrested?
Sardar: For shopping early?
Judge: Well, thats not a crime, anyway how early you were shopping?
Sardar: before opening the shop…,

☻Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came
to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

☻Interviewer: Congrats, you are selected.
Your 1st month salary is Rs: 6000.
Next month salary will be 10000.
Sardar: Ok sir, I’ll Join next month.

☻Sardar proposed a girl……
Girl said am 1 yr elder to u…….
Sardar said Oye no problem
soniye I’ll marry u next year.

☻Sardar on phone: Doctor my wife is pregnant.
She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking.

☻2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don’t worry, I have a one more.

☻How do you sink a submarine
filled with sardars..?
.
.
.
.
Just knock the door.

☻Astrologer: you must married only 32 years old women to start a happy life.
sardar: shall I married two 16 years old girls

☻On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him,
“Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?”
Sardar : “Ya sure, from landline or mobile”.

☻As train start running,
a sardar got the train.
TT: Don’t you see it’s female bogie?
Sardar: Sorry, I thought you were a man.

☻Doctor to sardar : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Sardar : Yes. A good doctor.

☻Sardar: Will you marry me?
Girl: Sorry I am a lesbian.
Sardar: What’s a lesbian?
Girl: I like to sleep with girls.
Sardar: Give me a hand… I am also lesbian

☻Sardar was busy removing
a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board.
Parking is only for 2 wheeler

☻Sardar had twins. He named Tara & Sitara.
Again twins, He named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins, He named Max & Climax.
Again twins, finally He named STOP & FULLSTOp:-)

☻Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked “what you did till evening?”
Sardar :”Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright”

☻Teacher: “I killed a person”
convert this sentence into future tense
Sardar: The future tense is “You will go to jail”

☻Sardar comes back to his car
&
find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
‘Thanks for compliment.’

☻Sardar complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.’
Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV?’
Ah Beng : ‘I was watching TV news…’

☻Sardar got into a bus on 1st April
when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/-
and took the ticket and said april fool.
I have pass.

☻Sardar: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Sardar: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

☻Sardar bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone
from his Phone Book & said,
My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610

☻A sardarji photographer is focusing
a dead body’s face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

☻Sardar was giving his medical entrance exam
He gave definitions as follows:
Antibody:
Against everybody
Artery:
Study of fine art paintings
Cardiology:
Advanced study of playing cards
CT scan:
Scanning 4 lost whistle..
Coma:
Punctuation mark
Bacteria:
Back door to a cafeteria…

☻Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
“Me sick, no work”
Boss SMS back:
“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
“Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

☻A sardar goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

☻Police:Instead of hospital why did u take ur wife to COMEDY MOVIE during pregnancy
Sardar: ALL the child were crying when they born
I want my child to laugh so i take my wife TO CINEMA

☻Teacher: What is tha difference between orange & apple?
Sardar: The color of orange is orange but the color of apple is not apple.

☻A bird was disturbing to a Sardar.
Finally Sardar caught it and decided to kill it cruelly,
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it

☻Boss asked Sardar
to buy two corner tickets for a movie
to watch with his Girlfriend.
Sardar bought two corner tickets:
A1…………….A25

☻A sardar ji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.
He writes a love letter to the Nurse :-
I Love You sister….

☻Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: Im writing to my 6 years old son,
he cant read very fast.

☻Teacher: How Do You Differentiate
“WIFE” & “MOTHER”

☻SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With “MOTHER”
&
After Marriage
We Sleep With Our “WIFE

☻Sardar As A Director:
You Have To Jump In The Swimming Pool From 100.ft Height.
Hero: I Don’t Know Swimming
Sardar: Oye Don’t Worry Yaar! Pool Is Empty;-)



☻Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!


☻Sardar: ‘Doctor, my son swallowed a key.’
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 months ago.
Doctor: What were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key.
Doctor: So why have u come today?
Sardar: We ve lost the duplicate key !!!



