RSS Feed (xml)Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"
When there's a will, I want to be in it."
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.";
It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.";
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.";
People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.";
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?";
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?";
SOME QUOTES
IT'S STARTING TO RAIN
Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
A LETTER TO GOD
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I've kidnapped your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike!!
HOW TO MAKE A MAN & WOMAN HAPPY??
How to make a man and woman happy ?
To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
HOW TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE??
Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?
Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.
Another deadly answer.
Scroll down a little...
Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette.
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down...
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)"TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee."us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down..
Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"
Searching for me.....I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!!
EIGHT GOLDEN RULES!!
Eight golden rules to approach a woman..
• Make eye contact before you approach: Eye contact can do a lot for you. If she holds your gaze and glances your way every now and then, look at it as a positive sign. However, if she refuses to look at you, your chances are slim.
• Don't express interest in her friends as well as her: Hitting on two women in the same group won't work.
• Make her feel like she's the most desirable woman in the world: It never fails to work.
• Don't avoid complimenting her even if you think she's heard it before: Everyone loves to hear their praise. Make sure you compliment the girl. However, don't over exaggerate or try to flatter her.
• Avoid cliches and pre-packaged pickup lines: Using a cliche will make a woman think that you are trying to hard to get a date with anyone who will fall for your oneliners.
• Don't be too pushy: Even if you do approach a woman in a disco, don't be too pushy. If she is not comfortable giving her number, respect her decision.
• Know when to walk away: Accept rejection and walk away before you end up with a black eye.
Joke: SOFTWARE ENGINEERS!!
There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......
Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ....
(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!!)
LOVE STORY - A BEAUTIFUL ONE!!
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........
She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!
Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........
Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?
She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........
Her Boyfriend goes away saying....
GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!
Katy Perry and Russell Brand take island honeymoon in Maldives
KATY Perry and Russell Brand have reportedly jetted to the Maldives for their honeymoon.
An airport official has confirmed to The AP that the newlyweds - who married in India on Saturday - left Jaipur on a chartered flight with friends earlier today.
They are reported to have tied the knot in a private ceremony at a resort in the country - where they became engaged in January - over the weekend.
Neither Perry or Brand has directly addressed the nuptials although the pair confirmed the wedding reports with identical messages on their Twitter accounts which read: "WE DID! (sic)" alongside a photograph of their names.
A spokesperson for the newlyweds later confirmed the marriage in a statement, saying that the stars were "overjoyed to confirm that they were pronounced Mr and Mrs Brand" and describing the ceremony - which was performed by a family friend of Perry - as "very private and spiritual".
Spice mobile goes 3D
INDIAN HANDSET FIRM Spice
The Spice M-67 3D has an auto stereoscopic display, according to the company's promotional pages, and will let users watch 3D content without the need for ridiculous glasses.
The firm said that its handset comes with a 3D video player, a 3D imaging viewer and a 3D user interface, and, because you are going to need somewhere to store all of this 3D media, 16GB of expandable memory.
Just in case you are worried about anyone coming across your collection of 3D content, the handset also offers remote wiping features, meaning that should it fall into the hands of any undesirables it should remain protected from their prying eyes.
Reactions to such a loss include the opportunity to nuke the handset's contents or - and we like the naivety of this one - send across a business card so that the new owner has all the information they need to return it.
Other features include dual stereo speakers, Bluetooth, a 2MP camera, an FM radio and MP3 player and the ability to use two GSM SIM cards. Here the firm suggested that there might be some productivity benefits, explaining, "With the multi-SIM capability of M-67 3D, don't let your personal life collide with your professional life."
The phone will be released in India, but we do not know if it will be sold elsewhere. ยต
Manmohan concludes Japan visit, leaves for Malaysia
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today concluded his 3-day visit to Japan during which the two sides decided to hasten negotiations on a civil nuclear deal and agreed on a range of other issues to take their strategic partnership to new heights.
India and Japan also announced the firming up of Comprehensive Economic Cooperation Agreement, which will open trade between the two countries and slashing of taxes up to 94 per cent over the next decade.
Dr. Singh, who arrived here on Sunday, had a tight schedule which included talks with his Japanese counterpart Naoto Kan, leaders from business and politics during which they discussed ways to further improve their ties.
Dr. Singh said “sky is the limit” for developing Japan-India relations, a proposition which is close to his heart.
From here, Dr. Singh, along with his wife Gursharan Kaur, left for Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur for talks with his counterpart Mohd Najib Tin Abdul Razak.
During his visit, the two sides will sign a number of pacts and announce conclusion of negotiations on Comprehensive Economic Cooperation Agreement (CECA), which covers range of trade aspects, including investment, services and customs.
Summing up Singh’s Japan visit, Foreign Secretary Nirupama Rao said the two Prime Ministers had “comprehensive” discussions and felt the need for developing all encompassing relations covering political, economy and security aspects.
The two sides also decided to establish a ministerial level Economic Dialogue between India and Japan to give strategic and long—term policy orientation to their bilateral engagement.
The proposal was mooted by Japan, which already has such a Dialogue with China.
