SOME QUOTES

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"

When there's a will, I want to be in it."

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.";

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.";

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.";

People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.";

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?";

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?";

IT'S STARTING TO RAIN

Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

A LETTER TO GOD

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,
I've kidnapped your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike!!