☻Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Sardar: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Sardar: NA

Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Sardar: BANANA


☻Sardar in airoplane going to Bombay.
While its landing he shouted:
“Bombay ….Bombay”
Airhostess said: “B silent.”
Sardar: “Ok… Ombay… Ombay”

☻Sardar saw a very high Airtel Tower
& red light glowing on the top,
seeing this he said India is developing fast,
see there are traffic signals for Aeroplane in the air

☻Teacher: What happen on 1869?
Sardar: I don’t know.
Teacher: Stupid its birthday of Gandhi G.
Now tell me what happen on 1873?
Sardar: Its 4th birthday of Gandhi G:-)

☻In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Sardar:I don’t know.
Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?
Sardar:See my legs & tell my name

☻Sardar after interview
everything went fine till the time
he asked me for testimonials.
I guess i showed him the wrong thing !!!

Adult SMS

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

Daring SMS

☻You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!


☻I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...


☻Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you !


☻I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My sigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ...

☻I wish you lots of itching and short arms.


☻You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard!


☻Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!!


☻If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra????!!!


☻A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!


☻Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..


☻Oké honey, we will try one more time!! How do you spell 'IQ' ?


☻I am born this way, but what is your excuse?


☻I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke !


☻Some people die. Others become a teacher...


☻The more the merrier. The more women, the more prettier.


☻Women are just like frogs. They have a big mouth and are scared of the stork.


☻If I ever die because of marihuana, mark on my grave, I am too stoned to get up!!


☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!


☻You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.


☻When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.


☻Roses are red ... Violets are blue ... but a face like yours belongs in the zoo !!!


☻On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!


☻Nice hair, a shame that you sit on it.


☻Roses are red violets are blue, shit stinks and so do you!


☻He kisses her gently on the lips. She does not feel comfortable, squeezes her legs, and so his glasses broke.


☻A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass, she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.


☻It is red and it taps on the window .................... A baby in a microwave.


☻I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass

Dirty SMS

☻Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

☻Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.


☻Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.
Doctor: How do u figure that?
Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wetv

☻Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.

☻Cricketer describing a nude girl:
There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

☻What's the geographical definition of sex?
It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!

☻What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.

☻Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

☻UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.

☻Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!

☻A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?
A Moisturiser.

☻Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

☻A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

☻A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

☻A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don't hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts

☻3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

☻Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!

☻Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out

☻Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?
A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour.

☻They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!

☻Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.

☻Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits

☻Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

☻Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

☻Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

☻The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube.

☻All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

☻What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Vicks Inhaler

☻When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE

Kiss SMS

☻A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise

☻KISS is purely organic and naturally sweet,
has no artificial ingredients and
is 100% wholesome.
Here’s one for you.
MMWAAAH! Have a nice day!

☻Love is the name,kiss is the game forget the name lets play the game.

☻Wen nite cums look 2 da sky,
if u c a falling star dont wonder Y.
Just make a vsh,
trust me it will cum true,
coz wen i did it, i found U.

☻Love is heat.
You are sweet.
When two Lips are meet.
Love is complete.

☻If u read,u owe me a HUG,
if u delete,u Owe me a kiss,
if u save,u owe me a DATE,
if u return txt msg 2 me,
u OWE me All,
bt if u ignore,
U r MINe!
So wat will U do?

☻"Where should one use perfume?"
a young woman asked.
"Wherever one wants to be kissed,"
I said.


☻if i could bring back memories i would bring the first day i kissed you i look you in the eyes and felt love.thanks god an angel came into my life!

☻Love is blind
Be very kind
when I kiss you
Please don’t mind.

☻My love for you grows more with each passing day,
The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away:
Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness,
Those luscious lips I love to kiss.

☻My eyes are eager to see you,
my ears are eager to listen you,
my lips are eager to kiss you,
and my dreams in night are eager to welcome you

☻U r sweeter than honey. purer than milk. softer than flower. since i have u as my lover, come to me near, i'll kiss ur lips without fear. u'll say, having u is treasure & be wit me for ever.