During the visit, Dr. Singh and Mr. Kan affirmed that cooperation in nuclear sector “will open up new opportunities for further developing the India-Japan Strategic and Global Partnership.”
The two leaders also “encouraged” their negotiators to arrive at a mutually-satisfactory agreement for civil nuclear cooperation at an early date.”
Kashmir has never been integral part of India: Arundhati
Activist Arundhati Roy, who created a controversy the other day by questioning Jammu and Kashmir's accession to the Union, on Sunday harped on the same thing saying that the state was never an integral part of India. Roy was speaking at a seminar on the theme 'Wither Kashmir: Freedom or enslavement' organised by Coalition of Civil Societies (CCS) here.
"Kashmir has never been an integral part of India. It is an historical fact. Even the Indian Government has accepted this," the Booker Prize winner said.
Roy alleged that India became "colonizing power" soon after its independence from British rule.
Arundhati Roy shared the stage with Kashmiri separatist leader Syed Ali Shah Geelani at the convention on 'Azadi--The Only Way', among others in Delhi on Thursday.
Coal India gives investors exit option until Oct 25
NEW DELHI Oct 22 (Reuters) - Coal India, whose $3.5 billion IPO was more than 15 times subscribed, has been asked by the capital markets regulator to offer investors an exit option until Oct. 25 after errors were pointed out in its prospectus, the state-run company's chairman said.
Partha Bhattacharyya said figures were "interchanged" in two places and termed them as "typographical errors".
Finance Director A.K. Sinha said accretion in stock and other income got interchanged in the company's standalone financial statement printed in the prospectus and it had no impact on the company's total income and profit figures.
Asked if the exit option would have any impact on the subscriptions, Bhattacharyya said: "This is a trivial kind of a thing. We wanted to abide by the regulation. "I don't see any impact."
For an earlier Reuters story on the largest Indian IPO, see [ID:nSGE69K0JD] (Reporting by Devidutta Tripathy; Editing by Ranjit Gangadharan)
The bikini you love best on Mallika
Russell Band Plans Family With Katy
Russell Barnd thinks he will be a very good father as he loves children. He confesses that even amidst his acting and work, whenever he had his friends children around, he would start playing with them and the kids too are very fond of him.
The otherwise famous womeniser, Russell Brand, now confesses that he is head over heels on Katy Perry and can't wait to get married and have a family with her.
“It’s nice and when you find someone you get on with things like fame and celebrity cease to matter and it’s like having a mate and someone you get on with and can be normal with,” says Russell.
He also further revealed that Katy Perry gets on very well with his mother Barbara. “Katy was lovely when she met my mum. She came round my mum’s house. Katy’s dead nice and normal, a down to earth easy going sort of person. She’s really, really sweet and easy to be around and she was lovely with my mum, they get on right well. But you don’t want them getting too much of an alliance going though do you? You want to keep people baffled and confused, you don’t want them coming down on you.”
Katy Perry and Russell Brand, are looking forward their wedding in one of the most beautiful places of India, Jaipur.
Two is company
When observed closely, one can say that Ram Gopal Varma and Vivek Oberoi have led parallel lives. Both know what it’s to be on the top of the game, and both know what it’s to be down and out. With Rakht Charitra, releasing today, the duo hopes the world will once again sit up and take notice of the hard work they have put into a project together. Their wish list also includes setting the cash registers ringing — that’s something neither of them has done in a long time.
“In so many years, it was for the first time that I felt a certain passion while doing a film. I used to reach the venue earlier than the scheduled time. It felt exactly the same when I did Company. The only difference was, this film marks my debut in the South with the Tamil and Telugu versions,” says Oberoi, who portrays the character of the Andhra Pradesh politician Paritala Ravi, a rebel-turned-politician. Varma terms this as “Vivek’s best performance”. Oberoi was the director’s natural choice for the role. “There are less than 10 actors in the country,” says the filmmaker, who feels Oberoi has a vulnerable, cocky and arrogant attitude about him which makes him a good actor.
The partnership of Varma and Oberoi goes back to 2000 when the latter’s father, veteran actor Suresh Oberoi, had come to Varma with a few pictures of his son. “At that point, I was looking for somebody to play Chandu in Company. Suresh (Oberoi) happened to come to me at the right time. I looked at his photographs and immediately decided to cast him,” reminisces Varma. Oberoi was happy to be debuting with the talented filmmaker, who was known for successful films like Satya, Rangeela, and Shiva. “There was no way I would have said no,” says the actor, who became a popular face in Bollywood soon after the release.
John's the best, forget the rest!
Betraying the heroine by acquiring someone else's identity or concealing one's own in order to win her heart is old hat as far as Bollywood formulas go. Professor, Saajan, Aur Pyaar Ho Gaya, Chachi 420, Ghajini [ Images ], anyone? Except by setting this romantic script around a telephone helpline number, filmmaker Abbas Tyrewala and story-writer Pakhi make the proceedings a tad more interesting.