☻The fluffy cloud may kiss the sky,
the rose may kiss the butterfly,
the morning due may kiss the grass
but you my friend may kiss my lips!!

☻I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money
I'm a kisser, i kiss people for money, but you are my friend
I ll KISS YOU FOR FREE !!


☻cut a fish in a dish,
if you love me
give me a KISS

☻Son: The girl of our neighbors
don’t understand English.
Father: How do you know?
Son: I said to her “Give Me Sweet Kiss”
and she slapped me.

☻A kiss is an inquiry in the upper Floor about vacancy in the lower floor.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
I”ve been thinking about u and me..
if we were alone how it would be..
I would kiss u all over till ur feeling hot..
then give u a sensation when I hit the spot!


☻What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.


☻If I had one wish
I would give you a long and tender kiss
and if I had two wishes
then I would choose to do it over again.

☻If luvin” was aginst the law,
and kissin” was a crime,
i would gladly spend my life with u,
in prison doin” time.

☻“Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let”s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”

☻A peach is a peach.
a plum is a plum.
a kiss is not a kiss unless its with tongues.
so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise.

☻Whats life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you

☻Kissing you baby is my dream.
I am strawberry & you are the cream.
Handle me gently keep me real keen.
U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻Give me one kiss to go to sleep.
Give me two kisses to dream.
Give me an endless row of kisses to,
when I wake up in the morning,
think of you as the last kiss I never forget it.

☻what kisses mean
KISS ON HAND=i adore u,
KISS ON CHEEK=lets be friends,
KISS ON NECK=i want u,
KISS ON LIPS=i love u,
KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=…lets not get carried away!

☻Nice Kiss is on Head.
Sweet Kiss is on Cheeks.
Passionate Kiss is on Lips.
Romantic Kiss is on Neck
and
Seriously Hottest Kiss is on “IRON”
Try it now. Mmmmuah

☻Kisses blown are kisses wasted.
kisses are not kisses unless they are tasted.
kisses spread germs and germs are hated.
but you can kiss me baby i am vaccinated

☻Kiss is a key of love
love is a lock of marriage
marriage is a box of children
children is a problem of world.
Please stop kissing
and
save the world.

☻If kisses were water,
I will give you the sea,
If hugs were leaves,
I will give you a tree,
If you love a planet,
I will give you a galaxy,
If friendship is life,
I will give you mine.

☻Never ask 4 a kiss, just take it.
Never give a hug, ask 4 it.
Never ask do u love me, first say I love u.
Never say I cant live without u, say I live for u.


☻Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

☻wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!

☻Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated

Sex SMS

☻Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you're smiling now!!
☻Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
☻A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain't a kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tounge Some exercise!
☻CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.
☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
☻Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
☻Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.u'll get laid.
☻Kiss me and you will see stars; Love me and I will give them to you.
☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She asks: What do you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!
☻Love is a thing, sex is also a thing.
☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green. I love your legs and whats in between.
☻I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i like your ass.
☻Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..
☻I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise?
☻If you want a little brother,
kill your dad and fuck your mother.
☻Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good
☻Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself and save a quarter.
☻Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for money. If you think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!
☻Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs and Multiply!
☻I want you to ride me like a pony! Hiyaaaaaa…
☻Don't be silly, put a condom on your willy.
☻Searching(sex)...... Done... Iedereen is op dit moment met SEX bezig. ...Wait a sec plz... Maar er is een zot zonder sex dit klotebericht aan het lezen!
☻Sex, drugs & rock n roll, speed weed & birth control, life's a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world & lets get high!
☻This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now starting...beep 6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found!
☻Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please please....I really need the money!
☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money! If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!
☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.
☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...
☻Neuk een wijf in dr kont, stamp die anus tot ze komt.S mijt je benen in de lucht, laat je pijpen in een vlucht. Krab de shit van je paal, anaal neuken is geniaal!
☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh.......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good! Yeah, that's textual intercourse!
☻Sex is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.
☻I want you right, right now, why don't you come on over and let's do now!