The latter, also Tyrewala's significant other, is the leading lady of this jointly collaborated rom-com, Jhootha Hi Sahi. Not exactly a bright casting judgment from the otherwise incisive, versatile creative who appointed the missus to assemble actors for his critically and commercially-acclaimed directorial debut, Jaane Tu [ Images ]...Yaa Jaane Na.
Pakhi previously played a college teacher in Hansal Mehta's Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai but failed to grab eyeballs. While Jhootha Hi Sahi is a decidedly extensive platform to display her acting chops, the lady's complete lack of screen presence makes it an unlikely feat. Nonetheless, most of the supporting cast is adept at communicating Tyrewala's blend of crisp, zany humour and the ensuing implausibility with heartening simplicity.
Even so it's John Abraham [ Images ] who steals the show with little help from his Clark Kent glasses, barely-there stubble and snug khaki pants. But mostly it's the untapped guy-next-door appeal and soothing texture of his gentle voice (stutter included) that does the trick. It's commendable for an enduring sex symbol to make the viewer forget he's one and see him in an entirely new, earnest light. He's genuinely notable and not just sincere, which, frankly is a polite way of saying 'lousy actor, tremendous effort.'
JA plays Siddharth, a National Geographic-obsessed nerdy owner of an Indian book store in London [ Images ], which he runs in partnership with his Notting Hill/Friends-inspired circle of friends -- caustic Omar (Raghu Ram makes an effortless transition from ruthless to real and fun) and fumbling Amit (Omar Khan is hilarious with the creepy Did you knows?). His hoity-toity girlfriend, Krutika/Kuttika (Manasi Scott is convincingly bullheaded), Omar's short-tempered pregnant sister Aliya (Alishka Varde, sweet face, terrible dialogue delivery), her besotted boyfriend Nick (a harmless George Young), Amit's secret crush Uday (Prashant Chawla underplays the homosexual clich) extend the narrative with their definitive quirks and preferences.
A mix-up of telephone numbers results in Sid volunteering to calm down suicidal folk calling for help followed by SOS voice cameos of Imran Khan [ Images ], Ritesh Deshmukh [ Images ] and Abhishek Bachchan [ Images ]. It's a droll gimmick and works well.
One such phone call introduces him and us to Miskha 'from the video store' (Pakhi) who can be best summed up with a slightly altered Pedro Almodovar movie title -- Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. Her reasons too, like that of Priyanka Chopra [ Images ] in the recently released Anjaana Anjaani, involve boyfriend trouble. Read that as R Madhavan [ Images ] (in a rare overdone performance) reduced to a Raj Kiran brand of conceited and condescending character.
Disapproval aside, Pakhi ensures she gifts herself a rather elaborate, filmi climax around the majestic Tower Bridge, which is almost in the same over-the-top vein if not as endearing as the one in Jaane Tu...Yaa Jaane Na.
The first-film hangover is evident every now and then. Similar to Jaane Tu's opening titles featuring A R Rahman's [ Images ] jazz-coated Tu bole played out against a blurred out montage of Mumbai [ Images ], Jhootha Hi Sahi too sets off scanning a sky high view of Central London in tandem with Vijay Yesudas's soulful serenade, I'll be waiting.
Judge rejects BJP MLAs' plea for records
SC sets parameters for live-in maintenance
A long-term live-in relationship between a couple who have lived like spouses in the eyes of society deserves the same legal status as given to a formal marriage, the Supreme Court ruled on Thursday.
Describing live-in relationship as an emerging social phenomenon in “big” urban cities, the court clarified the law to hold that a woman abandoned by her live-in companion is eligible to claim maintenance from him, provided both were single and had lived like spouses in the eyes of society for a substantial period of time.
These observations were passed in a judgment defining the expression “relationships in the nature of marriage” in the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005. The statute provides that a woman deserted from such a relationship is equally eligible for maintenance as a woman abandoned by her legally wedded husband.
Showtime for Bollywood
Sometimes, the script of a show is tweaked to accommodate film stars. “The actors can be weaved into the script in such a way that viewers can connect with them,” says Kapadia.Abhishek Bachchan made an appearance on Colors’ show Balika Vadhu prior to his flop film, Drona, while actors Sharman Joshi and Vatsal Seth appeared on a Valentine’s Day special of a show when they had the romcom, Toh Baat Pakki, coming up. Actor Ajay Devgn will feature in an upcoming episode of Crime Patrol to promote his film, Aakrosh.
Other A-listers have also been bitten by the television bug include. While Akshay had a cameo appearance on Star Plus’ Sasural Genda Phool for his movie Khatta Meetha, Salman Khan was seen promoting Dabangg on Laagi Tujhse Lagan, aired on Colors. Emraan Hashmi and Prachi Desai made a guest appearance on Sony’s long-running detective show, CID, for Once Upon A Time in Mumbai.
John Abraham is set to feature on two Sab TV shows — FIR and Taarak Mehta — where he will be seen promoting Abbas Tyrewala’s Jhootha Hi Sahi. Mallika Sherawat too will make an appearance on Colors’ show Naa Aana Iss Des Ladoo to promote her much-awaited film, Hisss.