☻I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you, you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!


☻I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !


☻Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.


☻Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.


☻Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !


☻Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth.


☻The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population!


☻What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!


☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places


☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!!


☻What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn!


☻A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll !


☻God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *


☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!


☻What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ...


☻Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!


☻Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!


☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.


☻Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.


☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??


☻When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.


☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...


☻Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls!


☻What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!


☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.


☻The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.


☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!


☻Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness


☻The difference between erotic and perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.


☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....


☻What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!


☻you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!!


☻What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!!


☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.


☻A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!!


☻Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back...


☻What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!"


☻There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: "No-Sex"!


☻Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.


☻What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet



☻If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me.


☻American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand


☻sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited)


☻A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.


☻Zwaai uw tieten in het rond, schuur je clitoris op de grond, stop 4 vingers in je kut, ram die kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je met een gans, dit is de mastrubatiedans.


☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good!
mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text.


☻Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.


☻The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling.


☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!


☻I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!


☻Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !


☻By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.


☻Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.


☻Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between


☻Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!


☻Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration


☻SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.
Laws of sex

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59. "This won't hurt, I promise."

Sex Jokes

☻SEX
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻YOU ARE WANTED
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

☻TALKING DIRTY
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻LOVE AND SEX
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

☻SEX IS ...
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

☻NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

☻WHAT I NEED
need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

☻WRONG NUMBER
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

☻NO SEX !
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

☻PHONE ENGAGE
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.

☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

☻OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
☻ARSE ICONS
(_!_) Regular arse
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse
(_*_) Sore arse
(_o_) Well used arse
(_e=mc2_) Smart arse
(_x_) Kiss my arse

☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover

☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!

☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration

☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.

☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

☻GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

☻cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

☻HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !

☻WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

☻SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

☻BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

☻VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?

☻F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

☻THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

☻The Alpahbet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!


☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?


☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!


☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!


☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!


☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!


☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!


☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!


☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!


☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!


☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants


☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!


☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!


☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!


☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!


☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?


☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!


☻Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!


☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job


☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!


☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!


☻Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!


☻Little Girl
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!


☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!


☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!


☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!


☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!


☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!

☻Getting Old
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo



☻Baby Please
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!




☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!




☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!


☻Men like toilets


Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!


☻Mary's bush


Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!


☻Horny


Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!


☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy


5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!




☻Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!




☻Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!


☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater


Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!




☻Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!


☻Down on her Knees


Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!


☻Cat and the Sausage


Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!




☻Oral sex
Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!


☻Mary's bike


Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt



☻Rhyme
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!


☻NewsFlash
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !


☻Nutella
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.


☻U and the Pope
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)


☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex


☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.


☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..


☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!


☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!


☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??


☻Foot and Mouth
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth

☻Blondes
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop


☻Operator
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you


☻Blonde Womens legs
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!

☻This Way Up
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H


☻I love you
This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!


☻Mary's Lambs
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.


☻Sheep
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.


☻Butter
Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!


☻Condom factory
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.


☻Yo Mama
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.


☻Mary Stinks
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!


☻Mary's Duck
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!


☻Tampons
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

☻Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!


☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!


☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag


☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's


☻Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie

☻News Flash - Indian Earthquake
!!News flash!!
Indian earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
Australia sendingclothes.
britain sending ... ... ... Replacements


☻Leather Heather
there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together


☻Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.


☻Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER


☻IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.


☻Cock Sucker Detecotor
This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

cOCK SUCKER !!


☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?


☻Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!



☻Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!


☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!



☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!



☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!



☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!



☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants



☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!



☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!


☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!



☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!



☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?



☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!



☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!



☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job


☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!



☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!



☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!



☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!



☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!




☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together



☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .



☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER



☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth


☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.



☻This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

COCK SUCKER !!


☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?


☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!



☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents

☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"

☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!

☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!